I bame myself for my kittens death

[MySweetAngel]

I would like to vent and this is gonna be long so please bare with me. 

I heard a kittens meow the night before July 11 2022. The next morning I heard it again and finally found her, she was an orange cat. She was in a bush outside the apartment I live in, I took her and put her near our apartments entrance and fed her, then I went back inside my apartment and left her. After a few minutes I went out to buy chocolate and heard her in another side of the apartment. When I found her she was soaking wet and her head was slightly bleeding. I dried her and took her to my room, but then she started sneezing blood and a few minutes later I saw blood inside her mouth so I immediately took her to the vet. She was put on dextrose and I took her home. I took care of her from July 11 to July 14 when her dextrose can finally be taken off. She was a really clingy cat when she was in the dextrose and wouldn't eat if I don't feed her using my hand and won't sleep when I'm not petting her. I lost her a few minutes after returning home but when night came I saw her again. She started getting sick again in July 15 and wouldn't eat but she started getting better. She finally got fully better on July 17. She was now very energetic and sweet. But then July 20 came. It was early in the morning and my cousin told me there was a dog inside the apartment and I fed it. My other cat suddenly attacked him and the dog started chasing my cat. I went out to find the owner of the dog and when I was coming back I was talking to myself and saying "That dog better not kill my cat or else I will kill him". The irony. The moment I went back inside I saw the dog, beside the body of my kitten. The dog killed my kitten. Why do I blame myself? Well, after I saw that I cried my eyes out and took the dog outside. Then I realized, if only I did that in the first place as soon as I saw the dog then my kitten would have still been alive. If only I wasn't stupid I would've realized the moment the dog started chasing my other cat that the dog will hurt my cats. If only I wasn't stupid I would've remembered that my kitten was still not that good at climbing. If only I didn't went out and looked for the owner. She would've still been alive. If only. Her face, the state of her body when i saw her, I can't get it out of my head. All the what ifs that keeps popping on my head, I can't get it out. Her face, it's like she's asking why I couldn't protect her. The image of her trying to escape and the dog biting her to death, it keeps popping on my head everytime I remember her. The owner did not even say sorry to me and just watched me as I burried my kitten. The owners dog has alreadt bit a person, and still he just lets his dog wander off. When my kitten was finally getting better, I kept thanking God and asking him to protect my cats especially my kitten. Now I keep asking him why. Why is it that you have to take her that way? I would've been fine with her dying if it's really her fate but why did you have to take her in a way she felt so much pain? I can still remember her meows, I see in the videos I took of her on how she depends on me, I still feel how I disappointed her. Still, I wish she's happy now and is in heaven. I wish God and heaven is really real. Because if it's real, then she would be happy now. I had her for 10 days, but still I loved her with all of my heart.

[KayC]

OMG, how horrible for you and your kitty to go through!  I have heard of this happening before, but to see it....that is truly hard.  I am so sorry.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died over 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

 

[MySweetAngel]

19 hours ago, KayC said:

OMG, how horrible for you and your kitty to go through!  I have heard of this happening before, but to see it....that is truly hard.  I am so sorry.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

 

Thank you 

[Michael Günther]

I’m sorry you lost your kitten the way you did, it’s sad but It’s not your fault my dear. You Need to forgive yourself, you did your best and in the small time you spent with your kitten was spent with you showing Love to your kitten.