This is hard

[JLPoehlman]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this place and I am trying anything to help cope with the loss of my mother. I am currently 33, I know no age is OK to loose anyone but I feel like she still had alot to teach me. I feel like there are so many things left unsaid and left undone. It was the quickest 3 months from when she got diagnosed with cancer to her demise. I miss her so much and I feel like sometimes I don't think anyone else understands my frustration or sadness. I have talked to people in another group meeting but again, I don't really know if they actually understand my grief. Is that normal? Is it normal to now just talk to the air instead of calling up on your mothers cell phone. It's almost unbearable. It's almost like sometimes I feel like I am not completely there yet. I feel like I can't get my life together. I feel like my kids hurt way to much more then I do and seeing the sadness in them just make it more saddening. I know nothing is normal about this situation but I feel like I should ask other people. And how they view their life after their parent passed. The groups I have been to it's all just husband/wife and/or child. Not a parent.

Please respond, I would like some incite on other's views.

 

Thanks,

Jennifer

[Weepy willow]

Hi Jennifer ,

I’m so sorry about your mum ! I lost my dad to cancer in July - I’m 34 . I feel exactly the same ! That nobody understands - I don’t think they ever will . My daughter is completely heartbroken about my dad and it hurts my heart so much ! I think as parents it’s natural for us to want to fix things for them but unfortunately we can’t fix this for them ! Or for us ! I write notes to my dad on my phone telling him what I’ve been doing etc - but yes - you speak to the air if you want to ! Everyone has their own way of coping  and if that’s yours then you speak to the air / your mum all you want to !! I’m so angry and bitter about the time that was robbed from us - Do you few the same ? I have started to realise that I could of had another 10/20 years with him and I would still be mad because forever would have never been enough with him ! How lucky are we to have had such amazing parent thats this pain is so bearable now that they aren’t with us 💕

[Ksa88]

Hi, I lost my Dad to cancer in January this year. I'm 34. I talk to him all the time. I'm the strong one in my family and feel I have no one to talk to. 

[Shamit]

Hi Jennifer and all others who replied,

Thank you for sharing.  This evening I felt particularly lonely so I Googled where people grieve online and came across this website.

I completely understand how you feel, as I feel the same.  I lost my dad in 2017 and my mom in 2020.  Im 32, single, and my older siblings are both married with children.  Being older siblings, it seems that they think they understand and feel the same pain as me, but they already have their future families, which help alleviate the pain as our parents got to experience their weddings, play with their kids, etc.  Their pain is deep too, but it just hurts that my parents will never get to experience that with my future family. 

I too feel that no one understands the pain, frustration and downright emptiness in losing parents.  I have many friends, I excel at my work, and I have a big family, yet there’s such an emptiness inside.  I just want them back so much, and it’s so painful to know they are gone forever.

I know it means well but I am tired of the cliche “they are in a better place watching down from above”.  It’s particularly frustrating to sought to be understood in a world where people feel the need to respond rather than listen. 

Anyways, the pain is deep, but in some awful way, it’s assuring to know I’m not alone.. and it feels a bit better to just get this off my chest.  Thanks for reading.