Lost my mom 5 days ago... how do i go on...I feel so lost

[Jneane]

My mom passed away 5 days ago and I am a really hard time dealing with the loss.  I have lived with her with my 2 kids for the past 14 years (which was only supposed to be temporary) and the last 5 years I have been pretty much her caregiver.  I am going to be 55 in a couple of days and thought being older I would be able to handle it better than I am. I have to take each day hour by hour.  I don't know what to do because everything I did everyday was to help her, now I have all this time and I feel lost and numb, she was my best friend and my life was her. This is the worst pain I have ever felt and sometimes I don't think I can handle going on... Please if anyone has any advice on how to get through this or words of wisdom I would greatly appreciate it. ❤️

[EmmaO21]

Hi Jneane,

I am so sorry for your loss... and I am so sorry for your pain... I lost my father in December and it is his birthday tomorrow. The pain is excruciating and I don't know how I've managed to get out of bed on most days, but I know that that's what he would have wanted for me. I want to say your wound is still very fresh, but it feels very fresh to me too even though it has been 7 months... there have been some good days and some awful ones. Sometimes I cry out of the blue and sometimes I laugh. It's really just very confusing, but grief is non linear. I think once you accept that there will be waves then it will be a little less difficult to deal with it.

Just whatever you do, do know that your mom is near you. I feel my dad around me all the time... he has helped me so much and I know he is my guardian angel. I am sure your mom is yours too. You will find signs of her if you keep a close eye. For now I hope this forum brings you some solace.

[reader]

Dear Jneane,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss. Please know you are not alone. I was extremely raw after my dad passed and felt as you did. It was so hard. I cried an ocean of tears the first year and half. Know that everyone grieves differently and there is no right way or wrong way. I tried everything from counselling, support groups, art classes, online support groups, reading and writing. My counsellor told me on average it takes about 18 months for the pain to lessen. I hope you can lean on dear friends and family. Keep taking it day by day and be gentle and kind to yourself. We are here with you. (((hugs)))

[Valerie Lockhart]

Dear Jneane,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can truly relate to your experience. I too lived with my mother and took care of her. I too was in my early fifties and did not have any children. The first few months, I would awaken from my sleep thinking my mother was calling me. I tried to keep busy to take my mind off of things. I also donated her medical equipment to needy individuals or non-profit organizations. It took me three years to donate her shoes and clothes. My mom was a shopaholic and had tons of new shoes and clothes. Some with the tags still on them. Giving to those less fortunate helped me too. Also, the Bible has been a tremendous help to me. For example, one of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 34:18, which says: “Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted.” Another is Hebrews 13:6, which says: “Jehovah is my helper; I will not be afraid.” I've learned that through his Kingdom, Jehovah will soon end the suffering of each individual. (Matthew 6:9, 10) In the meantime, he tenderly comforts those who sincerely look for him.—Acts 17:27; 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4. Reading the bible regularly has helped me tremendously and learning about the hope of a resurrection onto a paradise earth. My mom held the same hope, and it encourages me as well. My the God of comfort grant you peace and walk beside you during this difficult time.

[Jneane]

11 hours ago, EmmaO21 said:

Hi Jneane,

I am so sorry for your loss... and I am so sorry for your pain... I lost my father in December and it is his birthday tomorrow. The pain is excruciating and I don't know how I've managed to get out of bed on most days, but I know that that's what he would have wanted for me. I want to say your wound is still very fresh, but it feels very fresh to me too even though it has been 7 months... there have been some good days and some awful ones. Sometimes I cry out of the blue and sometimes I laugh. It's really just very confusing, but grief is non linear. I think once you accept that there will be waves then it will be a little less difficult to deal with it.

Just whatever you do, do know that your mom is near you. I feel my dad around me all the time... he has helped me so much and I know he is my guardian angel. I am sure your mom is yours too. You will find signs of her if you keep a close eye. For now I hope this forum brings you some solace.

I am very sorry for your loss also.... Thank you so much for giving some hope and letting me know I am not alone.  Sometimes I feel that way. I am trying to be strong for my kids who live with me too, but its hard not to just break down. ❤️

[Jneane]

11 hours ago, reader said:

Dear Jneane,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss. Please know you are not alone. I was extremely raw after my dad passed and felt as you did. It was so hard. I cried an ocean of tears the first year and half. Know that everyone grieves differently and there is no right way or wrong way. I tried everything from counselling, support groups, art classes, online support groups, reading and writing. My counsellor told me on average it takes about 18 months for the pain to lessen. I hope you can lean on dear friends and family. Keep taking it day by day and be gentle and kind to yourself. We are here with you. (((hugs)))

Thank you so much for your words... I truly appreciate it. Yesterday was a very hard day, I don't think I have any tears left, but today so far seem a little better. ❤️ 

[Jneane]

On 7/4/2022 at 9:36 AM, Valerie Lockhart said:

Dear Jneane,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can truly relate to your experience. I too lived with my mother and took care of her. I too was in my early fifties and did not have any children. The first few months, I would awaken from my sleep thinking my mother was calling me. I tried to keep busy to take my mind off of things. I also donated her medical equipment to needy individuals or non-profit organizations. It took me three years to donate her shoes and clothes. My mom was a shopaholic and had tons of new shoes and clothes. Some with the tags still on them. Giving to those less fortunate helped me too. Also, the Bible has been a tremendous help to me. For example, one of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 34:18, which says: “Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted.” Another is Hebrews 13:6, which says: “Jehovah is my helper; I will not be afraid.” I've learned that through his Kingdom, Jehovah will soon end the suffering of each individual. (Matthew 6:9, 10) In the meantime, he tenderly comforts those who sincerely look for him.—Acts 17:27; 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4. Reading the bible regularly has helped me tremendously and learning about the hope of a resurrection onto a paradise earth. My mom held the same hope, and it encourages me as well. My the God of comfort grant you peace and walk beside you during this difficult time.

Thank you so much for your kind words, it means more than you know. ❤️

[Jneane]

I just wanted to say to the people who have reached out and responded, "thank you", from the bottom of my heart ❤️ You have made me feel that I am not alone and have given me some hope that this pain will fade over time.  It has been a week already but feels like it just happened yesterday.  I have days where I feel like this is just a dream and I am waiting to wake up, then some days are so painful that I feel "how can I make it another day like this"... It is so hard living in this house, where everything, including the food reminds me about a memory of her. I have noticed getting out of the house for a little bit helps me to disconnect from the whole situation and I feel I can breathe again. Did that help anyone too?  My son and I went to see a movie for my birthday last night, I had to force myself to leave the house.... I am glad I did, I felt a little normal again.  

[Lucklucks711]

I would like to say you have my deepest sympathy hun I too know exactly what you are going through, what to do with your day now and all the thoughts keep rushing to your head and a million and one different should have and could haves. I'd like to say it gets easier but I haven't found a way yet and my mother who I took care of and lived with "temporarily" passed away February 20th of covid pneumonia and I am still just as lost as I was the day she was admitted into the hospital, I can say that each person grieves differently and my genuine hope is for you to be able push through this fog that I seem to be in... I know it seems like it's just a bad dream that you'll wake up from but it won't end and that's just honesty I have to be able to accept it that's something I struggle with on a daily basis. The only comfort I have seen at all is the embrace and time spent with my husband and the few messages between my sister and myself. It hurts just as bad today as it did the day she died for me and the uncertainty of the things left behind has kept me reeling. Try to be as educated about her things as possible so you aren't thrown for a loop ie: her car, finances and last wishes it's been tough absolutely the hardest thing I'm still coping with as we speak now just know you're not alone in this, there are people just like you going through the same thing that can reach out to you. I hope this helps you in any way to get through this long journey of grief. 

Best Wishes,

Cyndi

[Jneane]

On 7/7/2022 at 9:00 AM, Lucklucks711 said:

I would like to say you have my deepest sympathy hun I too know exactly what you are going through, what to do with your day now and all the thoughts keep rushing to your head and a million and one different should have and could haves. I'd like to say it gets easier but I haven't found a way yet and my mother who I took care of and lived with "temporarily" passed away February 20th of covid pneumonia and I am still just as lost as I was the day she was admitted into the hospital, I can say that each person grieves differently and my genuine hope is for you to be able push through this fog that I seem to be in... I know it seems like it's just a bad dream that you'll wake up from but it won't end and that's just honesty I have to be able to accept it that's something I struggle with on a daily basis. The only comfort I have seen at all is the embrace and time spent with my husband and the few messages between my sister and myself. It hurts just as bad today as it did the day she died for me and the uncertainty of the things left behind has kept me reeling. Try to be as educated about her things as possible so you aren't thrown for a loop ie: her car, finances and last wishes it's been tough absolutely the hardest thing I'm still coping with as we speak now just know you're not alone in this, there are people just like you going through the same thing that can reach out to you. I hope this helps you in any way to get through this long journey of grief. 

Best Wishes,

Cyndi

Cyndi, thank you for your words and letting me know your story, you have my deepest sympathy too... Somedays I do not think I get through another day, then the day comes and goes, and I still feel as if it just happened.  I have noticed I get so angry at the doctor who did the procedure on my mom, because she still would be here if she hadn't gotten it, he wasn't her normal cardiologist. but I know I cannot dwell on it; it will only make things worse.  Sometimes I wish I can just sleep for a year, so I don't have to feel all this pain.  I am so glad I found this place; it really does help a little.  I wish you and everyone here going through this grief, that somehow, we all find a little tiny bit of peace ❤️

[Hope4all]

Jneane, I’m sorry for your loss. I haven’t lost my mom yet but it will happen soon and I’m scared of feeling that pain. Grief is love with no where to go. I try to look at it like there is a purpose for everyone and a reason that things happen the way they do. We may not know what it is until we die ourselves and it doesn’t seem fair but we carry on knowing we were loved and some believe- I do- that we will see them again. Life will definitely be different but take everything a day at a time, hour at a time, minute at a time. Be love to someone else that needs it. Just hang on and the storm will pass and the sun will shine again. You will find your way. 

[Oyin]

On 7/4/2022 at 5:36 PM, Valerie Lockhart said:

Dear Jneane,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can truly relate to your experience. I too lived with my mother and took care of her. I too was in my early fifties and did not have any children. The first few months, I would awaken from my sleep thinking my mother was calling me. I tried to keep busy to take my mind off of things. I also donated her medical equipment to needy individuals or non-profit organizations. It took me three years to donate her shoes and clothes. My mom was a shopaholic and had tons of new shoes and clothes. Some with the tags still on them. Giving to those less fortunate helped me too. Also, the Bible has been a tremendous help to me. For example, one of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 34:18, which says: “Jehovah is close to the brokenhearted.” Another is Hebrews 13:6, which says: “Jehovah is my helper; I will not be afraid.” I've learned that through his Kingdom, Jehovah will soon end the suffering of each individual. (Matthew 6:9, 10) In the meantime, he tenderly comforts those who sincerely look for him.—Acts 17:27; 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4. Reading the bible regularly has helped me tremendously and learning about the hope of a resurrection onto a paradise earth. My mom held the same hope, and it encourages me as well. My the God of comfort grant you peace and walk beside you during this difficult time.

Valerie. Thank you so much. This really helped me. Lost my mom last week July 6. The pain is so raw.

On 7/4/2022 at 12:27 AM, Jneane said:

My mom passed away 5 days ago and I am a really hard time dealing with the loss.  I have lived with her with my 2 kids for the past 14 years (which was only supposed to be temporary) and the last 5 years I have been pretty much her caregiver.  I am going to be 55 in a couple of days and thought being older I would be able to handle it better than I am. I have to take each day hour by hour.  I don't know what to do because everything I did everyday was to help her, now I have all this time and I feel lost and numb, she was my best friend and my life was her. This is the worst pain I have ever felt and sometimes I don't think I can handle going on... Please if anyone has any advice on how to get through this or words of wisdom I would greatly appreciate it. ❤️

Hello Jneane. I am going through the same now. Sudden loss of my mother on July 6. I pray we find the much needed peace and comfort at this time. Amen