Losing my mom is wrecking my life.

[Flwildflower]

My mom was killed in February. Motor versus pedestrian accident. I am so lost and angry now that it's affecting my life. She was a Healthcare provider and she have her all the the people in our community.. she didnt deserve what happened to her, she should have been an old woman warm in her bed. Im angry at the kid who did it (16yo) even thought I'm sure he's traumatized by it too, I'm angry at the hosptial because they didnt help her even when they knew she was having back problems - thats the only reason she was in the parking lot where she was (trying to park as close as possible). I feel so bad for my father, they'd been married 48 years when she died. He keeps trying to say well gwt through this and she's still with us but I can feel that way. The moat important person in my life is gone and I just cant figure out how im supposed to live with it. Im a nurse but haven't even working much because my ability to be patient with people is all but gone. My doctor put me on mood elevators but they haven't helped. I literally messed up a family trip this weekend, ot started on my birthday - my first one without her.. All I wanted all weekend was to come home and be alone. That's all I do lately, be alone. I stay home and so projects around my house.. I don't go out, I don't socialize.. nothing much gives me any sort of feeling of happiness. I don't know what to do or where to go... so I'm here. Maybe talking to strangers will help, I don't know.

[reader]

Dear Flwildflower,

I am deeply sorry for your loss. It is understandable to be angry about losing your mom. Everything you are sharing with us is a part of your grief. Please know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Different things work for different people. I too felt very angry and wanted to hide from the world. I went to grief counselling and joined a support group. I also looked for online supports because I didn't feel supported by family and friends. 

Please know you are not alone. My counsellor told me on average it could take 18 months to feel better after a loss. But there is no fixed timeline. I tried many different things from joining MeetUp groups, writing, reading, doing arts and crafts. There is no magic bullet. It's been 6 years and there are still days I struggle. I keep trying to move forward in hopes of honoring my dad's memory.

These websites were also helpful to me.

What's Your Grief

Grief in Common

Thinking of you. x 

[Traz]

Dear Flwildflower,

I can't begin to imagine the pain, shock and extreme feelings that come with losing your parent in this way. I truly am sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you. 

Please know that feelings of anger are very common during grieving, especially when confronted by a sudden and traumatic death like your mom's. Unlike dying from a disease such as cancer (which has it's own trauma) there was no chance to say good bye, tell her something important or share a recent experience.  I think I would be very angry about that myself.  Do you have siblings who you can share your grief with? Are you able to talk with your dad at all? I understand about not wanting to socialize, it feels like you're just going through the motions when you're out with people. My mom died right before the pandemic and everything was locked down. I wrote a lot in a journal for those couple of years. I had my one sister I cried with. 

It's just so hard. I listened to some podcasts about grief and they helped. I also started watching stuff on near-death experiences and that above anything else, brought me a sense of peace. It has been 3 years since my mom died and I'm in a better place, but still have days where the longing for her is really intense. It's more bearable now I guess. You are still only months into this journey of grief and the first year is so very tough. Keep reaching out, let yourself cry and scream and melt down if you need to. 

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Xo

Traz

 

[G.T.]

I am so sorry for your loss, and what you are going through. I understand. I lost my mother in April this year. I just stumbled onto this forum today. I would like to suggest two other grief support groups on Facebook for those of us who have lost our mothers. You will find a great deal of support in these groups. I am a member of both of them. That should not happen.  Hope to see you in there, Flwildflower. Sending you a hug. 

Groups:

1. Healing After the Loss of Your Mother

2. Grieving the Loss of Your Mother