Still in so much pain no one can understand after months

[ElleRed26]

I am 26 years old single, and all I knew was my mother from adolescents... She had had kidney failure from the time I was 16. So all I knew was taking care of her and the emotional roller coaster of whether she'll make it out alive, every hospital visit. She passed away 2 and a half months ago, and I seem to be getting worse, I cry every day, missing her not knowing how to continue with life because I had no life without her, she was my only best friend, councillor, everything and now I have no one, well that's what it feels like, my friends are insensitive and don't understand and I get really angry that they don't and I want to block them out. I want to block everyone out who isn't atleast as nice and caring as I am through this time, everything is confusing I feel totally alone no matter what any one says and my birthday is in a week and I want to just disappear... Every week I think it's too much to bare, but I bare it and I'm okay but it's a cycle, I could write a book on how everything feels messed up. I can't even take care of myself anymore even though I took the responsibility to take care of another... I'm so young but it's been almost 3 months and I feel myself getting deeper and deeper into the sadness.

[janetan]

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a very difficult period. 

I lost my mother in Oct 2021, My pain is still as new as day one. I wondered how I can make it this far. I read that pain will get lesser as time goes by. For me, not quite true as it coming to 10 months. I also read that pain will never go away ,we have to live with it. Ride with it as emotions kick in in one way or another.

our mothers will want us  to be happy and get on our life. I always imagine that she is around me so that she can see what I am doing. 

sometimes, Friends and relatives are insensitive. They have not gone through the grief that we are going through Or they are not in good relationship with their loved one. We don't know about other people's lives and what they have went through.

If you feel that you are sinking in, you have to divert your attention to swim out.