I never got to know my father.

[FearlessFlyer89]

Hi

My father died from health reasons before I turned 4 and I’ve never realised how much of an effect it would have on me until now in the my thirties. My mother never discussed him all through my life, only when she’d share a small anecdote or when I had the odd question, but she’d never really get into a discussion about him. They had divorced shortly after I was born and the little bit she told me about him didn’t paint a great picture. I don’t know anyone from my father’s side of the family and don’t have anyone who knew him to tell me his story except my mother. I feel at such a loss wanting to learn about him with very little ways to find anything out. Now at 33 years old, I’m finally finding myself grieving his loss with no one to turn to. I wonder if anyone else is in a similar situation, with the loss of a parent they will never got to know and how do you cope with it?

[reader]

Dear FearlessFlyer88,

Sorry to hear how you are feeling. It's very hard. I know you don't want to burden your mom, but maybe if she knew how deeply you're feeling she could help you connect to someone who knew your dad. I was also going to suggest taking a DNA test through 23 and Me or Ancestry. I did this to learn more about where my parents were from and hoping to connect to other  relatives.

During my grief many people have suggested that I write a letter to my dad, or pretend he is sitting across from me and telling him everything I feel. Or putting a letter into a balloon and releasing it into the sky.

It might be helpful to talk to grief counsellor.

I hope others will come forward to share their experiences.