Another Date for October

[Sparky1]

I received a call this morning from my SIL that my MIL passed away overnight. The coroner is still at the house, and now it's just a waiting game. She hadn't eaten for a few weeks, surviving on juice, coffee and water. She did not want to go to the hospital or to the doctor and just withered away. I think she was too distraught after losing her daughter almost 2 years ago and probably just gave up. Thankfully she had arranged her funeral a while back so it's just a matter of sorting out paperwork. She went just 18 days before her daughter's 2nd anniversary of passing. No thanksgiving this Monday, that's for sure, just more sorrow piled on top of an already huge sorrow. 

[DWS]

I'm so sorry for this added loss in your life and so very saddened to hear of the continuing despair that your MIL went through with the loss of her daughter. These are the very sad outcomes of grief and losses in life that so many in our society just aren't aware of and are not highlighted....but it's all so understandable to those of us who are aware. Warm hugs to you. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry, Sparky, heavy hearts for sure, and I've no doubt you're right about her giving up when her daughter died.  She is at peace now and all that remains is the paperwork and missing her...peace to you, dear friend.

[BohoKat]

On 10/6/2022 at 8:46 AM, Sparky1 said:

Thankfully she had arranged her funeral a while back so it's just a matter of sorting out paperwork

@Sparky1 I am so sorry for loss piled on loss for you. You did bring up a very important point though about prearrangement of funerals. My husband pushed me to do ours about a decade ago. I was so grateful when he passed last year that we had it done. He was 12 years older than me so sometimes I didn’t understand but he was just taking care of me the way he always did. Peace, BohoKat <hugs>

[KayC]

I've talked to my pastor and given my kids a copy of my living will, medical directive, etc.  Just did it a couple of months ago.  Also added my son onto my bank account.

[BohoKat]

@KayC Your heirs will be grateful to you. My daughter and I have had a few financial and legal snarls were stuff was missed in the planning. Yes, it’s hard to contemplate your own mortality, but you can give no greater gift to your loved ones when they encounter the confusion and fog of grief and the simplest decisions seem impossible.

[Gail 8588]

Sparky

So sorry for this additional loss.  My mother-in-law also died about 2 years after my husband (her first born child).  She lost her husband 12 years earlier, but it was the death of my husband that crushed her.  

It hit me very hard when she died as I felt she was the person who loved and mourned my husband most, next to me.  When she died, it felt like there was more burden on me to keep his memory alive.  Sort of crazy thinking, but grief is not logical. 

I am not really saying this very clearly, as I have never felt it was a burden to miss and love my husband.  But somehow when she was alive, we shared this deep grief. When she died, I felt more alone. 

Hugs to you as you deal with this additional loss. 

Gail

 

[KayC]

7 hours ago, BohoKat said:

Yes, it’s hard to contemplate your own mortality

For me that's not hard, it is the sticking around for years and years that's hard to contemplate!

[Sparky1]

22 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Sparky

So sorry for this additional loss.  My mother-in-law also died about 2 years after my husband (her first born child).  She lost her husband 12 years earlier, but it was the death of my husband that crushed her.  

It hit me very hard when she died as I felt she was the person who loved and mourned my husband most, next to me.  When she died, it felt like there was more burden on me to keep his memory alive.  Sort of crazy thinking, but grief is not logical. 

I am not really saying this very clearly, as I have never felt it was a burden to miss and love my husband.  But somehow when she was alive, we shared this deep grief. When she died, I felt more alone. 

Hugs to you as you deal with this additional loss. 

Gail

 

Thank you Gail. I always wondered who missed my wife more. My mother in law or me. I know for me it's still very tough and there are days that are overwhelming in the realization of my loss. But my MIL was so devastated that she was still screaming in anguish up to recently. Yes, her congestive heart failure was tearing her apart physically, but the emotional loss was too much for her to take. The week coming up is going to be a rough ride for the family.

I remember when I first met my wife my MIL was at her daughter's house to give me the once over. She laid out everything on the line as she was very protective of her daughter. I never let her down as I respected and loved my wife very much, and I did my best to take care of her. I told her one time recently that she was the lucky one because she would get to be with her daughter a lot sooner than I would be. I guess that's what she's wanted the last 2 years.

[KayC]

21 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

she was the lucky one because she would get to be with her daughter a lot sooner than I would be.

Yes.  Very hard to be left here sometimes...