Tired of people telling me to "meditate" and use "calm" to heal my grief

[Sydney12]

Hi all, 

My dad passed away unexpectedly in December 2021 and after the initial shock, I started feeling deep grief with then turned into anxiety (also driven by work and the probate process). Every single time I speak to someone or seek advice on how to deal with all this I get the following advice:

• Meditate to feel better
• Use the Calm app to clear my mind
• Ask the doctor for anxiety pills (as a matter of fact, a doctor suggested I take pills 3 weeks after my dad's death)

None of the above heal grief. When people reach out to seek support or advice, it's anything but helpful to suggest these "remedies" because they do not heal grief. I am absolutely tired of people thinking heartache from life-altering events can be healed with pills or new age methods. 

Am I the only one experiencing this?

Thanks.

[reader]

Hi Sydney,

I am sorry for your loss. I know many of us feel the same way and it is incredibly hard dealing with the passing of a parent.  People mean well but it does come across as unhelpful and insensitive. 

For myself, I tried so many things because I felt so raw.  One counsellor said it could take 18 months to 24 months for people to feel better or it could take 10 years. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. It's been almost 6 years and I still feel unsettled being on this earth without my dad. I found this forum offered me a lot of compassion and support and that has meant the world to me.

Thinking of you. 

[Juliakatharine98]

I agree honestly. 4 days ago I lost my mother to suicide. She was an amazing woman and had a heart of gold. Losing your mother at age 23 is an unexplainable, completely heart wrenching feeling and experience. When she died a part of me died too. I have been getting messages saying "just keep your mind busy, stay strong, you'll get through this" well honestly I don't believe that. I'm also sick of hearing all these remedies that won't help. I really don't think I'll ever be able to feel better. My mom was my rock and world and now she's gone I feel like my heart has been ripped out and destroyed. It's just unreal. 
 

Sending you hugs 💛

[Daddys girl kw]

hi sydney 

i lost my dad a month ago , this forum helped a lot with the heaviness of my heart , it’s always easier to say exactly how you feel to strangers, oh my god no meditation will not make my grief go away nor calmness or what ever , for me first the sadness hit me hard didn’t go through me like waves hitting rocks , then it went through me waves of sadness , oh i don’t even know how many times i screamed in my car driving to his house may he rest in peace, just please don’t harm yourself or others, but do what make you cope with sadness , everyone of us is different, how we grief and how we find peace , i hope you will find peace in your heart soon with accepting your grief . sorry for your loss honey i know believe me i do , hugs

[Traz]

Hi Sydney12,

I saw a therapist a long time ago and my dad was dying at the time. The most important thing he told me was "You must continue to feel."

And that meant allowing the grief to hit me, permeate me, in all it's discomfort and pain and the near hysteria at times. It was through all of the pain and allowing it, that I began to heal. 

My Dad died over 20 years ago and I still cry and miss him terribly. But the grief doesn't make me feel like Im on the edge of an abyss any more.

I hope this helps. Xo.