Members Everbrie Posted July 10, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2022 Nana I have been through bad things In my life, have had loved one pass. Nana passing did it for me this was the one thing In life that would break me… I would rather re live other things than this ..the moment I saw her take her last breath something shifted in me. What have I done…..wait I’m not ready… I don’t want this… I made a mistake. I feel like my insides and heart have been torn from inside of me. Gore……severed ….I should have tried one more option. Why am I so stupid right now …She was whimpering she wasn’t ready. I knew I wasn’t ready. What’s wrong with me …. Should I doubt the veterinarian …I don’t even recognized my own crying. Kill me instead …anyone you want I will accept it. It sounds like a screech of death and horror. Who the **** am I… I feel like my insides are going to come out through my mouth. I can’t breathe anymore… I forgot how to breathe. I need to breathe ….Something inside of me has left indefinitely. Was it part of my soul…it has to be. What do I do now… I feel void…. It’s missing… my insides are sore. What did I do with my time, with her lifetime. Guilty… regret… resentment… absolute sorrow. No words can compare to what I feel. I can write and write but no words exist. They say time heals.. for what. For why … I can’t wait…. I need something I’m desperate. Watered down cliche words don’t suffice. For now …. I will exist to settle with those words. Only to settle your own emotions …Because when I speak .. they are not listening to my words… my words ….Have meaning which no one can relate ….they can’t hear what I am saying….. so I keep to myself .. I won’t tell anyone what I feel because I will only be betrayed. She is gone … I feel it every second and minute of my day. She was me…. What I’ve lost … my Jack Russell terrier she was my soul. Unconditional … short lived … how am I suppose to move on. Isolation brings me comfort ….I’ll wake up and scrape myself off the floor and play my role as a mother, a daughter, a wife… in order to play this parent life I am in….. what has happen to me was more than death of a Jack Russell … she was me. I will play pretend….I am longing …. My longing for her plays tricks on me…. Why would she come back … was I even worthy of her… still I long for her Indefinitely and for the rest of my existence. They speak of a rainbow Bridge….. do I even deserve it…. But my nana deserves to exist beyond it all…..she has to exist beyond it all….. she worth more than us humans and all….for humanity is fault. I have lost and failed incredibly. I miss my dog …. I hate that she got sick … why does illness exist. I don’t know what to do anymore. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 11, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 11, 2022 I am so sorry you lost your dog...when was this? I'm glad you're reaching out here, it's very hard to process, very hard to grasp this happened, it feels so surreal, how can they be gone, they were just here! So much a part of us. They were our lives. Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers It may not play out like this, but I believe in after life and hope you can hope with me....that maybe just maybe there is something to this...I choose to believe! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted July 11, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 11, 2022 Welcome. I too am so sorry you have lost your precious Nana. It's incredibly, almost unbelievably painful to lose an innocent soul who we love so much and who loves us with all their heart. Your thoughts are very familiar to all of us here. The truth is that yes, you have lost a piece of your heart. They take it with them when they must go. But also yes, I believe the Rainbow Bridge exists, probably not how we might picture it, but it's there and they are there waiting for us. They are healthy and strong and young again. They deserve it--and so do we! We deserve it because we love them and they love us, no other requirements are necessary, IMO. When it's our time, I do have faith that we will be reunited with them in one way or another. Until that time, we struggle onward in this life knowing we've been given the grace of perfect love. Not everyone finds that. Please keep coming here to read and talk; it helps over time, it really does. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted July 20, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2022 Thank you your words help…it’s a struggle for sure. I think this is week 3 it feels like longer. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 20, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 20, 2022 It can take a long time for the tears to subside into something more manageable, but it feels like we carry a grief weight inside of us, even years later. I keep Arlie's grave cleared off, it helps to know I honor him in that respect. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted July 20, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2022 Her little sister misses her too… 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted July 20, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 20, 2022 3 hours ago, Everbrie said: Her little sister misses her too… So sweet and sad. Yes, our pets do grieve. Some people don’t believe that. They are wrong. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 21, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 21, 2022 Yes, they do, as talked about here:Grieving Pet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted July 22, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2022 16 hours ago, KayC said: Yes, they do, as talked about here:Grieving Pet that letter made my heart hurt. Maybe I need to write to nana…. I leave her crate open and put all her toys and her blanket in it. Her sister Lyla doesn’t go inside…. I’m waiting to dream of her. I hoped to be visited but I’ve been so numb and lost. I have my 2 year old that keeps me busy but I can’t stop thinking of her. So much regret….it replays over and over. The first week she was gone my 2 year olds would be playing alone and kept saying Nana Nana … then he would peek in her crate …. Destroyed me. That same week I saw a pretty rainbow … I saw clouds that looked like dogs… one chasing a ball running the other one with wings. Maybe it’s an effect of longing for her. I hope she knows how I much I miss her and how sorry I am….. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 22, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 22, 2022 Maybe the rainbow is saying something to you... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted July 26, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted July 26, 2022 I made this video for my baby girl … 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 27, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 27, 2022 Thank you for sharing it with us! Beautiful pictures of your babies...ahh the memories! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted July 28, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2022 That video is so sweet, what an adorable girl. I am so so sorry for your loss. The 13 old pom/chi/shiba mix I have is struggling a lot. Pancreatitis. Maybe heart failure?? I have only had her a few months but I am so scared to go through this process again. The pain. The guilt I have already for trying to make her comfortable and not doing enough. I fear will haunt me... We work so hard to do the right thing. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted July 28, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2022 Thank you she loved attention and meeting people she was pure joy but she did have a diva side she was very dominating. That sounds so heartbreaking…..when I found out my girl had heart failure she was gone in 3 months it went by so fast I feel like I didn’t do enough. I feel so much guilt because when I had my first son I feel like I didn’t spend a lot of time with her. She was always around me waiting Patiently for her turn 💔…. I hope she can forgive me… I wish we all had more time Make second count … give your baby all the love you can. Be happy even if your sad… lift her spirits because they can feel our emotions. Give her warm gentle nurturing care…. Their love is unconditional. She needs you the most right now. I am so sorry you and your baby are going through this. ❤️❤️❤️ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted July 28, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2022 There's never enough time. I had my cat we lost tragically (almost 5 yrs ago now) for 10 years and it wasn't enough. Knowing how you grieve for her - your love and care for Nana was bottomless, no doubt she knew it and felt it everyday being around you, even in your busiest, hurried moments. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 28, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 28, 2022 10 hours ago, AJWCat said: The 13 old pom/chi/shiba mix I have is struggling a lot. Pancreatitis. Maybe heart failure?? I have only had her a few months but I am so scared to go through this process again. The pain. The guilt I have already for trying to make her comfortable and not doing enough. I fear will haunt me... OMG, I can't believe it. It seems those of us who love pets are destined to struggle. I'm wondering how long I'll have Panther Kitty with me. It's been too hot to spend much time out there with him, but my heart goes out to him, he pretty much stays on or under the patio deck. AJWC, I hope and pray it's longer than you think, and that she's not suffering during this time... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted July 28, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2022 Thanks, off to the vet again today. I made the mistake of giving her more of her old food, I think that was the issue. The good news is, I think cats don't mind the heat as much as they are desert-dwelling - many of them. I am sure he's okay. Just needs water!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted July 28, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2022 I’m debating on rescuing/adopting a dog…my Lyla needs a companion for when I have to work. She’s been so attached to me she hates when I leave her alone. I feel ready but I don’t want to feel like I’m replacing Nana. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 29, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 29, 2022 It's not replacing, never could be, instead it's forming new bonds.When is the right time to get a new pet? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted July 31, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted July 31, 2022 This letter really touched me… brought tears to my eyes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 1, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted August 1, 2022 Too hard for my old eyes to read, but I'm glad they wrote something that touched you! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CharliesM0m2012 Posted August 1, 2022 Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2022 On 7/29/2022 at 11:52 AM, KayC said: It's not replacing, never could be, instead it's forming new bonds.When is the right time to get a new pet? I would one day like the companionship of another / 2nd dog / cat / maybe a human child one day but no one, no one could ever be a replacement for my Charlie girl she was 1 of a kind. I would love to grow my little family a bit again and whoever comes, I’m sure Charlie will be looking out for them from up above 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 1, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted August 1, 2022 I feel the same way about my Arlie. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted August 1, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted August 1, 2022 I didn’t realize the letter was so blurry! Our veterinary office made a donation to the college of Veterinary medicine and biomedical sciences Texas A&M university in memory of Nana. The college sent their condolences. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 2, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted August 2, 2022 OMG, how sweet of them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted August 2, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2022 Yes it made my heart burst with emotions. I miss my girl Nana so much, not a day or second goes by that I don’t think about her. ❤️ I start my volunteer work at a local animal shelter. I figured I scrape myself up off the floor and do something good. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 3, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted August 3, 2022 Good for you! It's what I'd do if it wasn't a couple hour drive from there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CharliesM0m2012 Posted August 3, 2022 Members Report Share Posted August 3, 2022 The Invisible Leash I just knew I wouldn’t be able to read this book without welling up + the pulling feeling of devastation coming over me as if my heart is being slowly, painfully ripped out. It’s been just under 4 months + it’s still very raw + painful. RIP Charlie x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted August 4, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted August 4, 2022 It was at four months when my son brought me Kodie...that time was so hard, it felt so much longer than four months... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everbrie Posted October 16, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted October 16, 2022 Still waiting to dream of my baby girl … she’s been on my mind so much lately it keeps me up at night. Her sister Lyla got sick and I freaked out at the pet hospital. ☹️ I need to get a second opinion for Lyla. Im so scared. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted October 19, 2022 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2022 Sorry to read about Lyla. I hope she is doing okay. After the horrible, traumatic death of our cat 5 years ago, I do not do well anymore with any kind of health issue or at the vet. I try not to be but it's like I have PTSD over that death. Whether it's with the cat we adopted 5 years ago and now, my newly adopted senior dog if either one has to go to the vet, I get very anxious. But too, I know what's coming. No one lives forever. I try to enjoy every single moment with them both and make them as happy and comfortable as much as I can - when I'm not working. (I am at home at least.) That's all we can do. The best vet in the world can't stop the inevitable so we do our best to make their life good. There's never enough time with your animals. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 19, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted October 19, 2022 On 10/16/2022 at 3:46 AM, Everbrie said: Still waiting to dream of my baby girl … she’s been on my mind so much lately it keeps me up at night. Her sister Lyla got sick and I freaked out at the pet hospital. ☹️ I need to get a second opinion for Lyla. Im so scared. Let us know what you learn about her. I understand... Holding you in my thoughts and prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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