To This Day

[TAM1]

To this day I continue to feel the very great and deep loss of Len, my dog Missy, my home. A time of 20 years when I felt safe with Len, in our home, with our lives, with Molly and then Missy. And things have changed so much (as they will) but I just remember how safe I was in that world that I won't forget and perhaps it won't forget me. After watching the light leave Len's eyes so long ago, I stood back and my thought was, "My life is over."  And there was a time in February 2020 that I felt I had reached a point when I could move ahead - I could feel that. Then my son's wife left him for another man, another life, leaving him with two small children to care for (2 and 4 years old), taking major financial support with her and heaping damage, and continuing to do so. I made the decision to step in and help in every way and in the process hurt myself emotionally and financially. These are decisions one makes knowing there will be a price to pay and I committed myself which I continue to do. They are doing so well, he and the boys - the youngest potty trained finally and one starts 2nd grade in the fall and the other starts kindergarten. As a single dad, he's done such a magnificent job. There are still needs, big ones and I pray about these daily. Myself, I am working and have a good job and that is what I have, and I have a decent place to live, I'm also a believer in good things, in the impossible and I can't help but be that way as I've seen things come through. But this time has taken me beyond myself and of myself and I feel damaged and do without quite a lot. Just got home from work and broke down - no one sees this and I have not come to this site, here, in a long time. 

[tnd]

6 hours ago, TAM1 said:

I'm also a believer in good things, in the impossible and I can't help but be that way as I've seen things come through.

I am sorry for your pain and the difficulties you are going through. Seems our worries and the stress that comes with that is never-ending. You certainly have a lot on your plate; grandkids, your son and your job. That's a lot to shoulder without having a break. I don't think having a meltdown or a breakdown to cry would be out of the ordinary. We may not want others to see it or we lack a support network but regardless, we still have the need to release. We all do. Keep in mind, your son and grandchildren may not be doing so well if it weren't for your help. Keep your eye on the prize and try not to deny yourself a good cry on occasion or a reward in the form of giving some time to yourself. This site saved me and continues to be here for all my ranting, raving and cry sessions. Otherwise, I haven't any support. Hope you keep posting. Take care. 

[KayC]

@TAM1 Getting to know you here has been such a pleasure, I treasure you and your friendship...but I sure wish none of us ever had cause to be here...it's inevitable I think.  We've both lost our husbands and our dogs.  We live in totally different areas (you in a bustling city, me in the country) but can relate.  

Love you, dear friend!

4 hours ago, tnd said:

Keep in mind, your son and grandchildren may not be doing so well if it weren't for your help. Keep your eye on the prize and try not to deny yourself a good cry on occasion or a reward in the form of giving some time to yourself.

Sound!

[Gail 8588]

@TAM1

Welcome back, I remember you also.  You and I both lost our husband's in 2017. 

I am so sorry you have had to deal with so much over these past 5 years.  My challenges have been different than yours of course, but I too long for that feeling of safety, security and love that was always present when my husband was alive. Five years later I still cry sometimes.  But mostly I am happy to see my grandsons grow up. 

Life is so much harder now

than it was when my sweetheart was with me, but life is good once again. I am glad I have been able to help my son's family through Covid.  It's been a strange 2 years.  

I'm glad you came back to share your struggles with us.  It sounds like you have had a tremendous lot to push through. But you have done it!  You can be very proud of all you have accomplished.  Don't begrudge yourself a good cry now and again.

Good to hear from you! 

Gail