I'm not coping

[1050_harley]

The day I lost my wife was the day I died. There is nothing worse than sitting beside your loved one and watching the light go out in their eyes and you find yourself looking in shock at a lifeless body in front of you knowing that it's too late now that person is gone soon the realization hits you in the face you'll never hear their voice again you'll never see their smile or hear their laughter you'll never get to hold them again. My heart is truly broken there is no amount of help or drugs/therapy that can bring her back to me yes I understand it's a grieving situation but I was extremely close to my wife and we went to bed happy the night she died to all of a sudden wake up to her dying on the bathroom floor at 3:30 am. It's not normal I have questions I'm confused I'm broken and tormented I'm glad i woke up though it was either me or her 4 year old son would have found her dead the next morning.  I just still cannot wrap my head around it. I'm lost without her and I hate it... I know I can never ever again have attachment to anyone in fear of losing them I'll never feel the power of love on my lips again because I'm afraid and I'll never love again. The 5 years with my wife were the best 5 years of my life being a husband being dad to her beautiful 3 children...my life was stripped away from me in a blink of an eye...I hate life it is not fair I want my wife to come back to me I want to wake up from the horrible nightmare I cry myself to sleep every night after I say a prayer to her but nothing is helping me cope with this I am not saying goodbye to my wife I refuse to. I'm sorry if it sounds selfish I just I can't. I want every day to be my last but I'm too much of a coward for suicide so all I do is hope I die in my sleep. No human should have to greatly stuffer after a loss however I do know it is apart of life.

[Grief forward]

Oh how my heart aches for YOUR heartache.  What a true, honest, vulnerable testament of love, love and loss. All I can say is that the grief is equal to the love. Your love was a unique unbreakable bond. The questions. The anger. The "what ifs". The confusion. The numbness. The lonliness. The "why's". .....Are smothering at times, i am sure....please be gentle with your grief process. IT SUCKS! Listen to your body...grief effects our health in a behind the scene fashion. Journal...write letters to her ( did and mailed them to heaven with no return address). I believe our loved one(s) is with us and show signs....if we pay attention....your/her children are lucky to have you. Please always reach out. You can join my community at facebook.com/griefforward also on tumblr, and griefforwardblog.wordpress.com  Thank you for sharing your love story with me. Jill ADMIN Grief Forward 

[Delgado]

I know how you feel. My partner died in December, 2021. Cancer. And I am just PIST!!!! He was my best friend. Life IS unfair. And I also am too much of a coward for suicide. But every single day I leave my house, I pray a runaway train or truck will kill me. Put me out of my misery. I cry all the time. Work has been a blessing. It keeps my mind occupied. But at the end of the day, here I am alone and wondering how to start over at 49 years old. I can't imagine doing this with young children in the mix as well. I will pray for you every day. I hope you find peace. Preferably in life. XOXO

[reader]

Thinking of you all. x