Struggling with losing my dad

[Weepy willow]

I lost my dad 8 weeks ago after his battle with pancreatic cancer for 2 years . I don’t think I’m properly grieving - it’s like my brain has blocked it all out . I have nobody to talk to - my friends don’t text and have never been round and my husband told me today that I ‘mope ‘ around the house . My mum and brother are really struggling so I don’t want to put anything in them.
I feel guilty because I’m feeling sorry for myself that nobody seems to care - it feels like everyone thinks I should be over it - I’ve never felt more alone in the last 2 months .

I am angry and have such a short fuse at the minute . I feel like everything my dad went through in the last 2 years is all hitting me know and is really traumatic . My heart hurts so much that I’m never going to hear his voice or hear him telling me off that I haven’t sorted my car insurance out - It feels like my whole world has stopped and life is just going on around me and I don’t know how to pull myself together 

[reader]

Dear Weepy willow,

I am deeply sorry for your loss. Please know we care. (((hugs))) Devastating losing a parent. Everything you are feeling and thinking is normal and part of your grief. It's hard feeling like you can't talk about your feelings or that you can't lean on friends and family. This happens to a lot of us sadly. My own family didn't show me any compassion and empathy. And like you expected me to be over it. I had to search out other supports. I tried grief counselling and a grief support group. These websites were also very helpful to me.

Grief in Common

Grief Share

What's Your Grief

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Recovery Method

Don't be hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can every day. Please know we are here with you. x 

[Weepy willow]

Thankyou ❤️

[Wandering Soul]

Hello, Weepy Willow.

I'm so sorry that you lost your father 8 weeks ago.  The grieving process is different for all of us, including the various stages of grief that we go through.  

Sometimes finding people who we can talk to regarding the loss of a parent is limited (for a variety of reasons).  Just like Reader, I found myself on this forum, seeking out others who could closely identify with the loss of a parent.  Sometimes, I wonder if our friends just don't know what to say or how to help in moments like this and therefore avoid any potential situation they feel is awkward.  (Similar to how some people don't know what to do when they see someone crying.)  Often those of us who are "feelers" understand that this is an important time for comforting, reassurance, a listening ear... but as we're all wired so differently, this isn't always the common response (although I wish it was!).  Finding people who can similarly identify with your situation may be quite helpful.  I'm glad that you found this forum.  Hopefully you find it helpful on your journey to healing.  

I know that you state your Mum and brother are really struggling and that you don't want to "burden" them with your feelings.  I understand that you feel it is best to keep your thoughts to yourself.  However, maybe your Mum and brother are feeling the very same way you are too: alone, no one to speak with, no one who understands, don't want to be a burden, etc.  As they have experienced the loss of your father as well, they may very well be the people to talk to so you all can find comfort and healing together.  (Sometimes, in moments of despair, our thoughts and reasoning abilities aren't what they would be if we weren't under great duress.)  This is just a thought.  You know the situation best!

I can understand your anger.... you're still in the grieving process!  It's one of the steps of grieving according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (a well-known Psychiatrist).  The five stages of grief she has identified are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  If you want to know more and how we express these stages, you can click on the link below for more information.

https://www.washington.edu/counseling/2020/06/08/the-stages-of-grief-accepting-the-unacceptable/

It will take time to pull yourself together, but I believe you can do it - one day at a time.

 

Best wishes to you as you navigate this journey.   

Wandering Soul

 

 

[Weepy willow]

Thankyou So Much !! Your right about my mum and brother maybe I just need to reach out to them and tell them I’m struggling ! This forum has helped so much ! I felt like nobody understands but reading other people’s stories I’ve realised I’m not alone ! Thank you for your lovely message ❤️

[Wandering Soul]

Weepy Willow, 

You are welcome!  I am happy to help.  You're right, you're not alone!   Sometimes your journey to healing is with the random help of a stranger, sometimes it's with family and friends.  I'm so glad that this forum has helped you - it helped me too!  Keep going, keep trying.  Come back to the forum if you need support.  

I know this is a tough time, I've experienced it myself.  Be kind to yourself.  <3

Wandering Soul

[Weepy willow]

Thanks so much - and I’m sorry for your loss too ❤️