Loss of 2 Family Members and Numbness

[ameliaback]

So this is my first post on here, and I'm hoping that this will be helpfulk and therapuetic for me. I guess I should start by explaining why I'm here and the 2 major losses I've had recently:

Back in 2005 I lost my brother due to diabetes complications which caused him to have a heart attack. Over the past 6 years I have greived and have had a very difficult time with his loss. He was my older brother, we had a tough relationship, but I loved him more than anything and I know he loved me as well. The circumstances of his death were extremely difficult to deal with as well, he had passed away in his apartment but it wasn't until 5 days later after I called the police that his body was found. This was my first major death that I had to deal with. I understand that people loose grandparents, etc...but in my mind and having lost all of my Grandparents before and after his death I still maintain the feeling that this is one of the most difficult losses a person can go through. One of the reasons was because of the circumstances, but also he was very young still - only 35 and I was 24 at the time. He had no partner in life, no children, and had finally just began getting his life together. I feel as though I'm babbling so I guess I'll explain the greif that I desalt with - up until his birthday this past July 4th, i was unable to move past his loss. It was almost as though there was still a mixture of anger, disbelief, and pure saddness. I missed my brother, I missed who he could have been, I missed family holidays and that person that just "gets" your family like no one else. But when my now fiance somewhat forced to me to get out of the house and actualy participate in the 4th of July (my Brothers Bday) I actually started to heal. I didn't cry so often, and I didn't feel guilty about starting to move on with my life, I missed him but I felt more at peace with everything.

Then 2 months later my Dad died unexpectedly of a heart attack....He was 62 years old, one of the strongest and most intelligent person I knew and it was beyond words. The funeral, the wake, the hospital going to see him - none of it seemed real. It felt like I was reliving a nightmare that I had finally just woken up from a couple months back. And thats where I am now, I can't seem to grieve properly. Its not that I expect to spin out of control and go on for another 6 years grieving, but I feel completely numb.

theres was a lot that that went on at the time of my Dad's death, my fiance had surger and was sick, we got engaged, and of course - the family drama that always goes hand in hand with death. I've taken some time off from work to try to "cope" with this, and to find my emotions again, but I just can't seem to brin more than a tear here and there to the surface. I think that I haven't accepted it yet. And even with the help of a very pushy therapist who is trying to force my emotions out as well it just doesn't help....

Is there anyone out there who has been in a similar situation and who has advice on what to do or anything? I feel like I am the worst daughter in the world and as though my not grienving is dissprespectul to my father and his memory...

Thank you.

[V-teach]

So this is my first post on here, and I'm hoping that this will be helpfulk and therapuetic for me. I guess I should start by explaining why I'm here and the 2 major losses I've had recently:

Back in 2005 I lost my brother due to diabetes complications which caused him to have a heart attack. Over the past 6 years I have greived and have had a very difficult time with his loss. He was my older brother, we had a tough relationship, but I loved him more than anything and I know he loved me as well. The circumstances of his death were extremely difficult to deal with as well, he had passed away in his apartment but it wasn't until 5 days later after I called the police that his body was found. This was my first major death that I had to deal with. I understand that people loose grandparents, etc...but in my mind and having lost all of my Grandparents before and after his death I still maintain the feeling that this is one of the most difficult losses a person can go through. One of the reasons was because of the circumstances, but also he was very young still - only 35 and I was 24 at the time. He had no partner in life, no children, and had finally just began getting his life together. I feel as though I'm babbling so I guess I'll explain the greif that I desalt with - up until his birthday this past July 4th, i was unable to move past his loss. It was almost as though there was still a mixture of anger, disbelief, and pure saddness. I missed my brother, I missed who he could have been, I missed family holidays and that person that just "gets" your family like no one else. But when my now fiance somewhat forced to me to get out of the house and actualy participate in the 4th of July (my Brothers Bday) I actually started to heal. I didn't cry so often, and I didn't feel guilty about starting to move on with my life, I missed him but I felt more at peace with everything.

Then 2 months later my Dad died unexpectedly of a heart attack....He was 62 years old, one of the strongest and most intelligent person I knew and it was beyond words. The funeral, the wake, the hospital going to see him - none of it seemed real. It felt like I was reliving a nightmare that I had finally just woken up from a couple months back. And thats where I am now, I can't seem to grieve properly. Its not that I expect to spin out of control and go on for another 6 years grieving, but I feel completely numb.

theres was a lot that that went on at the time of my Dad's death, my fiance had surger and was sick, we got engaged, and of course - the family drama that always goes hand in hand with death. I've taken some time off from work to try to "cope" with this, and to find my emotions again, but I just can't seem to brin more than a tear here and there to the surface. I think that I haven't accepted it yet. And even with the help of a very pushy therapist who is trying to force my emotions out as well it just doesn't help....

Is there anyone out there who has been in a similar situation and who has advice on what to do or anything? I feel like I am the worst daughter in the world and as though my not grienving is dissprespectul to my father and his memory...

Thank you.

Hi, I am very sorry for your losses. As far as the no crying goes though, I was told that just because you don't shed a tear does NOT mean that you are not grieving, or that you are not crying inside. You do what is right for you and don't worry about what others say. I am not much of a crier, and I got tired of that issue with others too. I have finally been able to let some go, but it feels wrong, I just don't cry. I feel like I am dying inside, but the tears don't really come. I try not to let it bother me. Don't worry, if it is going to come, it will. Your Dad knows how you feel. Take care.