Members enrique15 Posted January 15, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hello, everyone. I don't know if I'm allowed to share this webspace with you all, because I see this site is for the ones that have lost someone, and in my case, the one that lost a partner, a husband, is this woman that I love so much, and I want to be a good friend for her. I'll tell our story shortly:I'm 26, she's 30 years old.I knew her 4 months ago, because I was teaching classes in an university, where this woman was my student. And unexpected, we made a connection. Well, it was a sad connection, because I asked her if she was a "parent", and she answered me by saying "yes, I'm a mother, but widow". I felt so ashamed for my intention of making a connection with this woman, thinking that maybe she was single. But, anyway, we continued talking, and she told me that her husband passed away in a boat accident a little bit more than a year ago. An accident I knew about, because in that same event passed away a nurse that was friend of my father. What a coincidence, I thought in that moment. Well, the main theme here is that she started to call me, talk to me, hang out with me a little bit, and in a little time we got in a lovely relationship. I felt happy because for my first time I felt like I got a real girlfriend. But in the days to come, sometimes she talked most of the time about the things she learned, did, and lived, with her late husband. And other days, she told me about feeling bad or ackward having me as a boyfriend, because she felt as if she was disrespecting her husband. I'll tell you the truth: in the past 4 months that we were going out as boyfriend-girlfriend, I felt jealous of her husband, and also guilty of his death, as if he passed away because of me or something like that. All because I was worried about that she wouldn't love me as I did. But 2 days ago I decided to search on the internet for some informationg about "widowhood" and "how to understand a widow" and "how to be friend to a widow". And reading different web pages about the issue, I felt sad and angry with myself, thinking about how selfish I was, how stupid I was the past months. Because she is a great woman, besides the pain and suffer she's dealing with. And she loves her late husband so much. I learned reading those webpages that a person that losses his partner, in this case a widow that has lost her husband, needs a lot of patience, a lot of respect, and great amounts of love, care, and support. I understand that my previous feeling about her husband were because of my selfishness, and I'm thankful that I learned it now (4 months later) instead of 10 years later. Now I know that I owe a respect for the memory of her husband, that was a great man as she has told me, and I know that previous of acting as a boyfriend trying to gain the love of a woman, I have to be a "friend" to help her and support her in this hard times. Now I understand why she's so worried about people watching us in the streets, or that her family knows about her having a new mate, because only 2 of her friends know that she has a new relationship with a man, not even her closest sister knows about it because she get nervous about making someone angry. Sometimes I thought that it'll be a difficult relationship because while she's in a "grieving time", I was thinking of living a "boyfriend time". But now I understand that she loves her husband, and if she wants to create a new life with a man in the future, time will tell... but must important, I want to be with her from now on helping her, being her strength in life as much as I can, as I know her family and friends try to do every single day. So, I wanted to share my situation with you, who know better of what I'm talking here. And I wanted to ask you for advice to be a good man to her, not knowing if I'm planned to be a new boyfriend or even husband for her in the future. But to try being a good FRIEND to her, because she's really great with me, she has resisted lots of angry and sad moments I had with her because of my selfishness, that now I'm aware about and also feel sorry for being like that before. She's a great woman, and I want to be as much help as a man that loves a woman can be. Thanks for reading. And also thanks for any ideas you want to share with me. I'm new in this matters, but I want to be a better person everyday, and better yet, if I can be a good person beside her. Regards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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