My Friend Murdered My Unborn Child

[Letting_Go]

I just wanted a place to tell my story, because I have done enough therapy to remember all the trauma, work though the events, and I have been trying my best to move on with my life. Getting this out here will hopefully give me closure and not feel like the skeleton in my closet, because none of this is my fault; I should not feel any guilt or shame for what happened to me. 

When I was pregnant with my first child (it abut two months along) when my roommate who I did not have a relationship with drugged me, sexually assaulted me, psychically assaulted, and tried to impregnate me with his child. He tried and the reason the pregnancy didn't take is, because I was already with child the father was my boyfriend (at the time). The combination of the drug and both assaults caused my baby to start the process of miscarrying that night. I was extremely weak the next morning and in shock I had no clue what had happened or what was currently happening to me. The only thing that was available to numb the pain was a bottle of whisky. I drank and drank. It wasn't until after healing, I now understand that I was not responsible for killing my baby; when I was drinking it was after the baby was already in process of leaving my body. I passed the child alone in my bathroom. It took hours and I thought I was going to die, because once the baby passed my body went into a cold shock and began to shut down. To this day, I don't know how I was able to go through all of this on my own without doctors; but it did. There is no justice that the courts can bring me and there is no amount of money that could ever replace that unborn child. I have made a good life for myself and I swore that he could never take from me ever again, but I was wrong. I never ever want to go through another pregnancy again, but there are so many wonderful children out there that do not have parents/family's and someday I hope to adopt one or more.   

If you have gone through something similar - I hope that my story lets you know you are not alone and I wish you all the strength and compassion on your healing journey.   

I will never be back to read any replies, but please feel free to share your story and/or never look back. I have found if I am constantly looking back I can never persist in moving forward.

[reader]

(((hugs))) Thank you Letting Go.