Frustrated that after nearly 2 yrs it’s as if it happened yesterday to me

[Jmac]

When is it suppose to get better -  never I suppose if I keep burying my true feelings. Well,  I have been burying this awful stuff quite well and running away from everyone quite easily except - now there is a lawsuit and it’s RIPPING MY FREAKING HEART OUT and making me deal with my inner grief to the point I’m physically ill and not managing well at all. Its like its the day it happened all over again any time I think of him or anything related to him and well grief and pure rage well up on me.  Cant afford a therapist really….  That’s for the wealthy any more.  Tried to access the governments ‘free’ stuff and hell, I might as well be my own therapist for what they have for free.  I can run,  I can distract myself, I can pretend it never happened (that only lasts so long)    Surprised I’m not a raging alcoholic at this point!    How does anyone else deal with this ????    Does therapy actually work ?????   Cause half the time I think it’s bull.   The person that hit my father on his bike and left him to die…. Still going about their life out there  AND THAT MAKES ME SO GODDAMN ANGRE I COULD….. I have no idea how that sentence would end BECAUSE  I’m not the person I used to be….    

[Ronni_W]

Jmac, I am sorry for your traumatic loss. It's not the same as just "ordinary, everyday, run-of-the-mill, expected" loss.

In my own experience, yes, if we are lucky enough to find a *good* therapist, then she or he can help. People who are graduating from various 'psychology/psychotherapy' programmes offer for-free or low-cost sessions as part of their graduation requirements. I found mine through a Google search, and it was private college; but you can also check with publicly-funded institutions, as I think the graduating requirements are similar,

Also in my experience, even (or perhaps especially?) the ones who have been practicing for a very long time, can still really suck, so it's up to us to just keep searching for the 'right one' for us, individually. It can feel so much more like "error" than "trial", when we start looking for a therapist. Wishing you all the best in your continuing search.  Ronni