Only been 11 months, how to deal

[missyou54]

My mom passed away January 3rd, 2011 from suicide. I will never forget those two words from my dad over the phone "Mary's dead" and I will never forget the screams that came out of my mouth. She was my best friend. She had Bipolar I and struggled with it for a long, long time until she just couldnt fight anymore. Its been 11 months but I am finding it harder to deal with the loss especially now that the holidays are coming. I live in California and she lived in Utah. I'm lucky to be a stay at home mom so my kids and I spent Thanksgiving, all of December and Christmas with her(hubby came out for Christmas).

I still break down crying but not as much, its just the little things. For instance: We live near a beach so sometimes when I smell the salt air I will think of how happy my mom was when she was near the ocean. My husband lost his mom to cancer in 2009 and whenever I try to talk to him about my grief he will try to compare her death to my moms death(in my mind they are two seperate things because he got a chance to say goodbye) or he will just sigh and roll his eyes then say "I don't have time for this". I have learned to just keep it all inside because who wants hear about it ya know? I have Bipolar II and depression(diagnosed when I was 18, now I'm 23.) I see a psychiatrist every month to get my refills but he doesnt do intensive therapy and its hard for me to talk to him because my kids are with me(they are 3 and 1). I want to see a therapist but my husband thinks its a stupid idea so no go there. I can't talk to anyone in my family about it because they are all into themselves to care(my dad and siblings, my moms family is awesome!).

So how does everyone deal with the grief of losing a very close loved one without going to therapy? Hope this makes sense.......

[V-teach]

My mom passed away January 3rd, 2011 from suicide. I will never forget those two words from my dad over the phone "Mary's dead" and I will never forget the screams that came out of my mouth. She was my best friend. She had Bipolar I and struggled with it for a long, long time until she just couldnt fight anymore. Its been 11 months but I am finding it harder to deal with the loss especially now that the holidays are coming. I live in California and she lived in Utah. I'm lucky to be a stay at home mom so my kids and I spent Thanksgiving, all of December and Christmas with her(hubby came out for Christmas).

I still break down crying but not as much, its just the little things. For instance: We live near a beach so sometimes when I smell the salt air I will think of how happy my mom was when she was near the ocean. My husband lost his mom to cancer in 2009 and whenever I try to talk to him about my grief he will try to compare her death to my moms death(in my mind they are two seperate things because he got a chance to say goodbye) or he will just sigh and roll his eyes then say "I don't have time for this". I have learned to just keep it all inside because who wants hear about it ya know? I have Bipolar II and depression(diagnosed when I was 18, now I'm 23.) I see a psychiatrist every month to get my refills but he doesnt do intensive therapy and its hard for me to talk to him because my kids are with me(they are 3 and 1). I want to see a therapist but my husband thinks its a stupid idea so no go there. I can't talk to anyone in my family about it because they are all into themselves to care(my dad and siblings, my moms family is awesome!).

So how does everyone deal with the grief of losing a very close loved one without going to therapy? Hope this makes sense.......

Hi,

I have been asking myself that since August. I needed an outlet. I needed to hear others feeling like me. I could not see myself going to therapy. I found this forum. I am new to this but it seems to have helped me in just a little bit. Knowing that there are others as confused as I am made me feel less alone, less isolated. I hope this helps you too. Take care.