My cat and best friend of 12 years is being euthanized in a few hours

[Xkoison]

My cat Gannica has been with me since I was about 6/7 years old and I am 18 now. I am terrified that a mistake is being made even though logically I know this is what has to happen.

She is in kidney failure and was diagnosed 3 months ago and within the last week her health has declined and she has lost an alarming amount of weight. The reason I'm afraid a mistake is being made is because about 4 years ago she was taken to the emergency vet and they said she had to be put down and that she was in kidney failure, I decided to bring her home for one more day so my dad could say goodbye and they gave her iv fluids and she seemingly completely went back to normal. Of course I now know her kidneys have been in bad shape this whole time as I have learned cats can live in kidney failure for years and seemingly be fine.

I have regrets about not being educated about kidney care back then and feel like if she had been on medication and a kidney care diet she may have lived longer. 

I have regrets about how I treated her as a child as I wasn't very disciplined and basically just treated her like a toy. Although that was many years ago and she was not physically harmed from my actions I still feel extreme guilt over this.

She still has an appetite and is drinking water, and yesterday got IV fluid and just from the weight of the fluids alone she almost looks normal but I know she is suffering. 

I am also afraid that since she is so alert and is very anxious around people that the vet that is going to have a hard time doing it (the vet is doing an in house service as I did not want her last day to be at the clinic)

 

She is my only friend besides my long distance relationship and I want to make the right decision for her so she wont be in any more pain but I really feel like I won't be able to continue on without her. I have depression and a complete lack of motivation in life and I cannot see myself moving past this.

I can't imagine silence instead of hearing her mew for water whenever I go near a sink or chirp as she runs to keep up with my walk or hearing her pitter patter to me whenever a bag is opened because she thinks its time for treats. I have a therapist but I honestly don't think she will be much help with this sort of thing.

 

[magicmiriam]

https://pettao.com/kidney-failure-in-cats-knowing-right-time-to-euthanize/

 

[foreverhis]

@magicmiriam  What a wonderful and thoughtful link.  It's really informative and frankly, most of us pet people will likely need to refer to it at some point along the way with one sweetheart or another.

5 hours ago, Xkoison said:

I have regrets about how I treated her as a child as I wasn't very disciplined and basically just treated her like a toy. Although that was many years ago and she was not physically harmed from my actions I still feel extreme guilt over this.

Please try to remind yourself (though I suspect you already do) that you were a young child.  Learning to truly love and care for a pet is a process, especially for children.  That she was not physically harmed and that you did in fact learn to love and care for her as a treasured family member speaks very well of you as a person, IMO.  I won't tell you to stop feeling guilty because that minimizes your emotions.  I will ask you to try to remember that feeling guilty doesn't actually mean we are guilty.  Please think about the many years you had with her and how the two of you grew together.

5 hours ago, Xkoison said:

but I know she is suffering.

Obviously, I don't know her, but that you see her suffering and don't want her to continue to get worse makes me think that you've thought it through.  It's amazing that she thrived after her first kidney issues 4 years ago.  I'm so glad you had that time with her.

5 hours ago, Xkoison said:

I have regrets about not being educated about kidney care back then and feel like if she had been on medication and a kidney care diet she may have lived longer. 

Of course you look back with "20/20 hindsight" and think about what you might have done.  But before you blame yourself, please consider that it's the vets who we (and our pets) rely on to give us direction.  Once you saw she was doing better, it would seem natural that you would think she was better.  How would you know otherwise?  I don't mean this in a superficial way at all:  We only know what we know.  It's the professionals who should help educate us or at least, urge us to educate ourselves.

5 hours ago, Xkoison said:

I am also afraid that since she is so alert and is very anxious around people that the vet that is going to have a hard time doing it (the vet is doing an in house service as I did not want her last day to be at the clinic)

I suspect I'm too late with this, but I believe that as long as you are there comforting her, loving her, and helping her be calm, she will respond to it.  And even if I am too late with this, remember that she left this world for the Rainbow Bridge knowing only love and knowing that you love her enough to help lift her up out of her suffering, even though you know your heart is shattered.  Gifting our beloved pets that way is the ultimate act of love.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  You have found a wonderful place to be.  The members here understand, do not judge as we try to comfort and help each other through this painful journey.  It's the hardest thing in the world, but deep grief means that we were lucky enough to have found deep love. ((HUGS))

[DLeonard]

What is going on exactly ?  Not clear about the vets info to you.is. How do you know she is suffering,is that what the vet told you? I've been thru this many times before and

just want  to understand what is being said. I use an animal communicator and 2 different  types of vets.I .Can you give me more info. ,...if you want. I beat myself up

constantly on this subject,so  I don't want you to do this to yourself.

[KayC]

17 hours ago, Xkoison said:

She is in kidney failure and was diagnosed 3 months ago and within the last week her health has declined and she has lost an alarming amount of weight.

My 25 1/2 year old Kitty's kidneys and liver shut down, thyroid issues can be treated but not this, I had to have her euthanized.  It's the kindest thing to do for them.  Kitty was very much suffering, you could tell it, I knew her through and through.  She needed and wanted rest.  She'd lost  from 9 lbs to 4 1/2.  She wasn't happy.

I knew when she turned down Easy Cheese...she'd always demanded it.

I am so sorry you are going through this, I hope you'll update us on how everything went and how YOU are doing.  It's rough I know.