Members Robert D. Posted August 30, 2022 Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2022 I don't believe thart people who have never lost a beloved spouse could even begin to understand this lonliness. Half of me died... and the living half is just existing now...no wonder the widow/er effect in the first 3 months....understand that completely. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted August 30, 2022 Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2022 9 minutes ago, Robert D. said: I don't believe thart people who have never lost a beloved spouse could even begin to understand this lonliness. Half of me died... and the living half is just existing now...no wonder the widow/er effect in the first 3 months....understand that completely. This is exactly how I feel. It's almost 2 years for me that I lost my wife, and the hole in my heart has not healed and I don't think it ever will. We were one, and now since she's gone, I'm only half of what I was. The emptiness in my being has given me no motivation or desire for much of anything. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dawn Wms Posted August 30, 2022 Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2022 I don't know where I heard it, but someone said, when your loved one dies, a part of you dies with them and a part of them lives on with you. I guess we have to focus on the part of our spouses that lives on with us, although it is still the hardest thing ever. I also still feel very much the part of me that has died with my husband. I am incomplete with him and the loneliness is indescribable. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Robert D. Posted August 30, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2022 Dawn... "the lonliness is indescribable" ...it is for me too....unbearable....I like the quote about.....we both died we both live....and that is a really hard place to be....alive and dead......I just started this life and it is horrible....I said hi to my beloved wife here in my home a few minutes ago...told her that i loved her...kissed her robe that is hanging up on bathroom door......about to study the Scriptures.....trying to come up with 1 thing to do daily....tonight was walk on treadmill....did that.....and just sitting here wishing Jo was here.......This is and will always be the hardest thing for me in my life....and no one...no one but those who have lost their beloved spouse understands...or could understand this. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Robert D. Posted August 30, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted August 30, 2022 Sparky ....I can see myself in 2 years exactly where you are....I really can....JoAnn and I were 1 also....I loved that lady with all I had...always showing her...doing for her...always telling her....loved to just see her.....now nothing......It is....as I can already see....just trying to exist from now on....just trying to make it through an hour...a day.... 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 31, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted August 31, 2022 11 hours ago, Robert D. said: kissed her robe that is hanging up on bathroom door. I still have my husband's robe hanging on my closet door, it's been 17 years, I don't see that ever changing, sometimes I take it down and wrap it around me... 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted September 1, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 1, 2022 I have moved twice, but I still have the clothes my husband wore the day he had his stroke hanging on my closet door. I touch them almost every day. It does bring me some comfort to have them near me, as if he could walk in, put them on and say let's go out for lunch. Though I do miss him all the time, I have regained a meaningful and mostly happy life. I remember very clearly during all of the first 3 years of my grief that it was impossible for me to ever feel happy again. I didn't believe that I would ever feel anything again. I felt numb, dead, completely disconnected from life, or I was sobbing in dispair for the loss of my life with him. Both of those states of being are miserable. I was losing my mind. I couldn't go on living like that. I don't really know how I got out of that prison in my mind, but in my 4th year I did slowly reconnect with life. I don't know how to help you find life again, but I just want you to know that I was where you are now and that things have gotten much better for me. It's hard to explain because I still feel many of the same things. I am incomplete without John. I will never be whole without him. But I have found a way for this broken, incomplete person to function, like a person who has lost their arms might learn to paint holding the brush with their feet. My brokenness is not so obvious, but it feels sort of the same. I believe I will always feel married to my sweet John. I wish he was here to see his grandchildren. Some days I still cry with missing him. But I am really living again finally. I want to live another 20 years, but probably won't as that sort of longevity doesn't run in my family. But I am grateful for each day I wake up, happy to experience another day. I do feel he is right here with me, seeing the world through my eyes. Hugs to all of you. Gail 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Lost7 Posted September 1, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 1, 2022 Thank you so much for those encouraging words Gail. I am only 8 months in this hell. But to hear that you can live beyond your love is encouraging. Thank you so much for sharing. Lost7 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post April Ballou Posted September 1, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 1, 2022 @Gail 8588 I am slowly finding out that I can be happy. I still miss Darrell and like you I still feel like I'm married. I still wear my wedding ring. I have days crying some. But I feel like I can live . 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 2, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted September 2, 2022 18 hours ago, April Ballou said: @Gail 8588 I am slowly finding out that I can be happy. I still miss Darrell and like you I still feel like I'm married. I still wear my wedding ring. I have days crying some. But I feel like I can live . This is good to hear. I know it's not "the same" yet finding moments of good in your day and acknowledging them helps. Wishing you only comfort and peace... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparky1 Posted September 2, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 2, 2022 My grief is not as raw as in the beginning but there are days that it feels pretty rough. Certain memories of places we've been, thinking of her beautiful face, of her angelic voice, they all trigger me. They are good memories but knowing that I can't have them again in this life without her is very heartbreaking. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Robert D. Posted September 2, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted September 2, 2022 I'm under 1 month right now.. going into a three-day weekend with no answers and nothing but heartbreak, deep sorrow and unbearable loneliness 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost7 Posted September 2, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 2, 2022 Hey Robert You are thought of in my prayers . I am sorry I have no answers...this will be my first labor day with my husband. I can tell you I understand your loneliness and heartache. Please accept my virtual hug Lost7 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted September 2, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 2, 2022 On 8/31/2022 at 3:58 AM, KayC said: I still have my husband's robe hanging on my closet door, it's been 17 years, I don't see that ever changing, sometimes I take it down and wrap it around me... I still have two of John's now ancient and getting raggy flannel shirts. I opened and shortened the sleeves so I could wear them around the house. Raleigh loves when I use one as a lap blanket for us on colder days. I like to think of it as John giving us both a hug. John's backpack and favorite (read: very old) baseball hat from our local summer collegiate league hang by the back door. Used to be the front door, but I needed the hooks. My compromise was the back door and there they will stay. I have slowly, so slowly, been able to let go of some of his things. Many have been given as gifts/mementos to family and friends. They are treasured by the people who have them. Most especially I think are the practical ones like his two favorite cordless drills to two neighbor friends who are woodworkers/handy around the house. I kept my favorite of his because it's smaller and fits me well. The others were just gathering dust in a drawer. Both our friends were so happy and honored to have them. Just this year, I went through his snorkel gear and asked my dear friend and baking partner, who snorkels and even still surfs casually in his 60s, if they might fit him. Everything was perfect for him. We had invested in really good gear because when we traveled, it was almost always to places where we could snorkel. And John was meticulous in caring for his things. My friend had decent, but aging gear, and was so pleased when I asked him. He asked if I was 100% sure I wanted him to have it, that I was ready, and I told him I was. So for me, sometimes it's in the keeping and other times it's in the gifting that make me feel closest to John and his memory. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Robert D. Posted September 2, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted September 2, 2022 Thank you Lost 7! Hugs for you! Appreciate that!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 3, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted September 3, 2022 17 hours ago, foreverhis said: sometimes it's in the keeping and other times it's in the gifting that make me feel closest to John and his memory. Yes. I love this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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