Where to find the strength to move on

[Karin0617]

Where to find the strength to move on

 

I lost the two most important people in my life within 1 year. My grandma and my father.

 

My granny passed away last summer, I haven’t seen her for 4 years. She was the person I shared with the most in my family. She was the one keeping my family together. She was the strongest person I know.

I hate myself for not picking up the phone because I was busy. Not calling her enough, not telling her how much I love her and how much she means to me.

I was and still am so heartbroken and it has been a year, but I could not find the strength in me to be happy, enjoying every moment Karina as I used to be.

 

In November 2021, my dad was diagnosed with cancer in, the last stage. I could not believe that this is happening. My mom took care of my dad, he was so strong and optimistic. Doctors gave him up to 5 years and we decided to use all of it to make as many memories as we can. I cried all the time. I could not believe that we need to time my time with my dad.

 

On February 25, I was supposed to fly back to Ukraine to see my family.

On February 24, was started in my country.

 

I started to have panic attacks, I could not handle them well. My dad needed medicine that was not available in Ukraine anymore. He could not travel far and be waiting for the right moment to go to Germany and start treatment there. He planned it all, after his birthday. When he would 1st visited me and my brother, together we go to Germany and after he receives all the treatment we go on vacation to Egypt.

 

I will never forget the message from my mom if she can call me. She did and my heart just dropped. My dad passed away unexpectedly.

 

With everything happening simultaneously, I am struggling to find strength and move on.

My friends, calling it a “run of bad luck”, saying “ everything happens for a reason”, asking to be happy, as that is what my dad wanted me to do”, but easily said, right?

 

I am struggling to see my friends around me just moving on with their life, after saying to me so-called “comforting” phrases.

 

I am just curious how people find strength in themselves to move on and enjoy life again?

[Charles30cents]

I lost my Mom 7 months ago. I don't know if you are married or not but a spouse can be a source of support. I'm trying to figure it all out myself. Hopefully you have a good friend that you can lean on. You won't be able to lean on someone forever as they tell me as eventually you will have to learn how to deal with the loss on your own. I hope some of the pain starts to lessen for you.

[Kevin8988]

I agree.  Supports can be: family members/relatives, friends, church/religions, professional counselors, online groups.

For me, my life changes every time after each of my family members passed away, and I don't think I can just move on or return to the way it used  to be.  My life is different now.

[reader]

Dear Karin,

I am very sorry for your losses. Grief makes us feel raw and levels us. I think for myself it was all baby steps. Moment by moment. Like you, I felt disappointed about the lack of support from family and friends. This forum in particular helped me a lot. I've met so many kind and wonderful people that supported me each day and even now. I also tried grief counselling, grief support groups, art classes and reading. My counsellor told me on average it takes 18 months for the pain to lessen. My one friend said it took her 5 years to be happy again after her mom passed. It's been almost 6 years for me and there are still days I struggle. We are all different. Please know there is no right way or wrong to grieve. Most important to be kind and patient with yourself and to seek support when you need it. Thinking of you.