my sister died a few years ago

[eternaldreams]

I have never really gotten over my sister dying so I thought maybe i would try talking about it. I didn't do therapy or grief counseling. I just survived, i guess. Or thought I was but apparently i just shoved my feelings deep down and buried them. My younger sister committed suicide a couple of years ago and i pretty much fall apart around July and August. I was adopted out of my biological family when i was 3.5. I grew up with my 2 older siblings but didn't really know i had a bunch of younger siblings out there. My sister and i found each other when she was a month shy from turning 21 and she took her life a week after her 26th birthday. I don't know if its the fact that we really didn't know each other that well that is the hardest or the fact that even though we didn't grow up together we were alike in so many ways. she was my best friend. The person i told everything to. And now shes just gone. I do have to admit writing this has helped some. I know it won't make the pain go away but thank you for reading this. I found my sister so i don't sleep very well ever since. 

[Valerie Lockhart]

Dear eternaldreams,

I'm sorry for the loss of your sister. The suicide of a sibling can leave you racked with guilt. ‘If only I had done things differently, my sibling would still be alive,’ you might tell yourself. Ask yourself this, What human is granted full control over the actions of another human? “The suffering that the person was trying to escape—and the horrible way that he or she ended it—were not yours to prevent.” Coming to terms with your sister's death will take time, and that’s understandable considering what has happened. What helped me to cope with the death of my loved ones was reading the Bible. It feels as if God is talking to me personally. The following things also helped me:  Keeping a list of comforting Bible passages, and refer to them at least once each day.—Psalm 94:19. Reaching out to a compassionate confidant. Talking things out may well lighten your load.—Proverbs 17:17. Meditating on the Bible’s promise of a resurrection.—John 5:28, 29. You might also find that keeping a journal—at least for a time—will help you put your grief in perspective. Be assured that “God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.” (1 John 3:20) He knows better than any human the factors and circumstances that may have contributed to your sister’s distressed state. He also knows you—better than you know yourself. (Psalm 139:1-3) Thus, you can be confident that he understands what you are going through. Whenever my grief seems overwhelming, I recall the words of Psalm 55:22: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you. Never will he allow the righteous one to totter.” I hope you too will find comfort in the scriptures. 

[eternaldreams]

@Valerie Lockhart thank you so much. I had a really rough time with it because after it happened some of my biological family said it was my fault a few said i killed her. so it was super rough tha nk you for your kind words