My mom passed away a week ago. What do I do?

[Paul Stiffler]

OBITUARIES

OCT 7, 2022

 

 

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SALEM – Tia Marie (Tyson) Stiffler, 43, of Salem, died on Wednesday afternoon, October 5, 2022 at the emergency room of St Elizabeth Hospital/Mercy Health, Youngstown.

She was born July 5, 1979 in Salem, daughter of Dwane E. and Mary Ellen (Courtwright) Tyson.

Tia graduated from Salem Senior High School in 1998. As a young adult she worked as a clerk at several convenience stores, but for most of her life she was a homemaker. She enjoyed putting together puzzles and coloring in adult coloring books. Tia’s favorite pastime was playing on her iPad which she spent numerous hours doing. She also loved watching movies. But above all Tia’s pride and joy was her son, whom she loved tremendously.

In addition to her parents, she is survived by her son, Paul Andrew Stiffler of Adamsville, AL, a sister Wanda (William) Lieder, and nephew Jacob Dwane Lieder both of Salem.

Tia is preceded in death by her brother, Adam Lee Tyson in July of 2018.

A Celebration of Life Gathering is planned for Saturday October 8, 2022 from 1-3:00 p.m. at Arbaugh-Pearce-Greenisen & Sons Funeral and Cremation Services in Salem.

2 minutes ago, Paul Stiffler said:

OBITUARIES

OCT 7, 2022

 

 

• 
•  
• 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SALEM – Tia Marie (Tyson) Stiffler, 43, of Salem, died on Wednesday afternoon, October 5, 2022 at the emergency room of St Elizabeth Hospital/Mercy Health, Youngstown.

She was born July 5, 1979 in Salem, daughter of Dwane E. and Mary Ellen (Courtwright) Tyson.

Tia graduated from Salem Senior High School in 1998. As a young adult she worked as a clerk at several convenience stores, but for most of her life she was a homemaker. She enjoyed putting together puzzles and coloring in adult coloring books. Tia’s favorite pastime was playing on her iPad which she spent numerous hours doing. She also loved watching movies. But above all Tia’s pride and joy was her son, whom she loved tremendously.

In addition to her parents, she is survived by her son, Paul Andrew Stiffler of Adamsville, AL, a sister Wanda (William) Lieder, and nephew Jacob Dwane Lieder both of Salem.

Tia is preceded in death by her brother, Adam Lee Tyson in July of 2018.

A Celebration of Life Gathering is planned for Saturday October 8, 2022 from 1-3:00 p.m. at Arbaugh-Pearce-Greenisen & Sons Funeral and Cremation Services in Salem.

This is my mom

[Nadia216]

@Paul Stiffler I am so sorry for your loss. My boyfriend lost his mom last December and his father 3 months later. Seeing his struggles and sadness, I can only offer one piece of advice. Lean on your support system, whoever that is. Talk about your mom, cry, grieve. It is the natural tendency to not show emotion or channel it in other ways (anger, drinking, etc), and while those may provide a temporary solution, it will wear off. I will keep you in my prayers. Feel free to reply if you need or want to vent. Take care. 

[Paul Stiffler]

16 hours ago, Nadia216 said:

@Paul Stiffler I am so sorry for your loss. My boyfriend lost his mom last December and his father 3 months later. Seeing his struggles and sadness, I can only offer one piece of advice. Lean on your support system, whoever that is. Talk about your mom, cry, grieve. It is the natural tendency to not show emotion or channel it in other ways (anger, drinking, etc), and while those may provide a temporary solution, it will wear off. I will keep you in my prayers. Feel free to reply if you need or want to vent. Take care. 

Thanks for the advice. Appreciate it. (Anybody Else?)

[Hope4all]

Paul, I’m so sorry. She was so young. I’m not saying it’s easy to lose your parents if they’re old but I do think when someone dies several years below the average life expectancy, it feels unfair. I don’t understand why I had my grandparents into their 90s and my mom is dying before age 70. I don’t know what your beliefs are but I love reading near-death experience stories. It helps believing that once we die, we’re surrounded by peace and the greatest love possible. Believe that you were given this life for a purpose and that your mom wants you to live it as best you can. Make her proud. 

[Paul Stiffler]

17 hours ago, Hope4all said:

Paul, I’m so sorry. She was so young. I’m not saying it’s easy to lose your parents if they’re old but I do think when someone dies several years below the average life expectancy, it feels unfair. I don’t understand why I had my grandparents into their 90s and my mom is dying before age 70. I don’t know what your beliefs are but I love reading near-death experience stories. It helps believing that once we die, we’re surrounded by peace and the greatest love possible. Believe that you were given this life for a purpose and that your mom wants you to live it as best you can. Make her proud. 

Thanks. (If anyone else has advice, make sure to reply!!!)

[Wandering Soul]

Hello, Paul Stiffler. 

I'm so very sorry to hear that you have lost your beloved mother at such a young age.  I'm grateful that you found this forum and hope it helps you as much as it has helped myself and others find some healing.  You may feel a very real sense of loneliness at the moment, but you're far from alone.  

The loss of a parent can be so traumatic!  We all have stages of grief that we go through, but the timeframes for grieving (in general) varies.  Be patient with yourself as you go through these stages.  You will have good days and bad days ahead.  Somedays, you might find yourself able to carry on just by reflecting on the wonderful memories you have of your mother.  Other days may be filled with sadness and maybe even some regret.  It's okay, this is normal.  Keep going. 

Some folks might say, "It get's easier."  I think what they mean by this is that in time, the shock and deep pain of the event lessens.  In my opinion, the sadness remains to a degree, but over time we learn to manage and/or cope with our feelings better.  

Find healthy outlets for grief.  If you have a strong, reliable, safe support system in place, use it.

Sometimes talking with others who have lost their parents really helps.  I found it easier to speak with people on this forum going through similar situations than with friends who still had their parents with them.  It was easier to relate and over all, I felt the advice to be more genuine and honest.

Triggers back to memories of our parents happen.  In my opinion, the hardest triggers to navigate are those unexpected.  Perhaps you'll be having a conversation with someone and something is said that takes you back to an interaction you had with your mother.  Sometimes this happens with music as well.  Sometimes, you'll walk into a store and suddenly become aware that your parent's favorite song is being played across the loud-system.  Those moments can be hard to navigate as the sadness can be overwhelming.  It's okay.  As I stated before, in time we seem better able to manage these feelings and unexpected triggering events better. 

As time progresses, finding ways to continue to honor a deceased parent can be therapeutic and lessen sadness.   

I don't know how it will be for you, but time has filled my heart with tremendous gratitude for my parents.  Even though they are gone, I find myself grateful for the time I had with them, the lessons that they shared, their sacrifices, etc.  I can't explain it, but this gratitude for the time I had with them has helped ease me through some of the grief I felt. 

You may find comfort in keeping something of your mother's close by.  Sometimes, I wear one of my mother's rings... sometimes, I spray a little of my father's cologne on an item.  It somehow makes them feel a little bit closer.  

Death may take a loved-one away, but it doesn't take away the love you have for your mother or the love she had for you!  I know it's hard not hearing those words from a loved one any more, but the love that you have for one another can still be felt through fond memories and special moments you had together.   When a parent passes away, the hurt and sorrow is so deep and our thoughts aren't very clear as we're in a state of distress.

Last piece of advice?  Take things one day at a time and be kind to yourself.

 

Wishing you all the best on your healing journey, 

Wandering Soul

[Teri K]

Hi, Paul.  I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom over 3 years ago, and I am still devastated.  You have gotten some beautiful responses already.  I agree that the pain never really leaves.  And sometimes it will randomly surge up, and the tears will flow again.  I think reaching out here is a great step.  I feel funny talking about my grief with anyone but my family, but I know I need it.  I miss her so, so much. I feel like I lost my innocence and that my world was turned upside down when I lost my mom. 

What has helped a little is that I know she still communicates with me.  She sends me animals sometimes: I see her favorite bird (the egret) everywhere.  And on my last birthday a monarch butterfly landed on my hand and stayed there for at least a minute.  (I was worried there was something wrong with it until it finally flew off!)

One night when I was taking it really hard and sobbing into my pillow I begged her to visit me in my dreams and said that I wanted to hug. And that night she was there.  I remember she was simply standing there, and I was like "Oh, I'm supposed to hug her now." And I did. I just stood there and hugged her.  Of course it's not the same.  It will never be the same.  But it provides me some comfort. 

I used to call her almost every day after work to talk to her about my day, and I'd like to start doing that again.  Even though I am a spiritual person and have already received signs, it's still hard for me to just reach out to her for some reason, but I think I'll get there with time.  I'd also suggest to write down everything that you can about her.  Look through pictures.  Record your memories.  Listen to her phone message.  Read her texts.  (I wish I still had those - lost them when I lost my old phone.)  I was so worried about forgetting her, as sometimes my memory is a little foggy, but I've been pleasantly surprised by random memories from myself and others that have come up since her passing. 

Finally, I saw someone recommended this book on another thread: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0692795952 ("What's Missing is You"). I added it to my shopping cart and will probably purchase it when I feel ready to start using it. 

Love and light to you.  Sincerely,

Teri