The outside world

[DWS]

I wonder if many others here start feeling waves of emotional pain when they're away from their homes. Mine often happen when I'm driving on the city streets. I've just returned from a trip to a couple of grocery stores. Those same waves came over me again and now I'm trying to identify what it is particularly that causes such sorrow. 

I'm kinda thinking it's a few things but most likely, it's the familiar streets and scenery. I think it also has to do with the amount of traffic along with those non-caring, aggressive drivers out there. And then too, it likely has to do with seeing a world that seems unchanged and not dealing with so much grief. Today, I saw people leisurely sitting on patios and enjoying life. I was there once upon a time and now it feels like it's a place I can't ever imagine being in again. 

It's no wonder why staying isolated right now feels more comfortable. 

[Dawn Wms]

This seems to be fairly common among those of us who have lost partners.  For me, it is because driving around town was something we used to do together, running errands and grocery shopping.  But it is also because it is such a routine thing to do but nothing about our experience is routine.  As you said, life seems to go on as usual for everyone else.  How can everything around us be so "normal" while our world has been turned upside down and inside out?  I, too, look at people enjoying life and, truthfully, I feel jealous and resentful.  It may not be right or kind of me, but I also wonder if I'll ever again be able to enjoy life.  It has been over two years for me but the sadness is still heavy on me and dampens absolutely every experience I have.  I suppose we have to have hope that we will again enjoy life, but, until that happens, it is very hard and I think your feelings are normal.  At least, I relate to them. 

[Sparky1]

3 hours ago, DWS said:

I wonder if many others here start feeling waves of emotional pain when they're away from their homes. Mine often happen when I'm driving on the city streets. I've just returned from a trip to a couple of grocery stores. Those same waves came over me again and now I'm trying to identify what it is particularly that causes such sorrow. 

I'm kinda thinking it's a few things but most likely, it's the familiar streets and scenery. I think it also has to do with the amount of traffic along with those non-caring, aggressive drivers out there. And then too, it likely has to do with seeing a world that seems unchanged and not dealing with so much grief. Today, I saw people leisurely sitting on patios and enjoying life. I was there once upon a time and now it feels like it's a place I can't ever imagine being in again. 

It's no wonder why staying isolated right now feels more comfortable. 

Yes, I get those feelings all the time when I'm not home. I go someplace and am always in a rush to get out of there. I keep thinking how when my wife and I were out, time seemed to stand still. I was happy because I knew she was with me, we were together and nothing else mattered. I remember going into clothing stores and I would panic because I couldn't see her. Then her head would pop up above the racks and I would get a sigh of relief. I don't even go to many stores anymore other than groceries, most non food items I order on Amazon. Being alone is definitely brutal....

[DWS]

3 hours ago, Dawn Wms said:

I, too, look at people enjoying life and, truthfully, I feel jealous and resentful.  It may not be right or kind of me, but I also wonder if I'll ever again be able to enjoy life. 

I'm glad I'm not the only one with these feelings of envy. I want to go back to the time when I was with them instead of being in this alien mindset.

There are changes going on around me on my neighbourhood block...positive changes. Younger professional types are moving into the units of the duplexed, small old houses because of their affordability. When I bought my old bungalow 28 years ago, this was a fairly rundown, undesirable part of the city but now presently, I'm seeing bright, younger singles and couples full of ambition and they're making it a much more pleasant area to live. But now I've definitely become the old guy on the block and likely looking pretty miserable and sullen to them. Heartbroken with a story to tell. How did I end up here?

[Lost7]

It's crazy the similarities I read. I too experience envy when I see happy couples laughing enjoying each other....that was us now when I see someone alone I wonder if they are in pain? Are they alone by choice? My whole perspective has changed. I used to be that person you would see with a big smile on my face.. now it is hard to fake a smile. I can't imagine ever being happy again.

Lost7