Overwhelm and Anxiety

[PLin]

What I find really difficult now is when the total overwhelm resurfaces. I can be going along fairly well and then for some reason, sometimes not even something obvious I find myself back in the abyss of grief. It has been eight months since Ted died which I know is still a short amount of time.

I have to rake the leaves by myself this year which feels emotionally overwhelming. It isn't physically overwhelming as I did almost all of it last year as Ted was weak. This year I don't have him pitching in as much as possible and his gratitude for my taking over the task. So now it feels empty. 

That is an example of a little thing that causes the overwhelm. 

I was a person who was pretty good at grounding myself with meditation or yoga but lately when I find myself in a state of high anxiety, I can't seem to find a way to calm myself. I found different breathing techniques were helping a lot but even that doesn't seem to work at the worst of times any longer.

It just feels so complicated. 

[Kevin O]

I feel the same way.  Everything feels overwhelming. Even trying to write a semi-intelligent, heartfelt response to this post is causing me stress. write, delete,write, delete, etc. So for now i will just say I get exactly what you wrote.

[KayC]

We can't do everything they did especially as we age, I've had to let the garden go, I let the leaves mulch and focus on picking up limbs, hauling firewood, building fires, hire out my mowing and tree cutting/trimming and buy firewood.  We have to simplify as we can't do at 90 what we did at 50, it's been 17 years for me, I'm 70 now with injuries that declined my strength, we have to compensate somewhere.

[BohoKat]

4 hours ago, PLin said:

I find myself in a state of high anxiety, I can't seem to find a way to calm myself

@PLin I am sorry for the loss you have suffered and the pain it is causing you now. I have had some anxiety but nothing like after my husband died last year. It seems that for many I have talked to here, some of it is the new life we are forced into provoking additional/severe anxiety.

In my case, I am disabled (severe bipolar) and my dear husband was my caretaker. My grown daughter is now, and expects a much higher level of functioning from me. She does it in a loving way but it is still traumatic and anxiety provoking to change my life this way.

My therapist suggested choosing a meaningful short phrase and repeating it to reset the anxiety. When I feel the anxiety and troubling thoughts start, I repeat over and over, “Lord I trust you.” until I start to calm down. Mine is, but it doesn’t have to be, spiritual, just affirming like “I am strong enough for this.” I had too been down the breathing etc. path but this finally worked for me. Just a suggestion. <hugs> Peace, BohoKat 

[Carol34]

4 hours ago, Kevin O said:

I feel the same way.  Everything feels overwhelming. Even trying to write a semi-intelligent, heartfelt response to this post is causing me stress. write, delete,write, delete, etc. So for now i will just say I get exactly what you wrote.

This is exactly what happens to me when I try to post here.  I start feeling like I need to share things with people who understand (aka: all of you), but my posts don't make as much sense as they do in my head.  (I have already retyped the first two sentences 3 times!).

Every little thing seems monumental when I think about doing it.  Before Paul died, I was a list maker.  I loved writing long, detailed lists of things I wanted to accomplish each day.  Now, if I write 4 things down, I might get two of them done...and it might take me days to do them!  I dread making important phone calls, because I lose my train of thought before they pick up the phone (it's even worse if I'm put on hold before I get to talk), and then I don't make sense when I talk to the people on the other end.

It's been just over a year for me.  Over the past few weeks, I've found myself in what I call, "a deep dark hole."  Everything causes me anxiety.  The never-ending commercials on TV for Medicare renewal just make me think of all the phone calls I need to make.  The restaurant commercials remind me that I don't have money to enjoy anything like that...not even once a month, like I thought I would.  The other day, there was a wedding on show I was watching.  I collapsed into a puddle on the couch, knowing that if anyone got married right now, I couldn't handle attending.  I can't imagine what the Christmas commercials are going to do to me!  And I can't give up TV.  It's the only entertainment I can afford!

Sorry for the rant.  I came here to start a different post, but saw this one and just had to respond.  Even though this took a long time with all of the rewrites!

[KayC]

15 hours ago, BohoKat said:

My therapist suggested choosing a meaningful short phrase and repeating it to reset the anxiety

I used to quote "Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you." in the middle of the night when my mind would be going and I'd think of everything in the world to worry about but couldn't go to sleep...it didn't work.  I knew all the scriptures on anxiety.  I got on sleeping pills, it's been a lifesaver.  Someone told me they aren't good for me, to which I replied, neither is no sleep, and I tried that for years!  Still take my anxiety meds, 2 of the 3/day they prescribed, not an SSRI, as safe and non addictive as I could find, no side effects.  If I only live to 90 instead of 94 because of them I'm cool with that.  Nothing in my 90s I care to see...my son disagrees, he hasn't tried it yet, he's only 38.

Grief brain-loss of mind
Grief Brain-Widows Brain
Widow Brain

[BohoKat]

On 10/17/2022 at 7:32 AM, KayC said:

I got on sleeping pills, it's been a lifesaver.  Someone told me they aren't good for me, to which I replied, neither is no sleep, and I tried that for years!  Still take my anxiety meds

@KayC @PLin I agree wholeheartedly. There comes a time sometimes where we have to admit brainpower and sheer will aren’t getting the job done in managing anxiety, sleep, depression etc. No shame in taking/increasing meds under dr supervision if that’s what you need (take some myself). The most important thing is taking care of yourself and staying healthy. Peace, BohoKat 

[KayC]

Thanks, BohoKat.  I am so beyond caring what others think about what I say and do with my life, I'm 70, I've earned the right to do things my way!    

[BohoKat]

@KayC there is a wonderful old poem that goes something like “when I am old, I shall purple with a red hat that doesn’t go…” and lists all kinds of “bad behavior,” AKA what other people don’t like.Think that’s where the Red Hat society took their inspiration. I am only 57, but aspire to your bravery!  

[KayC]

Thanks!  I have that poem up on my wall (in purple), my little sister cut it off a t-shirt and framed it when I turned 60!

 

[Ronni_W]

On 10/16/2022 at 11:39 AM, PLin said:

It just feels so complicated. 

For me, it's not only that it "feels" complicated, but that it actually IS complicated (for me to have to navigate all of this new territory).

At the same time and with many thanks to DWS, I'm now trying to remember, "It is complicated...but only for now." (I'll get more and more used to this new way of things, and it'll become less and less complicated.)