I can't look at photos

[cowsaregreat]

It's been 3 weeks since my husband passed and I haven't been able to look at a single photo of him yet. Is this 'normal'? I feel like if I do, the pain will be even more unbearable than it already is. I've started slowly talking to his family about him but I can't look at his face. I know there's no normal way to grieve but I'm just wondering if anyone else couldn't face looking at photos too.

[DWS]

It's all reasonable and understandable so it sounds completely normal to me. A photo brings their image into total view...and reality. Right now, your shock is a cushion and acting like a shield to protect you. I was okay with photos but it's those thousands of text messages that I still, to this day, can't re-visit. After eight months, I guess I'm still protecting myself from that reality. 

[Robert D.]

behindthedunes

I was just thinking about how I didn't have any videos of JoAnn.. I can look at the pictures, so far... but I don't think I could look at  any video's right now .. I know I can't... , even if i had them. So there is nothing wrong with not being able to look at pictures.. it really is an individual thing and it can change daily and hourly....or not change too.

[1050_harley]

I feel that pain I'm sorry for your loss it is hard when I look at the only photo of my wife I start to drink and contemplate and it's unbearable everyone grieves differently but the impact and the pain is very very real and I feel your sadness and I'm truly sorry. My inbox is always open if you need to talk about anything at all okay! Hugs and prayers.

[Ronni_W]

12 hours ago, behindthedunes said:

[...] but I'm just wondering if anyone else couldn't face looking at photos too.

Yes, I also couldn't face or deal with looking at his photos. (And, two years later, it is still incredibly emotionally difficult for me, when I do that.)

Also listening to music that I know he loved, or used to get 'silly' about with me, when the music came on. (The theme songs for Formula One, and the TV series 'Mom', to mention only two.) I only recently started listening to the radio again. Yes, I also couldn't face looking at his photos.

Your loss is so recent, and brought back to me how I was 3 weeks in. My heartfelt sympathies and condolences; and sending you all Cosmic strength and comfort.   Ronni

[KayC]

It's been over 17 years for me and still very difficult to pour through pictures.  Also of my family as my kids' dad and I divorced and pictures of us all when they were young are very hard, I just think, "Another family bit the dust."  And I put them away.  Yet I save them, of course.  They are long grown and have busy lives of their own now.

With George it's even tougher because he is gone!  I have some pictures up on the wall, I look at them all the time, but to peruse through pictures of our life together....it's tough, another time, another life.  Sometimes it doesn't seem real.   Nor can I Iisten to his music.

 

[widower2]

On 10/31/2022 at 8:03 AM, behindthedunes said:

It's been 3 weeks since my husband passed and I haven't been able to look at a single photo of him yet. Is this 'normal'? I feel like if I do, the pain will be even more unbearable than it already is. I've started slowly talking to his family about him but I can't look at his face. I know there's no normal way to grieve but I'm just wondering if anyone else couldn't face looking at photos too.

Don't worry about "normal" in this situation. No such thing. It's whatever works for you.

That said, I couldn't look at her pic for a long time, but I knew I would want to eventually and am glad for every one I have. 

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

It also took a bit of time listening to the music he liked, there are still occasions that I can’t listen.

I listened to all his CDs to see what it was he might like about them (he had a long commute, 150 miles/day, he also had very eclectic taste), I couldn't stop until I was done, I ended up giving away the ones I didn't care for but the rest, the ones that had been our songs, I can't listen to them yet!  I don't have a CD changer in my current car like I did back then.

9 hours ago, widower2 said:

Don't worry about "normal" in this situation. No such thing. It's whatever works for you.

For sure!

[Lost7]

Behindthedunes 

I am very sorry for your loss. Triggers can be different for each person. I to have hidden my husband's photos. It is just to painful for me to look at his warm smile. Grief can make you fill abnormal...which is normal. What ever you need to do to survive this hell is the right thing for you. Thank you for sharing.

Lost7