Struggling

[Davidclark]

So I lost my dad yesterday he killed himself he’s had epilepsy for some time and can take bad seizures and gets confused I’m 24 years old and been living with my dad for the last 7 years just me and him I feel to blame that I didn’t do enough somehow and so shocked like it’s no even real just looking for advice on ways to cope i have many people around me but I feel like I can’t speak to anyone it physically makes me choke up in tears I don’t really know what more to say thanks for listening. David 

[reader]

Dear David,

I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))  Please don't blame yourself. It's a terrible shock to lose a parent so suddenly. Please know you are not alone. We are here for you. Feel free to express any thoughts and feelings you have. I know for myself I tried everything from grief counselling, grief support groups, writing, reading, art classes to try and cope. It took almost 2 years for the pain to lessen but even now 6 years later the questions are still there.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Davidclark]

Thank you I’ve never been one to speak about my feelings I find it hard to communicate with people so this is hard for me but I guess it’s hard for everyone on. I also would like to ask does it get any easier when u try to sleep at night because last night every time I shut my eyes I could just see him and I couldn’t sleep because I just run things through in my head over and over thanks for listening appreciate any advice 

[Kevin8988]

3 hours ago, Davidclark said:

every time I shut my eyes I could just see him and I couldn’t sleep because I just run things through in my head over and over thanks for listening appreciate any advice 

I am sorry to hear about your dad and your grief.  I had the same experience when my mom passed 2 months ago.  Every image of her, every word she said, everything happened to her before she passed.  My mind just could not stop going through all of it again and again.  Now I can sleep (sometimes with the help of sleeping pills), but I dream about her almost every night.  And my dad, who passed 3 years ago, comes to my dream with her too.

[reader]

Please know you are safe here. And only write what you want to or feel comfortable saying. 

About sleep it can be very difficult the first year. I know many people that suffered from this too. It's like Kevin said and I had this too. I felt so guilty about my dad's passing and it was so hard for me to stop ruminating about all the things I could have done to save him. 

I know it's not easy right now, but try to take care of yourself the best you can. 

[Davidclark]

Thank you for all The kind words it really dose help a little sorry for the late reply I just didn’t really sleep much last night just feel really I’m shook or something still like the world is still turning all around me but I’m just stood still.          I feel so empty inside I know my dad was confused when he done it so it not really the why it’s burning me up because I know he wasn’t in the right frame of mind I just wish I could have done more for him we both really love the football it’s going to be so weird watching without him but I know he will be cheering for the team up there somewhere.