Members pet chipmunk Posted October 3, 2022 Members Report Share Posted October 3, 2022 I've been a single parent before... I can do this, but this is so hard. I envy those that have passed. I have to pretend I'm okay for my son. Then there's times like now when I can't seem to stop crying. My husband would want me to push forward and amazingly enough, I have been. But I feel so broken.... None of this feels real and I don't see how I'm gonna be okay. I have to be, just unsure how... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sally72 Posted October 4, 2022 Members Report Share Posted October 4, 2022 @eternityhope If I may ask, how long has it been since he passed? I remember feeling like that for some time after losing my husband. For me it was very sudden and that adds to the feelings of unreality I think. So many times I would find myself expecting him to call or to come home on the weekend (he drove truck) and then it would hit me all over again. Broken is normal and being unsure is too. Allow yourself to process those feelings and it will help. It’s individual as to how you process… for me I would sit and allow myself to feel all of the feelings and to actually embrace them, sort through them and then give myself grace and permission that whatever I felt or thought was ok for the moment. Usually before I was through I was crying and at times I talked or prayed out loud. Whatever seems to work for you personally, it’s ok, do it. And know that everyone here cares and understands! 🤍 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 4, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted October 4, 2022 7 hours ago, Sally72 said: @eternityhope If I may ask, how long has it been since he passed? It says 8/18/22. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pet chipmunk Posted October 4, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted October 4, 2022 7 hours ago, Sally72 said: @eternityhope If I may ask, how long has it been since he passed? I remember feeling like that for some time after losing my husband. For me it was very sudden and that adds to the feelings of unreality I think. So many times I would find myself expecting him to call or to come home on the weekend (he drove truck) and then it would hit me all over again. Broken is normal and being unsure is too. Allow yourself to process those feelings and it will help. It’s individual as to how you process… for me I would sit and allow myself to feel all of the feelings and to actually embrace them, sort through them and then give myself grace and permission that whatever I felt or thought was ok for the moment. Usually before I was through I was crying and at times I talked or prayed out loud. Whatever seems to work for you personally, it’s ok, do it. And know that everyone here cares and understands! 🤍 He had a heart attack and passed on August 18, 2022... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sally72 Posted October 4, 2022 Members Report Share Posted October 4, 2022 I’m so sorry eternityhope! (((hugs))) I remember so vividly the “unreal” of the first months! And how alone (even in the midst of people who cared). My loss was sudden also and for awhile it just wasn’t real that he was gone. My head knew it but my heart didn’t believe it. I would catch myself thinking “when I talk to him this evening…..” then it would crash over my heart all over again! 💔 My daughters were 17 & 19 but I still to some extent tried to pretend I was more ok than I was. I think as parents we always want to protect them! I understand too the envying those who have passed… I too have felt, and still do sometimes feel that way. Life can be hard and even harder when we lose the one who was our other half! At times I envy him for getting to go and pity myself 😕 then I think of my girls and know that I need and want to be here, and I’m sure you do for your son as well! Much love and hugs to you… one day at a time and keep sharing here, everyone here understands, cares and supports you. 🤍 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pet chipmunk Posted October 5, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted October 5, 2022 6 hours ago, Sally72 said: I’m so sorry eternityhope! (((hugs))) I remember so vividly the “unreal” of the first months! And how alone (even in the midst of people who cared). My loss was sudden also and for awhile it just wasn’t real that he was gone. My head knew it but my heart didn’t believe it. I would catch myself thinking “when I talk to him this evening…..” then it would crash over my heart all over again! 💔 My daughters were 17 & 19 but I still to some extent tried to pretend I was more ok than I was. I think as parents we always want to protect them! I understand too the envying those who have passed… I too have felt, and still do sometimes feel that way. Life can be hard and even harder when we lose the one who was our other half! At times I envy him for getting to go and pity myself 😕 then I think of my girls and know that I need and want to be here, and I’m sure you do for your son as well! Much love and hugs to you… one day at a time and keep sharing here, everyone here understands, cares and supports you. 🤍 You have pretty much summed up what I've been feeling. I think my heart is arguing with my mind. I keep hoping to wake up and he's next to me. I keep looking for him. We were each other's better half. We complimented each other. He was number one supporter, my best friend, my everything. Now I don't know who I am. I have to relearn that. It's like everything changed that day. I was scrolling through his phone this morning and came across a contact that looked like jibberish... So I looked at it. Made out the words My and Heart. So he was trying to tell me. What's that do for me now? It gives me a little more comfort. He knew what was wrong and tried to let me know. Every bit of this hurts. I've been doing pretty good taking care of everything. That's including my husband and Nick. You probably wouldn't think I was struggling the way the I truly am. I have fought my entire life... Now it's just Nick and I. When I said take care of my husband, I was talking about the after arrangements. I'm still struggling with believing he's not coming back. I miss him like crazy. This site is where I'm getting the most support. Thank you for having this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sally72 Posted October 5, 2022 Members Report Share Posted October 5, 2022 @eternityhope (((hugs))) sometimes there are no words! …and we wish so badly there were!!!… words to change things, words to take away the pain, words to heal, words to make our world right again! Know that we all understand anything you want to share/vent/say…every feeling every emotion, we have been there… No judgment, just understanding and acceptance, and that sometime (the timing is different for everyone) it will/does get better ❤️🩹 Our hearts have the scars and we don’t ever forget, but the pain is dull and not stabbing now, sometimes bittersweet. The memories are twice as special and the pain is half (or less than) as much! And we carry on… as long as we are alive they are never forgotten! 🤍 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 5, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted October 5, 2022 12 hours ago, eternityhope said: I'm still struggling with believing he's not coming back. I remember trying to pretend he was on a trip and would be back. Funny how our mind plays tricks on us sometimes as we try to absorb and process these changes... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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