Losing my 2nd Mom

[nikkihayes]

I lost my "2nd mom" or my aunt last April 2022. I lost her before my 23rd birthday just last month and it has been so difficult ever since then. She basically raised me when my actual mom was diagnosed with cancer back when i was only 7 years old. My aunt has been my rock throughout everything in my life and almost everyday since she has passed just gets worse. I do have some good days but when it gets late at night and I'm alone with my thoughts, I just end up triggering myself thinking about her and how much I miss her. I end up crying the whole night and I just force myself to think about other things and basically try to be "numb". My dad has also passed away last 2020 which made me incredibly sad and devastated but my aunt's death just hits a million times worse. My actual mom is still alive and I'm very grateful for that but the bond I had with my aunt...i can't even put it into words. She was my person, my everything. I'm so riled up with emotions of anger, devastation, desperation and longing to go back to the past, but I know I can't. It's been about 2 months since she passed and by this time I thought I would be a bit more healed but I'm definitely not. Reading other people's posts on here is quite comforting though, and it makes me feel like I'm not alone. But I can't escape the heaviness and pain in my heart right now...it feels so heavy and I feel nauseous every time I break down over her passing. Thank you to whoever read this till the end. Hoping to hear some advice from anyone, thank you.  

[reader]

Dear Nikki,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please know everything you are feeling and thinking is natural and normal. Grief is a long journey. My counsellor told me on average it takes 18 months to feel better but it could be longer or shorter. Always know there is no right way or wrong way to grieve.

It's been almost 6 years for me and I still struggle.

Please know we are with you.