Lost my wife/best friend of ten years at 27.

[Marasco]

Hello my name is Shawn and I lost my wife and my best friend of 10 years. It was September 4th 2021, 8 days before her 25th birthday she passed in my arms at the hospital due to covid 19 complications.  I ended up in a really bad spot after her death.  I still am to be honest and I don't really know what to do after a year. I've tried to fight every single day to keep going. I've missed more work than I ever had in my life, I've run into issues trying to get out and do things and the overall  I don't find enjoyment in this world anymore. We were high school sweethearts and we went to all of our dances, proms, home comings,  all of our fun field trips, and many dates, the day I proposed to her, it took us a while to get married because in 2017 she got diagnosed with lupus and it was a pretty rough battle from the start.  She was in the night at the hospital a lot and had multiple issues come up because of lupus. It was the lupus that attacked her soft tissues in her body. It attacked her brain, Causing a temporal lobe lesion, It attacked her paracartial sack around her heart,  All the medicine made her sick and it caused her to not necessarily enjoy life the lupus was also causing many aches and pains in her joints her muscles.  We thought we would be OK after they released lockdown but we still took precautions wearing mash constant hand sanitizing and trying to maintain social distance seeing this best we could. We did finally get married though on June 12th 2021 we got married and was really nice wedding. We had a nice honeymoon and ripe for everything went down once we got back from our honeymoon, we ended up going on a family giving vacation with her parents and her brother and we took our puppies took our puppies down the North Carolina. We had really nice jobs everything seemed to be going all perfect then it started with she developed a cough off and it kind of progressed from there. She ended up having to go into the hospital and be integrated to a ventilator.  While she was in the ventilator she ended up having a stroke because of a blood clot that formed causing the right side of her body to be paralyzed and she also needed to have her skull cut open to alleviate the the swelling and to stop the brain bleeding.  Once they got that part at least completed and she was stable they found another blood clot in her left leg that was in her main artery that  needed to be removed as soon as possible because if it moved it would go to her heart and kill her.  So they took her to be put in the surgery to remove the blood clot and while she was in surgery her oxygen levels plummeted below 20.  They managed to get her oxygen levels to come backup to 6060 but it wouldn't go any higher and that was when they told me in our family that she was not going to survive so they said we had 2 options, let her stay on the vent and slowly die or pull the vent and let her go.I'm 27 years old and I had to make one of the hardest decisions in my life because due to me being the husband I had power of attorney and I would not wish it upon anybody to have to make a decision like that. This all happened within the course of about 4 days it was very fast and very fast and very unexpected.  We never thought this would ever happen and that's generally what happens you never think anything's gonna happen but then life likes to suck and be a piece of c***... What I'm getting at is I don't know what to do anymore and I would just like to know what do I do now I don't know what to do everything that I worked for was for her and I've spent my entire adult life with her.  I am thankful that my work has been nice to me and has let me have my days off when I can't do it I just don't know what to do anymore it's hard to go to work because because me and her both worked at the same job the same job she was the receptionist and I was a builder in the back and it's hard to go there see the empty office.  I feel like the higher UPS don't want to talk to me anymore because one of the owners of my company was her father sir and it just feels like none of them want me or I'll do anymore and I'm just looked at it's like oh there's the widower. I feel like there's nothing really left anymore and I and I just want people to maybe give me some advice. I'm sorry for the wording. I'm typing this up on my phone in my bed just kind of laying here being no sad and depressed and depressed and I've decided to try to reach out till like a group to Maybe give me some advice and help me get through this because it's been a year dear and I feel like I know there's a not a time limit but how do deal with this.  I'm tired of being sad I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of just overall being dialed and not wanting anything in this world and making stupid decisions like go to spend money because there's nothing else left to use it for and I just I don't know what to do. I've never had anybody to really connect with on something like this. I'm a young adult and I don't really know what life has for widowers like me like me and I don't like life anyways. This whole situation has made me a very angry and bitter and depressed person and I just want to push through this because I know she would want me to and and it's so hard.

[reader]

Dear Shawn,

I am very sorry for your loss.

Please consider posting to our Loss of Partner thread for more support:

https://forums.grieving.com/forum/15-loss-of-a-partner/