Flashbacks

[1050_harley]

I've taken a break from posting on here as I was feeling like it was becoming very overwhelming for me to continue to post and to read other peoples stories I'm sorry if that may come across as being selfish it really isn't my intent.. as I've mentioned in past posts that I lost my wife back in 2019 well now 4 years on and I'm still depressed but managing it actually pretty well so emotionally I have good days and bad days with dealing with it and for a while I would excessively drink and I started to become very numb to it but it was on a very dangerous scale of numb! So I quit drinking but quitting drinking took away the numbness and the flashbacks I now continue to have every night is starting to overwhelm me I refuse to take medication because I'm afraid that one day I may just take all the medication I have and go to sleep and that is not something I want to do and will not risk it so I'm trying to deal with it without drugs and alcohol it's really really tough but I am managing it I do have some really great support I no longer feel so alone in this fight but it's when I lay in bed of a night I keep having flashbacks of the minute I walked or ran from the bedroom too find my wife on the bathroom floor this really overwhelms me it's almost like it's on replay and I can't get rid of it that was a very very traumatic experience for me and this flashback will not go away I cry myself to sleep most nights a 29 year old man fully grown man who cries himself to sleep and that is even if I'm able to sleep... I wish doctors would actually take me seriously in terms of the help that I need and it's not prescription medication like they all just keep offering to me it's almost like my mental health is dismissed even by so called professionals..I carry so much deep, dark weight and pain on my shoulders but I'm trying I'm trying my best to stay afloat it's just so difficult.

[KayC]

I understand.  Have you heard of or would you consider one of the following with a licensed qualified therapist?

EMDR
EFT
EFT in Grief

[1050_harley]

Probably not to be honest. But thank you for suggesting.

[KayC]

It could help you with the images, it's an idea.

[Jemiga70]

22 hours ago, 1050_harley said:

that was a very very traumatic experience for me and this flashback will not go away

@1050_harley  Sorry to hear you're struggling through this.  I can relate in my own way.  My wife passed suddenly, unexpectedly, and I was there.  It was traumatic for me too.  I started EMDR therapy a few months ago.  I was skeptical of anything helping to reduce the trauma, but what I've noticed is my grief, sadness, anger and yearning for her has risen to the surface while the trauma of the day she passed has receded somewhat. I'm not suggesting EMDR is a miracle "cure" but maybe it's helping to decrease the traumatizing memories of that terrible day.  I'll probably need a half-dozen more sessions to really see. Keep fighting.  Explore your options for treating the trauma without alcohol or drugs. Take care,

[DWS]

7 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

@1050_harley  Sorry to hear you're struggling through this.  I can relate in my own way.  My wife passed suddenly, unexpectedly, and I was there.  It was traumatic for me too.  I started EMDR therapy a few months ago.  I was skeptical of anything helping to reduce the trauma, but what I've noticed is my grief, sadness, anger and yearning for her has risen to the surface while the trauma of the day she passed has receded somewhat. I'm not suggesting EMDR is a miracle "cure" but maybe it's helping to decrease the traumatizing memories of that terrible day.

This is interesting. Has the therapist explained how this all works on the mind? I'm guessing that the trauma has always been front and centre and that keeps blocking some of the mind's essential need to process the loss. As the blocking recedes, there's no wonder that your feelings of sorrow and anger would begin to surface. I sometimes wonder if I have a similar blockage of feelings after the trauma of seeing what my scared, fragile mother went through in the hospital during the last couple of weeks of her life nine years ago. I've never been able to discuss it or tell anyone about it. My brother and my sister were there as well but we never mention what we witnessed. I don't think any of us want to. 

[AJ4]

Ok this is going to sound like "don't try this at home" but I had heard of EMDR for a few years and last year something traumatic happened in front of me, and I put myself on an eye movement regimen.  I know I have no training, but whenever the bad picture appeared in my head I'd start doing the eye movements, and it was quite effective.  I have had NO lingering mental effects from an event I feared would cause a lot of flashbacks.  I imagine with something deeper and longer in the past a therapist's guidance would be needed.  

[Ronni_W]

On 10/25/2022 at 3:39 AM, 1050_harley said:

I've taken a break from posting on here [...]

Hey, mate! Good to read you again!!! 💗. Taking self-loving actions isn't "selfish" at all.

Way back 2 decades ago when I first came across EFT, it was also something that could be self-taught and self-utilized or self-applied. (If you follow it up, doesn't mean you have to start working with a 'professional/expert' yet, if you don't feel ready yet. It can be extremely beneficial for all of us, to have an 'outside' eye and view and perspective on how we are doing things, but, don't let that stop you from starting to be able to help/support your own self using other methods and tools than you're currently familiar with using.)

Again, 1050_harley mate, so good to read you again!!! 💗   Ronni

Edited to add: If EFT doesn't grab you, you might also look at Gendling's 'Focusing'. Free PDF available online, and also doesn't need an 'expert' for us to be able to use it on ourselves, for our own benefit.

[Jemiga70]

17 hours ago, DWS said:

Has the therapist explained how this all works on the mind? I'm guessing that the trauma has always been front and centre and that keeps blocking some of the mind's essential need to process the loss.

@DWS  That's pretty much what my counselor said. To help the brain create new neural pathways.