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Coping With Death


BONITA

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Hi everyone, I'm so sorry for your loss,

Fathers Day has not been easy for me for 21 years. My dad passed away in 1984, and I have been struggling with his loss. I have been speaking for 14 years and have often referred to my late father as a continued source of energy and inspiration for me. Audiences have been encouraging me to write "Our Fathers Who Art in Heaven and What They Continue to Teach Us". I published a sneak preview last year for Fathers Day and I gave a speech to initiate the project. My vision is for the proceeds from the full book, which will be coming out this April, to be used as an educational and inspirational resource for those who have lost their father.

I'm planning on organizing a Father's Day rally in Buffalo, NY.

If you were to attend a rally on Father's day in line with the Vision, what would you like to have happen on that day?

Feel free to post your comments here or in my blog

http://murak.blogs.com/ourfatherswhoartinheaven/

http://www.ofwaihf.org/

Thank you in advance for your comments.

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Hi all –

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the message boards seem a little different. We’ve streamlined the message boards. We’ve unified the forum and thread names and tried to make things less confusing. I hope that it has made things easier for you.

We are considering adding new threads to the topics and would love to hear what you would like to be added. You can write me at julie@beyondindigo.com to share your thoughts and suggestions. I would love to hear from you.

I am also still looking for message board monitors. If you are interested, please let me know!

Take care,

Julie

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shannimarie

Hi to smilegodlovesya. You are not alone in grieving. I have been grieving too. Right now I am in my sad/wanna be happy stage. Tomorrow it will be anger again. The day after it will be wondering why again. The stages seem to repeat themselves until you eventually move on from death. My grieving will come full circle when I have my closure completely. I have not been on here in a while. Hi Steve. Thanks for your message. Death is often avoided by me, rather the feelings that I experience from it. It's so difficult. Some days I miss Ted so much. I wonder? Why do we even exist at times, if it hurts so much? I miss my children too. God has a plan though, and even though it hurts like heck right now, it will pass, and tomorrow holds more promise and sunshine. I just have to believe that it will be okay. Smilegodlovesya, if you want to email me at Redshanni67@Aol.com you can. God Bless you all...

Shanni

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Shannimarie, after my cousin died (was killed), we all went through the grieving process at different paces. Some of us in our family are still paddling backward, like his Mom, who is struggling to make sense out of a drug related killing. There is only one pace that is the right speed for you as you go through this. Only you can set that pace, and only you can travel the journey. This is your time, and if today you miss him, and tomorrow you need to be angry, you are okay to feel these things on these days. You are free to feel them in any order you want or need to.

My heart hurts for you in this pain. The blessing we have is to be able to come here and share and talk with others who share this journey, even if theirs is about people we never met. Here, we are connected by a bond so few understand, but a bond that is ever so strong. Take care of yourself and make time to nurture yourself as you go through this time.

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Hi, this is very hard for me to talk about but I'm just SO ANGRY!!!

My husband was taken from me on August 1st and I'm sooooooooooooo mad!!

We had jsut started our lives together and I want him back!!! We were married on April 17th, 2004.

We have 6 kids (blended family) and they are all taking this hard too. He suffered from alot of migranes so his dotor thinks it may have been a brain anurisymn but we are still waiting for cause of death to be determined.

I WANT HIM BACK!!

I feel as though I am going crazy and if it wasn't for my children I believe I would be in a nut house somewhere!

WHY? WHY did God rake him from me so damn soon??

~Sherry

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alwaysmyjennifer

Shelms2879, I am sorry about this loss you suffer. Anger, even directed at God or anyone out there, is a part of your grief. This sorrow will soften with time, even though you will always feel this loss. Be gentle with yourself, and try to give yourself time to deal with these emotions. I know that won't be very easy with 6 children, but it can be done. Do you have family and friends to offer support and comfort? My thoughts and prayers to you for peace. Mark

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I hope you do not mind my writing this in several areas of your forum but I read a book recently called "Song Of Cy: Understanding Grief" and it has helped me to cope with the loss of my beautiful grand daughter Amelia.

I am a member of Whiskey Creek Press publishers, and avidly read thier romances.

However at the beginning of October I noticed a book that was non-fiction that dealt with grief. Though I have read other books dealing with grief, this one touched me personally as well as to give me guidelines and helped me to understand so much of what is going on inside of myself as well as my family.

The authors name is Katlyn Stewart. She has done an amazing job in hitting the nail on the head in helping parents,grandparents and even friends understand what happens when we grieve,

I highly recommend it and will post this in several areas in the hope that it will help just one person like it did me.

Also on the Whiskey Creek page was her web addresss- http://katlynstewart.com. If you have a chance, read this book.

Thank you,

Lilly

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Hi,

Here I am and here comes another Christmas without my best friend in the entire

world. I am finding harder to cope this year being that I will be moving out

of this area right after Christmas. I guess I feel guilty about leaving her beind on top of the guilt of not being there for Tina when she needed me the most that night. Plus, hearing that the lead singer of the band (Great White) who helped kill my best friend and 99 others (Station Nightclub Fire 2-20-03) is going to be a father soon and will enjoy his little family while I and the others feel nothing but loss and pain and anger knowing

he and Mark Kendall will not see one day in jail but they will let their tour manager take the fall for following orders made by them. This man will spend the rest of his life in prison while they live it up....Real fair huh?

How can I not feel angry and depressed over this?

I MISS MY BEST FRIEND TINA AYER!

-Annie

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Annie,

I am so sorry for your loss. I too am very angry and sad and etc., right now. It is the holidays and my first without the love of my life, my fiancee James. He and I got engaged in November 2004. James died on 11/12/2005 from a drug overdose. He was prescribed Methadone to help him with a Heroin habit, that he hid from his family for years. He went to a doctor on Friday 11/11/05 and was dead by 11/12/05... I miss him dearly. I live in the house where he died and can't imagine moving away from here, although without his income I may just have to do that... I feel for you and the pain you are going through. That was a very tragic fire your BF died in. I am so sorry for your loss... I was in a fire myself, back in 2000. I was VERY lucky to have survived with just some scaring from my burns... I can't imagine what your friend went through. I pray that she didn't suffer.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are not to blame for her death. I know that I feel guilty for not waking up and helping James too. He died while I was taking a nap... I also know that James doesn't blame me for him dying, as I am sure that your BF doesn't blame you. I know that doesn't ease your pain, but I was once told that I need to not use the words should/shouldn't because they = guilt. I cry every day for my loss and I know that you are grieving too. Please be kind to yourself... I try to even though it is not easy...

You are in my prayers,

Trish

My prayers are with you,

Trish

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Trish,

Thank you so much Trish,

I am so sorry for your loss.

Know James loves you very much and he will be with you always

no matter where you are. Like you told me, don't put the blame

on yourself, it's not your fault at all and if James could tell

you so, he would. Remember the good times that you shared together,

talk to him. James will always be a part of you!

You are also in my prayers as well!

Love,

Annie

Annie,

I am so sorry for your loss. I too am very angry and sad and etc., right now. It is the holidays and my first without the love of my life, my fiancee James. He and I got engaged in November 2004. James died on 11/12/2005 from a drug overdose. He was prescribed Methadone to help him with a Heroin habit, that he hid from his family for years. He went to a doctor on Friday 11/11/05 and was dead by 11/12/05... I miss him dearly. I live in the house where he died and can't imagine moving away from here, although without his income I may just have to do that... I feel for you and the pain you are going through. That was a very tragic fire your BF died in. I am so sorry for your loss... I was in a fire myself, back in 2000. I was VERY lucky to have survived with just some scaring from my burns... I can't imagine what your friend went through. I pray that she didn't suffer.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are not to blame for her death. I know that I feel guilty for not waking up and helping James too. He died while I was taking a nap... I also know that James doesn't blame me for him dying, as I am sure that your BF doesn't blame you. I know that doesn't ease your pain, but I was once told that I need to not use the words should/shouldn't because they = guilt. I cry every day for my loss and I know that you are grieving too. Please be kind to yourself... I try to even though it is not easy...

You are in my prayers,

Trish

My prayers are with you,

Trish

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I wrote the words for this song for my Best Friend Tina Ayer who died in The Station Nightclub Fire. Not am I sharing this song for all of the 100 victims that died that night but I want to share this with anyone who has lost a loved one to let them know that they are not alone like I felt. I am doing this in loving memory of Tina\'s loving heart and giving spirit.

Love,

Annie

Heaven\'s Light (Tina\'s Song).

My Best Friend,

you are wrapped up in...Heaven\'s light...tonight.

While we are here, still, missing you,

trapped in, these chains of pain,

so many, we could blame...

Where you are now...

My best friend, you can, see all clear

you have no pain or fear,

but I am still right here,

living in a world, in a haze of pain and tears........

And your loving voice, I can no longer hear.........

My Best Friend,

you are wrapped up in...Heaven\'s light tonight.

While we are here, still, missing you,

trapped in these chains of pain,

We\'ll never be the same...

The night you left...

it left a overwhemling, gapping hole, in my heart,

and now that, we\'re apart,

I will, never ever know, a love, like, yours, again........

No matter, who I meet, or I call, my, best, friend..........

My best friend........oooh.......ooh......ooh

(Guitar Solo)

I have tears in my eyes, tears in my soul

tears in my heart, that I\'ll forever hold...

My Best Friend, till I cross myself,

and see you once again...

My Best Friend,

you are wrapped up in...Heaven\'s light tonight.

While we are here, still, missing you...

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nicolebrooke

Hey everyone,

I am coping with the death of my brother, he was 19. He died the day after Christmas 1999. It was a big shock. After the initial crushing grief I just couldn't get used to the idea that he was gone. That I didn't have a brother any more. And now we are all older and he is still the same. He will always be 19 to us.

I noticed that it has been awhile since someone posted here but I will come everyday if anyone out there wants to chat.

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Guest Guest

Hi my name is Charles and Its coming up to the 39th anniversary of my

dad,s death ( Gordon Haskell).

He was 47 and I was 14. It's really weird because it only seems like

yesterday that he died and never a day goes by without me thinking of him.

When i found this grief support group i thought relatives remembered might

be helpful to you, so please don't think i am spamming.

My Dad was cremated and I really regret that there is no real grave that I can visit.

I wanted a way to permanently express my feelings and share them with family and

friends, so I created www.relativesremembered.com to be a free resource to help others.

Also it gives me a place to visit as there is no grave.

My dad's memorial page:

http://www.relativesremembered.com/memorialtemplates/displaymemorial.php?memid=53&totalnumberofresults=3

If it is of help to you, or you can think of any way to improve it please don't hesitate

to drop me an email.

My condolences for your own loss and all best wishes to you from me.

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My name is jeanie, I lost my son Christopher, 21, in a car accident 2 weeks ago, May 26,2006. His friend was the driver, he was speeding, i am in agony, also agry at his friend, he lived, lost an arm but he is talking to friends about getting another car, (this was not the car in the accident) the owner of the vehicle was a passenger at the time and was also killed.

I am comsumed with pain, sadness, anger...i have another son 17, named Brian he was always moody and hard to talk to, Christopher was my best friend, now i realize i have hardly had any relationship with my other son and i dont know him at all, he was always angry at me for something, now he's angrier...i have tried 2 therapists already, they did nothing for me, no interaction, i am going to a licensed social worker through my local hospital that deals with people who have suffered trauma, lost people to murder, etc.

Please help with some advice.

I went back to work, but it's so hard to concentrate and not cry all day, alhtough staying home is unbearable, he still lived at home and his stuff is everywhere to remind me of him. I kow he would like me to forvgive him friend for this, but i can't he was driving out of control (no drugs or alcohol involved, just plain stupidity)

please help

jeanie

I live in Queens, ny, (close to manhattan)...

thank you

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Surviving a Heart Attack (just read)

This one is definitely worth your minute: I suffered a heart attack recently and I did one thing that brought almost immediate relief.

With all my strength I tried to stretch my body and overcome the bending position one is forced to when suffering a heart attack.

I put myself in supine position, put my STRETCHED ARMS TO THE SIDES at slightly greater tha right angle and stopped tossing and turning and moving my fingers, which I thought was the best way to REDUCE ADRENALINE – the main culprit of a HA. I felt almost immediate improvement in the depth of my breath, the pain the muscle cramp started receding. After 15 minutes I was able to stand up.

Putting arms to the sides looks to make the chest and muscles inside it expand and that streches the cramped heart muscle (like soccer players stretch their cramped calf by bending the foot to the maximum, just raise your arms above the head level and you can see it does make the chest expand). Staying totally motionless seems to induce a state of maximum relaxation of the body (which reduces adrenaline.) and muscles (including the heart muscle).

Please try using this technique when facing death. It can really help you and your relatives survive a heart attack.

Greetings

Peter

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Hi

my Name is Ingrid my husband and I just divorced 3 months ago , after a long time of abuse and his alcohol problem . I did not agree to the dicorce because I stopped loving him , I was tired of hurting and having bruises .My Husband passed away exactly 3 months and 1 day after our Divorce ,I hate myself I use to tell him he will die all by himself because of his Violent behavior when he drank and he did ! I can't forgive myself because I always hoped and prayed the God he will stop drinking after we divorce but no he layed down and died , I just wish I could been there to hold his hand and tell him how much I did loved him I think I going to die too Ijust don't know how to go on .............I really hate myself , I would give my life just to hold him for one minute

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INGRID,,,,,,,,,,,,YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DEATH OF YOUR EX.....STOP BLAMING YOURSELF....IF YOU FEEL BAD........JUST SPEAK OUT TO HIM!!! HE CAN HEAR YOU...TELL HIM YOU ARE SORRY FOR NOT BEING THERE...SAY WHATEVER IS IN YOUR HEART..............I TRUELY BELIEVE THEY ARE WITH US AFTER THEY DIE...IS THERE SOMEONE YOU CAN TALK TO..CLOSE BY...??? THE PEOPLE ON BEYOND INDIGO ARE A GREAT SUPPORT GROUP AND WILL HELP YOU ..ENCOURAGE YOU AND LIFT YOU UP WHEN YOU ARE DOWN AND LAUGH WITH YOU WHEN YOU LAUGH....KEEP IN TOUCH WITH US....WE ALL CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER..YOUR EX WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO FEEL GUILTY.............WE GO HOME WHEN IT IS OUR TIME AND NOTHING CAN STOP US..YOUR BEING THERE WOULD HAVE MADE NO DIFFERNCE INGRID!..IT WAS HIS TIME... MY MOM WAS SEPARATED FROM OUR DAD FOR SEVERAL MONTHS..SHE WENT BACK WITH HIM IN OCT...HE WAS FINE AS LONG AS HE TOOK MEDICINE FOR SHELL SHOCK FROM SEEING HIS BEST FRIEND BLOWN TO PIECES IN THE PACIFIC....IF HE DIDNT..HE WAS NOT A NICE PERSON ,,DRANK AND WAS VERY ABUSIVE TO MOM..ANYWAYS................SHE WENT BACK TO HIM IN OCT...HE DIED IN A CAR WRECK..DEC..10 3 MILES DOWN THE ROAD..A LADY FELL ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL .LEAVING HER FOUR KIDS WITHOUT A MOM..US 4 WITHOUT A DAD AND THE DRIVER WITH DAD...HIS 4 WITHOUT A DAD..........IT WAS THEIR TIME ..NO ONE COULD HAVE STOPPED IT..WE WASTE A LOT OF ENERGY ON WHAT IF..SHOULD HAVE AND COULD HAVE....ONLY TO TRUELY REALIZE......WE COULDNT HAVE CHANGED A THING.........

MOM FELT GUILTY FOR YEARS AND I WOULD NOT WANT TO SEE ANYONE GO THRU THE GUILT SHE DID...I REALIZE NOW...SHE WAS MISERABLE FOR 30 YEARS ...I WAS ONLY 10 YEARS OLD AT THE TIME..PLEASE DONT WASTE YOUR ENERGY...BLAMING YOUR SELF...............FIND SOMEONE CLOSE TO TALK TO ..STAY IN CONTACT WITH US..WE WILL HELP YOU OR AT LEAST TRY TO................I HAVE PROBABLY PUT MY FOOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN..BUT FELT SO COMPELLED TO WRITE YOU INGRID..............IF YOU GO TO CHURCH.........THERE IS WHERE I FIND MUCH PEACE..ESPECIALLY AFTER THE LOSS OF MY 27 YEAR OLD SON A YEAR AGO....................

I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU INGRID

FEEL FREE TO WRITE AT ANYTIME

MESSENGER

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How do I cope today with not being able to see my mom.another day,and another weekend...I last saw my mom on Labor day,she was very sick with the morphine and the dosage she was on and seemed to be frustrated with me and visiting her,,she had on two occasions told me to come and ket some family heirlooms but both time never gave them to me..wondering if she just wants to see me "acting greedy?" only to be in disbelief that I NEVER ASK FOR A THING.....i miss my dad..and hate the cancer!

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I too hate the cancer and an very angry at what is does to people. I get through the days by imagining how free and well my husband is feeling now. Somtimes that works, sometimes it doesn't and I just have to stop and grieve. It's a hard process with no easy answers. Hang in there and wait for the memories to help comfort you. It takes awhile but eyeryone's timetable is different.

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lostwithouteddie

I am so angry my darling bloke died on june the 9th very suddenly, a clott went to his lungs causing a massive heart attack.There was no warning nothing to indicate that this was going to happen he was only 56.We had such a short time together he was my soal mate my best friend. We met while i was talking to a friend in a chat room online and got on immediatley that was in 2000. In 2001 my self and my daughter came from England to USA to meet him and spent 3 wonderful weeks together.Christmas day 2001 he asked me to marry him and I accepted without one doubt in my mind. Then began the process of selling me house and my pocessions getting visa s to be with him.I arrived in USA on Dec 6th 2002 and we married Feb 15 2003. Now just over 3 years later I have lost the love of my life and become a widow. We should of had alot more time together its so unfair. The rest of my family live in UK and although I have good friends here its not the same as having your Mum giving you a hug. I miss him so much and want him back, how are you supposed to cope with this raw emotion that I am feeling.

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Not too long after my husband died I was stomping around his grave telling him I didn't want him there - I wanted him here, sobbing and hiccuping. It went on for almost an hour. Try to let your emotions go in a safe place and don't be afraid to cry - or scream if you're not somewhere that will disturb others (cars are great echo chamber.} Releasing all that pernt up stuff helps at - least for awhile. It will come back but gradually you learn to deal with it. I find I can go a few days now before having what I call a meltdown. My husband died July 7. Believe me, I know how you feel!!

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First off, I just want to say how sorry I am to all of you that have posted about your losses on here. Sometimes I feel SO overwhelmed with every emotion under the sun because I lost my 60-year-old mother to ovarian cancer on Sept.19, 2006. My grief is sort of complicated because I ALSO lost my 34-year-old sister to domestic violence less than 1 year ago (Nov. 25, 2005)...I really think that if my sister had not been murdered by her abusive boyfriend (oh, and did I mention she was 7 1/2 months pregnant when murdered? The miracle is that the baby survived and is with my brother now)..Anyways, I believe my mother's will to live and her body's ability to fight her cancer would have been much stronger if my sister had not been murdered just 1 month after my mother was initially diagnosed. Sometimes I just don't understand why all of this tragedy has happened to my family in only 10 months. I guess there are no anwers to things like this. "Because it was their time" or "It was God's Will" do not give me any comfort.

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I also feel very angry and empty since the passing of my husband...I try and try but just feel so broken and alone.....it has been 2 1/2 yrs now and I still ache for him. I can see his face as plan as day and beautiful blue eyes and kind spirit. It is as if he never left me but I just can't feel him physically....It seems like torture with the thought of having to go the rest of my life without him by my side.....I cry everyday and wake numerous times thru the night just longing to have him back and can't help but to cry....the world lost a great one the day he left us.....

Bless you all.

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It really is nice to hear that I'm not alone. I wish you all the best and I pray for you. Thank you for sharing. Today is the last day of my death and dying class here in college. I have learned so much. It has not completley taken my fear away but it sure has taken some layers of blind folds off. My teacher actually wrote the book and she is hilarious I'm really going to miss that class. I met many new people and now I have more friends. It's funny whenever I mention my death and dying class to a stranger they quickly try to change the subject. People should be more open and allow themselves to experience. I now vulunteer at an elder day home, it's soooo much fun playing bingo and painting the little old ladies finger nails. I haven't had a family member die but when I do I'll be sure to let you guys all know. I'll probably need your help. Well I'm off to class, have a good night!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo- Rosie

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Anger doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feeling....I got through my 30th birthday without my dad by the skin of my teeth....Thanksgiving was bad too....but today, I found out that a "friend of the family" has pushed my mother to persue "legal action". My dad died on Sept. 12th while at work...he was an auto mechanic and was working on the roof of the building as a favor to his boss. He suffered a major heart attack. He never went to the doctor's, so any condition he may have had was not treated. This "friend" has convinced my mother that she can file for worker's comp beneifts. This is not what our family is about... How can I explain to my mother that I don't want to go through all of this pain of reliving the horror of losing dad!?!?? There is no amount of money in the world that can change what has happened...it won't bring my dad back; it won't give me the chance to dance with my daddy at my wedding, or fill any of the emptiness...She has a meeting with a law firm this week and I want no part of this. I just want to heal.....I want to support my mother, but I don't agree with this AT ALL! I hate feeling this way....

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Jeepgirl19976 - I can somewhat understand what you're feeling...I had to get involved with lawyers when I lost my mom in an auto accident. You say that you want to be supportive to your mom, you can do that and still not agree with what is happening. Be with her if possible to listen to what others are telling her and then let her know how you feel as well. If you end up with lawyers, hopefully they will be as kind and considerate as mine was of the pain you are feeling. You are correct in that no amount of money can change what has happened. Your mom is possibly going to need you to be strong for her as she tries to make decisions while she is grieving the loss of her husband. But the anger/pain you feel is real, just try not to be angry with any choices she makes. Hope I haven't said anything to upset you, just wanted to let you know that this will be difficult no matter what happens. Please take care.

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mofirefly...

no need to worry about upsetting me....any insight and/or opinions are helpful at this point.

Of course, immediately after writing my last, I felt so guilty...I know I need to support my mom, regardless. My main concern was that she was being pushed into something that she wasn't entirely sure about...maybe those were my insecurities pushing through my thoughts of her.

We've done the "lawyer route" once before (a car accident in 1991 where my mother, sister and I were struck by a drunk-driver resulting in some pretty serious injuries) and that was a really bad experience...I guess I've lumped these situations together and haven't really "given it time".

It just seems that I've finally gotten to a point where I can think about Dad without hurtig to breathe and FINALLY being able to sleep through the night, and now, with the prospect of a lawyer's involvement, we'll be back at the beginning again...

I understand that everyone handles things differently, but I just don't want to look for someone to "blame"...what happened to my dad could have happened at anytime, in any place. It was simply time...too soon, to my way of thinking, but...

I guess this will all work out the way it's supposed to in the end...

Thanks again for your kind words...I appreciate it!

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I was just wondering about all these posts. I have been reading old posts that are listed on the top of the page of the forum "missing him." They are the same month after month, year after year. All the women in fresh grief that happen onto this web site say virtually the same things. We all like to think we are so unique in our suffering, like we are the only ones who ever loved another human like we did. But, we are all the same. Sad, broken, confused as to what just happened to us. I admire the women who stick with this forum year after year. They are always here to help a new-comer. Just think, all these strangers talking to one another, feeling a connection through grief. What an awesome emotion this is. It is so powerful that most of these women (and Men) seek comfort from strangers. Thank God these are compassionate strangers.

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My son, SPC Lance Briggs, served in Operation Iraqi Freedom. While he was fighting for our country his little girl was here fighting for her life. She lost that battle just days before her Daddy was to return. She was murdered after a Judge returned her to her mother's home after months of documented abuse. Kelsey had two broken legs, a broken collar bone, numerous bruises and abrasions, retinal hemoraging, hair loss, and weight loss prior to her death. Her mother previously had child abuse confirmed on her. Kelsey was still in state custody and was to be monitored by three different state agencies. Her cause of death was blunt force trauma to the abdomen. Her mother and stepfather have both been charged in connection with her death. For more on her story go to www.kelseyspupose.org My son feels like Iraq cost him everything. He returned from war to bury his only child, not the homecoming a soldier deserves.

We started a website that has grown into a support system for other children in abusive situations. Our story has been one of the highest profile cases in Oklahoma. We did not have the chance to fully grieve with all the new developments and media attention. I don't know that we will truly know the impact this has had until the last trial.

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kjbriggs - My heart goes out to you and your you and the rest of your family. I hope that the media coverage will help to start a better movement to prevent this type of situation, but I also hope they give all of you some much needed privacy. My husband is retired military...I hope that you son gets support from his unit during this terrible time. I will try to go to the website you provided. There are no words I can say to lighten your burden, just know that there are prays being offered for your support. Take care.

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mothermarycomes2me

I don't know how to cope with death, mine probably more than others around me. That seems selfish and it is but losing my mom is making me crazy and I don't know how to handle it even though I try. I am lost and I don't know what to do, it has been 8 months now and I just can't seem to move on....I mean I get up and go to work and laugh sometimes...but I will never be the same and I don't like it and I hate that my mom isn't here, it is painful and makes me angry!

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mothermarycomes2me

KBriggs, I will say many prayers and hearing all of that makes me very enraged...the poor little girl...nobody deserves that kind of life!!! That just pisses me off (I hope I can say that on here) I am at a lose for words....She has to be an angel, one of the highest angels there is cause she suffered so much here. I have to believe that, if there is a supposed reason for all this misfortune and tragedy and death.

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My grandmother was murdered in September and I don't really know how to handle it. When I first learned about her death I was numb to the idea and pretty much thought that it wasn't true.. Lately however, I am just sad and angry all the time. I know it may sound a bit crazy, but I feel enraged and wish that the man that killed her was alive so that I could hurt him in the way that he hurt me and my whole family. I don't feel closer!!!!

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hello My name is Hope and I am a mother of four and I recently lost a daughter this past November.She got sick on Thanksgiving and two days later she is gone,She died of underlined Liver disease , I am angry ,I am hurt at God myself .Because she had the flu that monday before her daughter called her in amoxicillin and told me to give her Tylenol and motrin (dont give your kids tylenol)with liver disease they cant filter it and it kills them it did my daughter at 4 1/2 . She was sick and all my stupid self did was hold her ,sing to her and tell her its ok then next day she was in a coma .I am hurt I let my daughter down ,I am mad I didnt know how could I have not know she was dying in my arms in front of me .It was to late when we got her to the er . She was given Tylenol at the Er as well . Then they sent us to Scottish Rite in Atlanta and they said oh she has Liver Failure due to overdoes (what )(How)then they sent us again to another hospital Eagleston in Atlanta (best hospital in the world for children ) they said yes her Tylenol level in lethal but mommy its not your fault she has a liver disease as well and she can have a liver transplant well by then she fell into a coma .A child 9 months old died and it was a match I saw the mom and in my heart I was saying yes Jade gets a liver now I feel terriable because the hurt that mom was feeling but my Jade was to sick and she couldnt receive it .that thurday they come and got me and placed her in my arms and I placed my hand on her heart 6 beats later my daughters life was no more .I was mad why her ,why not my husband ,me,my momwas we not good enough ,did we not deserve my daughter she was our princess .How do you move on from this I tried and tried ,I tried even ending my own life and failed ,I cant even do that right , Is this a personal punishment from god someone tell me ,I need someone who has felt this hurt not a idiot who thinks they know and hasnyt lost a child they dont know (they Dont) its a nightmare ,We are the ones who lie at night and cry are eyes out .I need someone to show me they are a brighter path up the road without my baby girl .I am just hurt and lost here thats all my worst fear hit me right in my face and I need help to cope

Hope Montgomery

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Dear Hope, I posted for you on the Coping with Loss thread. I won't go into that long post again here. Please go there and read, and contact me or post again. I am praying for you... Hugs and much love, Claudia

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Dear Hope, I can't possibly imagine the pain of losing a child, I want to say wherever you are in the world I send you loving thoughts. I havent lost a child, but I have lost a mother to cancer, partner to suicide and good friend to suicide. What I do know is that grief has a life of it's own and you go through the most incredible array of emotions, over and over again. The only way Im finding, is walking through it, with lots of support and professional support to wade through the shock, agony, pain, confusion, and myriads of stories and emotions that are living inside. I dont think there is such a thing as closure, as your little girl will always be huge part of you. I pray for you and your family.

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hi all i am really missing my mum she passed away 5 weeks ago , she was only 58 and i am 33 . it seems so young for her to of died. i am feeling very angry upset and so blue an down. i am getting angry with everybody my 11 year old son is getting a very hard time from me and its so unlike me, my mum looked after my son declan alot as i have spent alot of time in hispital an mum would care for him when ever i was in patient. i imagine my son is finding it hard too, but i just want to be on my own. i this wrong i am feeling so many new emotions an all are very negative, its so hard. i just want to shut everyone out and tell people not to laugh as my mum has died an i am so unhappy....  i keep wanting to go back to bed and not to have to deal with day to day life.......... i took voluntary redundancy in may so i could spend more time with my mum as i knew she was not feeling 100% now i have very long days to fill without her in it. mum was my everything! when she was in hospital dying she kept telling everyone how strong i am with all my illness and surgery i have been through due to ulcerative collitus and that i would be everyones rock when she dies... an i am not being very strong on my own, i just keep lying on the floor in my house and crying which is not right is it? i have 2 sisters an they both seem to be doing so well, but they did not have so much contact with mum as me.. i feel like my heart and soul have gone.   this site has been alot of help over the last few weeks, an i thank everyone for the kind words i have heard and its good to know other people are too in the same place as me....... thanks for listening to me........................... i am so lost without my lovely beswt friend mum............................ take care all paula xx

 

 

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Guest bill force

Charles, perhaps it brings you a certain amout of comfort to know that you are not alone. I'm sure those in your family still miss your father muchly, though for many it's not only difficult to talk about, but also think about.

You said that you think about your dad every day, which struck a chord with me. For this coming March 18 marks the 49th year of my dad's death from a sudden heart attack while at work in New York City. I was 13. Didn't deal with it well. Never let him go mentally. And still cry and cry when I realize how much I miss him.

Time is supposed to heal wounds like this, but I guess it doesn't always work.

Chet Atkins sang about this kind of loss in a song; you can hear it on u tube. It's called, "I still can't say goodbye." That pretty much sums up how I hurt.

Bill Force

force630@consolidated.net

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Guest sadandconfused

I am 20 years old I was 18 when my father passed away and he was only 36.. I am here trying to find solace and forgiveness, maybe if I tell the story things will get better for me. The date was Oct. 19 2006 I was at my little brothers football game, I hadn't seen my dad in about a week, we finised the game I didn't go over and give him a hug like my sister I just hurried home because I was working a graveyard at the care center. I had a lot of teenaged anger and a bit of resentment towards my father and I was holding it all in. I was extremely tired that night at work and I was extremly edgy I kept looking at my cell phone knowing that my boyfriend was at work and that everyone else I know should be sleeping. I was just getting ready to get the individuals up and ready for school and work when the work phone rang, it was my mother her voice was stressed and all she said was, " come home come home now!!" I asked her what was wrong and she said "we need to go to grandmas your dad passed away last night" I dropped the phone, I couldn't speak or breathe. I layed on the work floor and cried. I called everyone that worked there to see if they would cover for me. but no one would come in, I only had 2 hours left of my shift. After trying for an hour to get a hold of a manager or a co worker, someone called back and said my son used to work there but her quit, he is willing to come in for the last hour of your shift. My moms parents were waiting for me in the car and had been for an hour, they drove me out to my dads parents where my dad stayed the night because it was closer to the hospital. When we pulled up there was an ambulance out front and a few marked police cars and even an undercover police car. They had to get things ready to transport my dads body to a hospital so that they could preform an autopsy, they asked me once they were finished if i wanted to go into the basement and see him before they took him away, Me and my brother said no my sister and mom went down and saw him. too this day I have regrets about not going downstairs and as a result I haven't been down there in almost 2 years. As it turns out my dads death was a result of a unreigisterd, unlicensed, carless doctor, that had no regard for his life, he over medicated him with more then twice the dose of medications, and gave him twice the dose of medications that weren't supposed to be mixed in the first place, he didn't take a final blood pressure and sent him out the door 7 minutes after the final shot. As a result i have a lot fo hate for this doctor (if you can even call him that) and I have even more resent with myself for not hugging my dad that final night I had with him.

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Guest sadandconfused

I am 20 years old I was 18 when my father passed away and he was only 36.. I am here trying to find solace and forgiveness, maybe if I tell the story things will get better for me. The date was Oct. 19 2006 I was at my little brothers football game, I hadn't seen my dad in about a week, we finised the game I didn't go over and give him a hug like my sister I just hurried home because I was working a graveyard at the care center. I had a lot of teenaged anger and a bit of resentment towards my father and I was holding it all in. I was extremely tired that night at work and I was extremly edgy I kept looking at my cell phone knowing that my boyfriend was at work and that everyone else I know should be sleeping. I was just getting ready to get the individuals up and ready for school and work when the work phone rang, it was my mother her voice was stressed and all she said was, " come home come home now!!" I asked her what was wrong and she said "we need to go to grandmas your dad passed away last night" I dropped the phone, I couldn't speak or breathe. I layed on the work floor and cried. I called everyone that worked there to see if they would cover for me. but no one would come in, I only had 2 hours left of my shift. After trying for an hour to get a hold of a manager or a co worker, someone called back and said my son used to work there but her quit, he is willing to come in for the last hour of your shift. My moms parents were waiting for me in the car and had been for an hour, they drove me out to my dads parents where my dad stayed the night because it was closer to the hospital. When we pulled up there was an ambulance out front and a few marked police cars and even an undercover police car. They had to get things ready to transport my dads body to a hospital so that they could preform an autopsy, they asked me once they were finished if i wanted to go into the basement and see him before they took him away, Me and my brother said no my sister and mom went down and saw him. too this day I have regrets about not going downstairs and as a result I haven't been down there in almost 2 years. As it turns out my dads death was a result of a unreigisterd, unlicensed, carless doctor, that had no regard for his life, he over medicated him with more then twice the dose of medications, and gave him twice the dose of medications that weren't supposed to be mixed in the first place, he didn't take a final blood pressure and sent him out the door 7 minutes after the final shot. As a result i have a lot fo hate for this doctor (if you can even call him that) and I have even more resent with myself for not hugging my dad that final night I had with him.

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Oh - I'm so very sorry for what has happened in your young life that has led you to these boards - but this is a very comforting place to relase some of the emotions you are trying to deal with.  So many of us go on the ride of "If Only"  "Why didn't I"  "How could someone do that to the one I love" and so forth.  These questions can be very hard to deal with and there may never be answers to some of them....but may I advise that you should at least try to release the anger - as it is the one emotion that will cause you the most harm, and unfortunately it doesn't do anything to the one you are angry with.  For me, writting out how I felt was a tremendous help.  This is a great place to do that.  Please take care of you! and remember to breathe!

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Guest sophie89

**I'm really just writing this to vent and hopefully get some feedback on how to handle everything.....

 

I'm 17 and three months from yesterday i lost the best friend that i've had since i was five to an overdosage of a drug. It was honestly the hardest thing i have ever had to go through in my entire life! I felt like my entire life was just torn apart in just a matter of a few days. We were best friends for over ten years and it was like i had to restart my whole life without her. And even before her death i had many problems with an alcohol and drug abuser as a father. It was like she was the only one that understood. And now i lost her to a stupid drug that she barley started taking and Since she was totally against it up until the last two months she was alive, which was when she got involved in all of the horrible things. I mean it was all just such a shock that she passed away on a drug that she hated! Its just hard to understand. Its been three months and i'm still have an extremely hard time coping with everything. I mean at first i wasn't eating or sleeping until my friends made me eat and mom tried to make me sleep. But i still don't feel any different from the day that i found out, til now. I mean so many people say things will get better, things are going to get easier. But the way i see it is that things don't really get better or easier. In fact to me, the only thing that gets easier is being able to hide the true emotions you feel. I don't really know how to handle such a big lose in my life, but in writing this i hope to get some advice or maybe some inspiration to help me with everything. I mean just by reading these blogs i see that you've all mostly gone through what i'm going through, and i just wanted to know.....What do you do? How do you cope with such a huge lose?

-sophie89

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Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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