Holidays

[Lost7]

As I am fairly new to this forum, I was wondering if some of you that have already been through one or two holidays ie Thanksgiving, Christmas have any tips for getting through these difficult days. For me it will start in October because that is when my husband's birthday is and it will end January 5th his death anniversary. Please if anyone has any suggestions that have helped them get through the holidays I would be grateful

Virtual hug Lost7 

[Brazil Man]

Dear Lost7

For me it's the 4th year grieving, so I can tell you about my experience. We have some special dates to endure during the year as our beloved's birthday, wedding anniversary and others. For me the first special date I had to endure alone was Christmas. She liked Christmas very much and used to buy trees and others objects for these special date. There's no secret tip to endure these dates except that you are aware that they will pass, they last no more than 24 hours and then it's over. But the pain is deeper only in the first year. The following years are just repetition of the first and you will be more used to the situation each year. This is my experience with special dates.

Hugs
Moises

 

[Sim7079]

The holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, even the weekends are the most difficult times. The times when we spent so much time with our loved ones and have so many good memories. It’s hard to give tips as it is different for everyone and sometimes you never know what you will be like on the day. A few weeks ago I shared my husband’s heavenly birthday with his mom, said prayers, lit a candle and had a nice dinner and drinks - that helped. Our anniversary which was on Thursday has been particularly hard & currently not coping very well. So no good tips to share there.

For my first death anniversary, which happened in June, I was a wreck for months leading up to it. I then decided to go away to the countryside for the whole month, being with nature, going on long walks and time away from home actually helped. On the actual day I went to a local church, prayed with the pastor and read through beautiful memorial messages sent by family and friends, I had set up an online memorial board the month before for family and friends to contribute and shared on the day.

Last Christmas, which was the first Christmas without my husband was so hard (I’m dreading this Christmas). My husband loved Christmas & we had so many good times together. I decided to keep busy and volunteered and helped the homeless on Christmas Day via Crisis at Christmas. It was good to do something helpful and kept my mind busy. 
 

So my general advice on how to get through is to do what feels right for you. And you will know when the day comes or coming up to it. It might be to be alone, keeping busy, volunteering, being with family and sharing the day, looking over pictures, tributes or playing music you shared.

All the best x

 

[April Ballou]

Lee is taking care of the kids 

I'm not feeling well

[Lost7]

April 

I am so sorry that you don't feel well I will pray for you Please keep me updated.

Virtual hug Lost7 

Moises and Sim7079 

A greatly appreciate your response thank you so much I pray you both are doing well as you can be.

Virtual hug

Lost7 

[April Ballou]

Thank you @Lost7

[KayC]

16 hours ago, Lost7 said:

have any tips for getting through these difficult days

Listen to your heart...I forced myself to do Christmas that first year for my kids (then young adults) who wanted to do it...going out and cutting a tree down (son) and decorating it (daughter)..  I finally bought a fake one, easier as I age.  I've done it every year since...remembering...the ornaments he had...I made his Christmas Stocking, bought him his ornaments, the first in his life ever.  I am not sure I have it in me this year..  Will see.

I made it through July 4th, Labor Day, my birthday, our anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day, but when I got to Easter I major rebelled!  I told my kids I'm not going to church (I always did) and not having a special dinner!  So the day went by unnoticed...sort of, I think it was palpable but unmentioned.  The next Sunday I fixed a big special dinner...we made no mention of Easter, just had the dinner together.  The next was his bdy and five days later his death day (Father's Day) and I was alone for those.  I've been alone ever since.

So if you feel like commemorating the days or not, listen to your heart, don't force yourself to do what you are not up to.

14 hours ago, April Ballou said:

Lee is taking care of the kids 

I'm not feeling well

I am so sorry!!  Hope and pray you get well soon!

[Lost7]

KayC thank you so much for taking the time and letting me know how you got through the holidays. As I mentioned his birthday is at the end of October and then you know the holidays will follow and then followed by his death anniversary January 5th my birthday is January 1st so I'm not looking forward to the rest of the year at all I will be keeping you in my prayers You have been so faithful to everyone who has come to this forum and I'm grateful for you. 

Hugs Lost7 

[Sim7079]

April, hope you feel better soon x

Take care

[KayC]

23 hours ago, Lost7 said:

his birthday is at the end of October and then you know the holidays will follow and then followed by his death anniversary January 5th my birthday is January 1st

Wow, that is a lot at once!  Praying you get through this...

[BohoKat]

On 9/17/2022 at 2:57 PM, Lost7 said:

any tips for getting through these difficult days

What I did last year after losing husband to cancer in the spring:

Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday and we cooked together. It was usually big and at our house. I could not face that so let my mom host the celebration instead. It kept me occupied talking and I could excuse myself for a cry when I couldn’t handle it anymore. Will probably do the same this year, just too raw.

Christmas was easier putting up the tree was usually just me and it’s my favorite part. The simple beauty kept my spirits up even when I was crying through the memories. So alter the traditions if you can but celebrating helped me.

Good luck <hugs>

[Lost7]

Bohokat 

Thank you so much for sharing. I will be praying for you this holiday season. 

Sincerely grateful Lost7 

[Jemiga70]

@Lost7  I made no commitments to myself or to anyone.  I was noncommittal to everyone. Nobody pressured me.  I kept my options open until the day of.  So for instance, last Christmas Day a couple friends invited me over to watch movies and open gifts.  I felt like going, I felt like being around others (it was only the 3 of us so I could handle that) and so I went.  It was a good decision.  For my wife's birthday I felt better spending the time alone, just me and her in spirit, at home.  Someone here said it earlier, just do what youre comfortable with. For me I didnt know what I was comfortable with until the day of.  You have to make YOU the priority.  Still learning that.

[Lost7]

Jemiga70 thank you so much. 

Grateful Lost7