Huge changes

[pet chipmunk]

When my husband passed, I knew my life was forever changed. It's life altering. I've discovered how alone I really am. I think I'm still trying to redefine myself. I'm nowhere the person that I was. I'm scared to death of what lies ahead, and honestly for good reason. Just this year... My mom passed in January. My ex mother-in-law passed in February. My ex boyfriend passed in July. My husband passed in August. My ex husband's grandpa passed in September. And just yesterday (October), my stepdad's brother passes. I really wish I was exaggerating. My ex husband is my first husband and father of my youngest two. He's also the one that shook my youngest boy and nearly killed him. My son is now 16 and he knows why he has his problems. He has autism and cerebral palsy. He called my ex boyfriend Dad and my husband Dad. I'm scared of what's next.....

Oh yeah, and somehow I have managed to quit smoking cigarettes completely. No nicotine and no cravings. Been over a week now. 

[Sally72]

@eternityhope I applaud you on quitting smoking! Good for you, keep it up!! 
As for all of the losses in your life, I just want to say I’m sorry and give u a big hug! (((hugs))) I sense underneath you are a stronger than you probably give yourself credit for, keep on keeping on one day at a time! I know how you feel when you talk about feeling alone and also can connect with the scared feelings. I wish I had adequate words to help, to really help! Just know we all care and keep sharing here!  
🤍 & 🤗 

[Gail 8588]

Eternityhope,

Congratulations on quitting smoking!  That is huge. Stick to it, you will feel so much better and you will be with your son longer.

I am sorry you have had so many losses. It is hard not to be discouraged.  But take it one day at a time and try not to  dwell on all the bad things that "could"  happen.  There are too many of those. It is enough to deal with the things that do actually happen, and there are far fewer of those. 

Gail

[KayC]

Congratulations on quitting smoking!  A huge feat!

My heart goes out to your son and you also with all you've been through!

[BohoKat]

@eternityhope it is good to see you here, albeit for a completely rotten reason. There are no words to express the burden of the amount of loss you have suffered in such a short time. My heart goes out to you. It has been years between my major losses, and I wondered each time how I would get by. I cannot imagine carrying your load. You and your son are in my prayers.

I think I remember you saying something in an earlier post about trying to leave your son for a short period. How did that go? Did it work out? <hugs> BohoKat 

[pet chipmunk]

I am able to leave for short periods of time. I have a few supportive neighbors that he knows he can go to.

None of this has been easy... My husband was my best friend, my number one supporter, my everything. I'm going day by day. I wasn't planning or trying to quit smoking. After my husband passed, I was smoking less and less. My reasoning was they taste bad. Plus I can't afford it. I really appreciate the prayers and hugs... I really really want to wake up. I hurt so bad but I have a smile while I'm pushing my way thru the day. I have to keep it together for my son. This is so hard. 💔😭