I'm tired

[1050_harley]

I don't know what to talk about I feel completely broken now..I have been lying to myself and lying to everyone else by acting normal when there is nothing normal about my situation. 4 years on from my wifes death and here I am just pretending everything is okay.. I'm not okay and I know I'm not I feel so low and still so hurt that I seriously wish that I could just lay down in bed and never wake up I feel like that every night so somebody please tell me what is normal about that ? What is normal about being trapped in the dark and always wanting to just die? They say that grieving is a process it takes time.. I don't think time will ever fix me or my grief I don't think anything can fix my pain I don't know if it's a issue with accepting things in order to move on or if I am just not willing to let go and say goodbye to my wife. I know we've all dealt with loss it's just everyone's situation is different and the way we handle grief is different. I'm not sure if I have the strength anymore to do this. Something changed in me a huge part of me died alongside my wife I am broken like really broken I have cried more tears in the last 4 years then I have ever cried in my life and now Its a real possibility that I'm going to completely disconnect from reality. I hate this I really hate this.

[Sky64]

Harley,

Your body is in a traumatic state. It needs to rest. Grieving is process as long as you try to work past it. There is no waiting it out. You're going to be okay because if there is one thing our body knows how to do it to survive. It's not going to be easy. It's not going to feel good. But just know, your wife wouldn't want you to give up. She'd want you to fight. To get help. To make it.