Healing from death of mom

[Shannonshash]

7/10/22 I tried my best to save her. I did cpr with my dad and ems worked so hard but in the end she didn’t make it.she was brain dead. We got to say good bye and I thought that would be the hardest part. The hardest part was coming home and realizing she was not going to be there. Our who lives are changed. She was my everyday, I lived with my parents because I wanted to take care of them. I don’t have kids or a husband, my whole life is dedicated to taking care of my parents. And now she’s gone and it’s just me and my dad. He seems to be doing well but I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety all my life and now she’s gone. I use to lay with her and rub her arm as she rubes my face and hair. I prayed so hard for a miracle… I just keep thinking of what I could have done, if I acted quicker, faster she could have made it.I just don’t know what to do now?

[reader]

Dear Shannonshash:

I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know we are here with you.

[Summersun]

Dear Shannon, welcome to our little online community. I am truly sorry for your loss. It is so very recent, you have every right to feel devastated. My mom died almost 5 months ago, and I cannot get myself to go into her house. So just know this feeling is normal, and it might last for a while, until you and your dad find a way to shift and adapt your life to your new reality. There is absolutely not timeline for this, everybody griefs differently. Since you lived with her, of course the impact of the loss on your life is something you feel immediately and every day.

The questioning what you could have done is also something most people struggle with right after losing a close family member. A lot of folks here feel guilt, and please know - the usual answer is: You probably could have done nothing. My mom died in the ICU, with doctors performing CPR right there, immediately, it did not change a thing. Our lives are not endless, and elderly people are always at a much greater risk than most of us realize while they are alive. It does not take much for them to go. 

Please come back here and talk to us, especially in those early days of grief when one feels the world should stop turning. Be prepared that other people in your life might not "get" the impact a death makes on one. They might be there for you early on, then slowly disappearing, or just a bit from the beginning, or pretending to, but not saying the right things you need to hear.

Thats where this community steps in. We understand. We are here in the night, on weekends, when you are awake and cannot sleep. You can cry or vent here, without fearing you might lose support from a "real" person in your life. Please allow some time for people to respond here as it is summer and travel time.

All the best for you and your dad!

And again: welcome!

Summersun

[Jws818]

Hello, your story is mine. My mother suddenly passed just this weekend and this is the biggest struggle of my life. I worked so hard giving her cpr and bring her back several times and then the ems . Taking care of her and making sure she was okay was the life I have lived these past two years. I keep replaying the moment in my head constantly and it just eats me up. She had a plethora of health issues and I knew that she was starting to go down some, but I just never thought or prepared myself for the suddenness.  She had a good day pain wise that day and then boom. I try to stay strong for my father. He has health conditions as well. I sneak away and breakdown to myself throughout the day. I keep blaming myself that I could have done things differently, that I’m the reason she’s gone. This void is just so huge. 

[Roberta Piera]

Hi my name is Roberta and i live in Windhoek Namibia. My deepest condolences for your loss - I lost my mom on 5/8/22 - very recently and it feels like i am in a daze. My mom and I basically lived together - i also took care of her all my life and i must be honest I don't know what I would have done if I did not have 2 cocker spaniels that are feeling the just as badly as I am.  My thoughts are with you - i don't know if it gets better with time we shall see but at least now I can talk to people that are experiencing the same loss. 

take care of yourselves 

r