Uncluttering and decluttering

[DWS]

For a couple of hours yesterday, I helped a group set up tables for their weekend rummage sale. This is an animal rescue group that I've dealt with in the past. (I'm also looking at adopting a cat that they have in their listings so we'll see where that goes.)

It was so interesting being there...among the living. The wonderful couple that runs the group told me that almost everything there had been in a large storage unit for the past two years because they weren't able to hold the rummage sale during the pandemic. Aisles and aisles of tables holding glassware, dishes, books, pictures, trinkets, vases, hardware and lots of whatnots and what's-this-fors. They asked me to go around and put prices on various things so I felt kind of honoured that they trusted me to do that. 

What intrigued me was how I'm in such a different place...how I'm currently trying to de-clutter my surroundings so everything there presented a past for me. My grief has me sorting and looking at getting rid of things...trying to tidy up that part of my life. I certainly won't get rid of what holds value but everything else feels like needless clutter. Maybe it's a reminder of a past when those things mattered and now just taking up the space for what really matters.

[KayC]

Sometimes I wish I could downsize into a smaller place, take what I need and bulldoze the rest!  I can't without help, of course, esp. with my hand injuries and loss of strength and no where in town to donate to, but still, it's a dream of mine...

[Sparky1]

I've also been de-cluttering around the house. Before my wife passed away she had said that she wanted to get rid of unneeded stuff that was just taking up space. The garage and basement are the worst areas and I have cleaned up my work clothes which I no longer need. For the bigger items like bookshelves and dressers I will get the junk people to come and take them away. I'm at an age where I can't do heavy lifting anymore, so I have no choice but to pay for the service. It's surprising how much crap all of us accumulate that we never use but are hesitant to part with.

[DWS]

It is such a hard task. Bulldozing would take care of it quickly but I know I wouldn't be able to be the one to do it. I'm fortunate being in a larger city that has groups and agencies that are always asking for donations but still, the act of sorting and deciding isn't easy at all. Thankfully, I wasn't much of a packrat but stuff does accumulate over the years. 

10 minutes ago, KayC said:

I can't without help, of course, esp. with my hand injuries and loss of strength and no where in town to donate to, but still, it's a dream of mine...

Likely in your more remote area, it would be much more difficult but I've been amazed at the number of individuals (trusted individuals, I should say) on sites like Freecycle who are looking for certain things that many of us take for granted and throw away. There might be somebody there that might get you started...a sincere somebody with a pickup or large van who would be more than grateful to cart away items. I'm finding a certain sense of relief after getting rid of something and seeing an empty space that can be used to un-junk other parts of my house. 

[Gail 8588]

My brain tells me I should get rid of the tremendous amount of clutter in my home.  I want to do it.   Yet I find it almost impossible to do. 

Not sure why I am not able to it. 

I am not currently a possible episode of "Hoarding Buried Alive", but I do have the potential to drift that way, sadly.  It really seems overwhelming. 

Perhaps this week I'll make a start, again.

Gail

 

[widower2]

14 hours ago, DWS said:

For a couple of hours yesterday, I helped a group set up tables for their weekend rummage sale. This is an animal rescue group that I've dealt with in the past. (I'm also looking at adopting a cat that they have in their listings so we'll see where that goes.)

It was so interesting being there...among the living. The wonderful couple that runs the group told me that almost everything there had been in a large storage unit for the past two years because they weren't able to hold the rummage sale during the pandemic. Aisles and aisles of tables holding glassware, dishes, books, pictures, trinkets, vases, hardware and lots of whatnots and what's-this-fors. They asked me to go around and put prices on various things so I felt kind of honoured that they trusted me to do that. 

What intrigued me was how I'm in such a different place...how I'm currently trying to de-clutter my surroundings so everything there presented a past for me. My grief has me sorting and looking at getting rid of things...trying to tidy up that part of my life. I certainly won't get rid of what holds value but everything else feels like needless clutter. Maybe it's a reminder of a past when those things mattered and now just taking up the space for what really matters.

Sounds like progress DWS, and props for that, that's a very good thing    

 

14 hours ago, KayC said:

Sometimes I wish I could downsize into a smaller place, take what I need and bulldoze the rest!  I can't without help, of course, esp. with my hand injuries and loss of strength and no where in town to donate to, but still, it's a dream of mine...

I had to laugh at "bulldoze the rest"   I'm sorry you don't live closer Kay, I would be glad to help! (Moving that is, not bulldozing.)

[KayC]

IDK. the bulldozing part might be fun!  Kind of a release of sorts...

Years ago I watched my next door neighbor do just that.  They bought a mobile home and it was a disaster, leaking, etc.  I called in to work late, and it was the best two hours I ever spent!  I pulled up a lawn chair and watched as they took down the place, loaded up big trucks that hauled everything off!  They put in a new mobile home, still there these 20 years later!  They've been my neighbors 24 years now!

[DMB]

Kay in a bulldozer and me with a pack of matches!  I have told a few folks that I was ready to just set it all on fire.  I won't though.  I'm just taking my good 'ol time.  When I need something for the bay cottage it's like Christmas morning when I actually find something I could use!   I have some things organized and ready to go down there when we're done, so until then I don't worry much about downsizing.

My sister in laws just came by and took a bunch of stuff I had in the spare room covered in a corner that we kept from my mother in laws house.  Glad that's gone, it's only been there for 2 years.

[Gail 8588]

Here is my trouble with downsizing /decluttering, every once in a blue moon I find something at the right time and I am so glad to have it. 

Thirty six years ago, my first born son was 1 and a half. A solid toddler.  It was his first real Halloween.  I sewed him a very cute bear costume. Padded his little two tone bear cub ears with foam and a made a little foam filled tail. Did a great job sewing in a hidden zipper. I bought a pair of bear slippers that were all the rage back in 1987.  Gave him a triangle black nose with face paint and he was an adorable little toddler bear. Won second place in our small town halloween costume contest.

Well today, just before Halloween, I stumbled across the bin that had the whole costume in it, with the newspaper clipping of my first born getting second place in the contest. 

My youngest grandson is one, and toddling.  I gave his dad the bin and he was delighted to have it.  Another generation will be toddling about in my one of a kind bear suit.  I'm really happy about it. 

So my brain translates this experience into "don't ever get rid of anything".  Ugh.  Not the right lesson to take from this. 

Gail

[KayC]

I have a whole house full of stuff anyone can have, except my kitchen and bedroom closets, and even some stuff in them.

Gail, it sounds adorable!  I have the cap my grandmother tatted for my dad when he was a baby, saved for my son for his kids....he didn't want them.  What do you do with heirlooms no one wants?  Esp. with a lost art like tatting?  My daughter would but she's 40, don't know if she can even have kids now.

[Gail 8588]

Kay, 

It sounds silly, but I really was proud of my sewing job on that little costume.  

My mother taught me to sew. She was a fabulous seamstress. She could have been a clothing designer if she had the chance.  

I totally know what you mean about having heirlooms that no one wants.  Times have changed, no one wants granny's china or silverware or furniture.  Young people move so often and don't have big houses they need to furnish, so they don't need or want these heirlooms.   It's sort of sad, but also understandable. 

I'm glad my son wants to use the little bear costume this year. It's a little heirloom of sorts. 

Gail

[KayC]

I too used to sew for my kids, also made drapes, took in bedspreads, etc for extra income, but after taking my machine in to a shop to be worked on, got it back and it's basically unusable now.  Not really up to getting another, but may consider it one day.  Just for the little jobs.  With these hands I'm afraid those days are over...

[DWS]

I have Diabetes Canada dropping by tomorrow to pick up some donated items that I'm boxing up for them. Decluttering and getting rid of things can be such a huge task for a lot of us even at the best of times but during this time of loss and pensive sentimentality, it takes on a whole other meaning. In gathering up small household items, do I get rid of the tablecloths, the punchbowl set, the ice cube trays that I have too many of, an extra tray of cutlery used for outdoor barbecues, etc...???  All of the items that were used in happier times...and is getting rid of them admitting to myself that there will be no more??  Without Tom here, will I ever care to invite others over for dinner? Do I now need all of these extra wine glasses? Do I have any use for the margarita glasses? Will I ever enjoy a party again let alone host one??  Is that part of my life over? 

[Gail 8588]

@DWS I hear you. All of this is ridiculously hard. Figuring out how we are going to live in the future, when there is this gigantic hole in the fabric of our world.  

All I can say is try not to act out of a feeling of hopelessness.  I understand how it feels like you will never throw a party again, but if you used to enjoy having friends over for margaritas, there is a real possibility that one day you will enjoy that again. If you enjoyed barbecuing in the past, you may one day be able to fondly remember barbecues of the past as you try to recreate Tom's specialties. 

It may make sense to cull back from 20 margarita glasses to 6.  You may want to get rid of items you never liked much anyway. (You don't have to keep things just because your partner liked them.)

Box things away that you can't bear to look at right now but that you don't want to give away. In a few years you may be surprised how good it feels to hold the grill tools that Tom held.  If several years from now you feel okay with rehoming them, it will be easy enough to take the box to a donation center then. 

Just my thoughts on the matter. 

Gail

 

 

 

 

[KayC]

18 hours ago, DWS said:

Will I ever enjoy a party again let alone host one?? 

I know for me entertaining is over, I have no need for the china or crystal and my kids don't want it so I guess it's all waiting for an estate sale someday...

I'm glad you have someone willing to come get it, there is no such place here.

I know it's sad, like closing a chapter on your life...yet so is living in a place haunted by memories/ghosts from the past.

13 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Box things away that you can't bear to look at right now but that you don't want to give away.

Sage advice.

[Jemiga70]

On 1/16/2023 at 11:36 AM, DWS said:

during this time of loss and pensive sentimentality, it takes on a whole other meaning.

I've asked myself similar questions @DWS.  All our stuff is in cardboard shipping boxes in a corner of my parents' basement.  As nomads and renters, we didnt own a house of our own.  Lucky for me my parents said as long as they live in their house, our stuff can stay and I can deal with it at my own pace.  I thank them for that nearly every day.  I know things could be a helluva lot worse; I could be homeless.  One day I will have to deal with it  -  unless I buy my parents' house and then choose to never deal with it.  Our stuff is tangible proof we shared our lives and lived an adventure.  It is both a comfort AND a painful reminder of a life that is over. How the hell is one supposed to resolve this kind of mess??

[Linda Jackson]

I'm trying to clean up things. My husband collected Nascar and coca cola items. When he was here I enjoyed watching him get excited about these things. Now trying to decide what to do with them. I feel like if I get rid of things I won't be reminded he's gone.

[KayC]

7 hours ago, Linda Jackson said:

I feel like if I get rid of things I won't be reminded he's gone.

We will always be reminded of their absence, through everything we're missing.  It's one of the reasons I hate going into the shop...now the floor rotted out, I closed the door, it's painful.  I see/hear him around here...and it's been over 17 1/2 years.  Not like I expect him to come through the door after all these years, but it's like living with a ghost, the hauntiing memories of when we had a life together.

Welcome here, I am very sorry for your loss and that you too are trying to deal with these issues.  Whether you do or you don't, you can get rid of everything or hang onto it, either way they are gone but in a way, they live with us still.

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

8 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

How the hell is one supposed to resolve this kind of mess??

IDK, but I'm glad you have your parents.

[DMB]

I just finished transitioning from Christmas decor to winter decor.  I have gotten that stuff down to what I use and put out, and if it wasn't used, I throw it.  I gave my son a bunch of Christmas stuff last year, so a little relieved to get Christmas down to 3 bins, and all the other seasons are 1 bin.   I do still find a bit of joy opening these things once a year and putting them out.  

I still have some of my husband's clothes in the closet and his dresser.  Not much, but I just want it there.  His sheds are a different story.  Will work on that when it's warmer.  Have stuff staged in another room in the basement waiting to go to the beach cottage when it's done.  Looking forward to having that space back even though I don't use that room.  The other part of my basement I do use for entertaining. Last year I did purge some things.  I try to put the china out at least once a year.  This year I did on New Year's Day. Now it's all stacked away as I hope to host a playoff football game this weekend.

No doubt, there are still moments I think about setting it all on fire, but in the meantime, I refuse to put this sort of pressure on myself to get rid of things.  All in due time and this winter it just isn't happening for me.  It will be there when I get to it.

[DWS]

On 1/16/2023 at 4:50 PM, Gail 8588 said:

Box things away that you can't bear to look at right now but that you don't want to give away. In a few years you may be surprised how good it feels to hold the grill tools that Tom held.  If several years from now you feel okay with rehoming them, it will be easy enough to take the box to a donation center then. 

Thanks, Gail....I ended up just donating a few things that haven't been used in years. I certainly wasn't ready for the heavy emotions pouring out with this somewhat innocent endeavour but it really started hitting me. Is the party over? "They've burst your pretty balloon and taken the moon away". (Thank goodness I have a grief counselling session this afternoon.)

[DWS]

11 hours ago, Linda Jackson said:

I'm trying to clean up things. My husband collected Nascar and coca cola items. When he was here I enjoyed watching him get excited about these things. Now trying to decide what to do with them. I feel like if I get rid of things I won't be reminded he's gone.

Getting rid of things is such a tricky subject. I think it all comes down to a couple of questions: do I want to be reminded of their absence or do I want to be reminded of their presence....and the answers to those are what we work through only on our own and at our leisure. I've read it here many times of grievers taking down their photos and then putting them back up. There is no right or wrong answer for any of us but listening to our hearts is key. 

[Gail 8588]

It will be 6 years since my husband's death in a few weeks. I still have the clothes he wore on the day of his stroke hanging on a hook on my closet door.  They still bring me comfort to see them there. I touch them and talk to John about my day. 

Perhaps some day I'll take them down, or maybe they will hang there until the day I die.  Right now, I still want them in my closet. 

Gail

[foreverhis]

Kind of unrelated, but not entirely.

As most of you know, California has experienced massive damage from flooding. (“Dear God, we said we needed rain. We didn’t mean all at once!”) Certain counties have already been approved for disaster relief.

We’re a spread out, moderate population, no big cities, largely agricultural region. We have some high tech centers and a respected university. Huge tourism, world renown wine appellations, fishing and ranching, and farming.  If you buy broccoli or strawberries in the store, we likely grew them. But we do not have political clout. And so we have not been included—yet.

We have had deaths, drownings (look up the little boy who was swept away in the Salinas because his mom ignored a warning sign; so tragic), multiple water rescues because people are foolish, entire towns cutoff for days, power outages repeatedly, etc.

In our community, a levy of a holding pond broke and sent 4-5 ft of mud and water into a small, low-lying neighborhood. Most of those homes were uninhabitable even before the most recent deluge. The communities all around are helping them and each other.

I promise I have a point and here it is: The residents of that neighborhood have lost so much. Stores and restaurants are providing food and supplies; vet clinics are taking in pets for shelter if needed; construction and agricultural companies are providing equipment and manpower. As for individuals, some people are taking muddy clothes and linens to the laundromat. Others are donating what they can spare.

 I was sitting on the sofa and looked over at the closet to see John’s last big, thick, warm hoodie. Suddenly I felt the thought of, “What good is that hoodie doing you now when you know someone would be so happy to wear it?” So I took it out, went through the drawers and closets to gather the last several items that I hadn’t been able to bring myself to donate or give away. They’re clean and some are brand new. I kept one of his ancient cashmere sweaters. Everything else is going to the clothing donation center set up specifically for locals.

Part of me is having a hard time letting things go even after 4 years.  But most of me hears John’s voice, a man who would give the shirt off his back if he could. I know in my heart that he would rather another man be warm and dry. I am honestly not sure I could have done this 2 or 3 years ago. It’s a long, difficult process deciding what helps and what doesn’t. It’s definitely not a straightforward road at all.

It has to be our choice and our decision what to do and when. For me, things that hurt at first are often comforting now. I put things away and put them back multiple times. I don’t care what others think about it.

[GaryAllen]

I'm in an uncluttering phase.  It's been a couple of years since my wife passed and I've met someone new and ready to move forward.  For me, that also means moving, starting a new job in a new state, and being in a "new to me" home.  All my  belongings are not only just reminders of a life I am not living any longer but just a burden to move.  I think that parts true of anyone, we just tend to collect too much stuff and hate to part with it.  In the end, I just want to keep what brings me joy.  I am living a life I didn't ask for but I am grateful to have with someone new.  That person deserves a fresh start, too, as much as I do.  After all if my late wife were still here I wouldn't value any of these 'things' more than her so I'm not going to do that now.  The memories that arise from things are not the person that's in them so the less I'm attached the easier it is for me to move forward.  

[KayC]

20 hours ago, LostThomas said:

Yes, it's true, I knew she would never get around to it the day she brought it.  But it made her happy that day.  I'm going to have to do it for her now, even if it takes me another 4 years. 

I love that you understood that and even if you never did it, you were accepting/loving of her, that counts..

10 hours ago, foreverhis said:

But most of me hears John’s voice, a man who would give the shirt off his back if he could.

This is my George as well.  He was always giving the shirt off his back to someone, pressing $50 into their hand, giving them a ride to town, buying someone a new tent or sleeping bag.  I think this is a wonderful way you are remembering him, by fulfilling his wishes.

[AJ4]

A few years ago my husband worked with a young guy who was always buying these cheap coats that wouldn't last and wouldn't keep him warm because he didn't have a lot of money.   My sweetie left a list of possessions he wanted given to specific people when he died and one of them was that his coat would go to Matt- it was a practically new down coat of the kind that should last for years and was super warm.  It took me about 9 months to get up the courage to track him down through mutual friends and facebook (both of them had moved jobs after they worked together), and then I was kind of nervous about it, what would he think?  But he was willing to drive all the way to my town and meet me at the Perkins.   I gave him the coat and he hugged me and was crying. Then I was crying.   He asked if I wanted to get coffee at Perkins but I was already on my way to an appointment so I said I couldn't.  I really hope he was wearing it when it was -20 in December.  

[KayC]

-20!  OMG, so glad you gave  him that coat!  and how sweet of your husband!  Mine had a list in his wallet, he didn't know he was going to die, it was a note to himself of what he wanted to do for others, and I was able to find the things he'd purchased for them and deliver on them.

[DWS]

I have Diabetes Canada dropping by tomorrow to pick up more donated items. They called to tell me a truck will be in my neighbourhood so I said "yes...I would like to get rid of some things". 

I started this topic a few months ago because of my need to de-clutter. At this stage in my life, I need to start letting go of some of my past....things I'm holding onto...dreams I'm holding onto.  I don't think this has much to do with ridding myself of reminders and detaching...or maybe detaching is part of it. A lot of what I'm getting rid of is glassware, knick-knacks, candle holders, etc....dust collectors and not needed. This clutter feels heavy and grief is heavy enough. I'm looking forward to a bit of open space in my surroundings. Likely there's something meaningful in that. 

[KayC]

On 10/22/2022 at 3:57 PM, Gail 8588 said:

My brain tells me I should get rid of the tremendous amount of clutter in my home.  I want to do it.   Yet I find it almost impossible to do. 

I feel this way also but have no help and with my hand injuries and no place in town to give it to...so there it sits.

[DWS]

15 minutes ago, KayC said:

I feel this way also but have no help and with my hand injuries and no place in town to give it to...so there it sits.

I wish there was a way I could help. I'm finding a bit of personal release happens for myself. That happened last week when I finally parted with a pair of narrow TV speakers that a friend of mine gave to me a few years ago. He had bought himself another television and didn't need these speakers so he thought I might like them (thanks, Al...😒 ). I never did hook them up and they lingered in my basement getting in the way. So finally, last week, I put them out on the curb with the garbage that night. Somebody scooped them up within an hour so hopefully that person gets some use out of them. It felt so good to let them go. 

[Gail 8588]

My post from 10/22/22 is still totally accurate.  I have gotten rid of almost nothing and still want to get rid of a great deal. 

Hope springs eternal.  This summer I intend to make a real stab at decluttering!  (Can't begin right now, because my eldest son is getting married June 3. Too much to do between now and the wedding, but right after that . . .  🙂)

Gail

[KayC]

6 hours ago, DWS said:

I wish there was a way I could help.

I figure I'll live here as long as I can and when I can no longer, I'll move and have an estate sale with what's left and then hire junk haulers.  Same as we did for my sister when she died.

[foreverhis]

8 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Hope springs eternal.  This summer I intend to make a real stab at decluttering!

Gail, I have to chuckle a little.  I feel that way every day lately.  I am determined to go through with giving away and selling many things this summer.  Fingers crossed that I get my act together and actually do it.

[Roxeanne]

I reason impulsively on the base on my emotions and sometimes regret it!

I donated everything of him, except for a blue jacket and a pink shirt that he wore at my niece's wedding...he was so handsome! 

Anytime i need help i can touch them and feeling his sweet soul come to help me again...

But i saw  some of our photos from our trip in S.Francisco in 2017...he was wearing a nice clear jacket very original and special!

In my impulse to get rid of everything in the hope to get rid of my pain too, i donated that jacket  and now regret it...'cos it was so suitable to him, it tell me of his artistic and polyhedric  personality!

Hope someone else can wear it with the same easy intensity...!!

luckily i had his photos with that jacket.... but take your time with his things!

 

[KayC]

I'm glad you have pictures of him with his jacket, so important!  I remember George's suede coat, he looked so handsome in it!  I remember the day we bought it, the huge thunder and lightening storm we had, everything about that day. He truly looked handsome in it.  (I had one matching, different cut but same suede).  I'd love to see the one you have of your husband in his!

[Roxeanne]

Thank you Kay...George look gorgeous in his jacket!

I would like post the picture of my Giorgio but i don't know why i can't post any photo here🙃

[KayC]

I am so sorry, Roxeanne, I accidentally deleted your post in which you said it was too big.  My fingers jitter and sometimes do a thing on their own.  I really apologize.  These darn hand injuries!

Do you have Paint with your PC?  If so you can open the file in paint and resize it, if I'm not mistaken it needs to be under 500 which isn't very big.

 

[Roxeanne]

It does no really matter Kay!

Thanks i will try to make my photos less big

[KayC]

Good luck with it!  Hoping...

[KayC]

Here you go Roxeanne!

[Roxeanne]

Thanks Kay for post my photos...i can't post them!

My Giorgio wore his jacket in front of the museum Legion of Honor in S. Francisco summer 2017.

Unforgettable!!!!

[KayC]

I'm so glad you have that memory!

[DMB]

My daughter brought over some of her clothes to see if I wanted them.  Things coming into to house without things going out stirs up a bit of anxiety in me as I am a Virgo and I like things organized, but not to the extent that I'm OCD.  Also, with things going down to the cottage, I am trying not to get too uptight about all the "STUFF!"

So, I've started sorting right after I went into our closet looking for the binoculars to take down to the cottage.  Obviously, the case was where it should be, yet the case was empty.  Where could they be?  Are they in there?  Somewhere? Only way to find out is to take everything out and see.  As much as I do not want to do this right now, I came up with a system (in my head) that I will try.  I would love to have this task done as quickly as possible.  Giving myself until Sunday.

System:  All dress clothes slightly worn, coats, household items in boxes to donation bin.  Everything else in the dumpster.

In my mind, all these other clothes that are worn, have been washed over and over again, are of no real use to anyone else.  If I haven't worn it in a year, it's just gone. It's the best way that I think I can bring myself to complete this task. Lastly, I do have an idea of things I'm keeping of my husbands.  Having some things around does bring me comfort.  I cannot throw or donate all of his stuff; I still need some.

 

[KayC]

I am also organized and it's driving me nuts having my hand injuries and loss of strength AND nowhere in town to get rid of anything!  I have to live with it.

 

[Mama_Bear_11]

My sister in law is moving in to help me with the kids (it will be nice to have another adult in the house). But that means I am moving out of our master into what has been the guest room. It has been both wonderful and torture as the time has counted down to this move; I told my husband our room made me feel like "a princess in a castle" and … I'm no longer a princess. (Dowager Queen, maybe!)  I like the new room, but leaving "our room" has been hard.

 

Decluttering hasn't been too bad, though. He had about a million t-shirts from the games he made. Some I want, some I want for the kids. He had -way too much gaming memorabilia- though, so I'm going to sell them on eBay. His dad had also given us random things over the years and I've started selling those on eBay and already made $200! Might as well make a little bit!
 

So between making money on eBay and trying to make enough room for myself in the guest room, the decluttering has not been too bad.

[KayC]

That has to have been difficult so I commend you for your efforts!

[DMB]

No binoculars found.  Yet. 

Closet cleaned up and I also went through dresser drawers.  No donating, everything went into the dumpster. 2 large trash bags of old clothes, broken hangers, and useless household items.  Who uses cameras anymore?  I sure don't-dumped it!  Not sure it even worked and the less time I spent thinking or wanting to ask myself these questions meant more time getting done.  This was the best way I found to do it.  Don't ask-dump if you haven't needed it, or wore it, in a year.  Took about an hour and that was with scrubbing, sweeping, and organizing what was left.

[Gail 8588]

DMB, 

I admire your efforts and success.  Hopefully I am inspired to do the same. 

I somehow have misplaced my TV remote.  My mom used to say "when you can't find things, it's time to clean the house". I will be cleaning and decluttering and hopefully will find the remote. 

Gail 

[KayC]

Gail, I hope you find your remote.

I envy you both talking about decluttering, witth my hand injuries I'm unable to do so...15 now during pandemic, with lasting effects.  I never dreamed it'd debilitate me so young (I still think of 70 as young).  That and no place to donate to without a long trip to town with west coast price of gas.  Will have to wait for the estate sale when I am on my way out.  Today my agenda is to vacuum or dust, Friday the other.

[DWS]

Because of my decluttering interest, a new channel entitled "The New Retired Me" came up on my Youtube video feed a couple of weeks ago. It is one man's journey being newly retired and single who moved into his mother's home.  One of his videos on decluttering has drawn close to half a million viewers to his channel and it's been interesting to see how his subscribers list expanded from that. Anyway, I thought I'd share one of his most recent videos where he is clearing out one of his storage spaces. The one key thing missing here is the emotional attachments to his stuff but I'm finding it helpful as a companion to my own decluttering efforts. It's somewhat inspiring. I did chuckle at him keeping a humidifier that no longer works...that type of thing resonates 🤔