It's been 2 years but sometimes it feels like the days after

[dark_phoebe]

My mother died on 03/20/2020 and I can remember it was like yesterday and during that year of horror I was numb sure I cried but it was nothing like it is now. Now 2 years later I feel as if I cannot breath like I'm stuck in a rabbet hole, forever falling but never reaching a bottom. Now all of it is coming back (not the days after I don't remember anything, according to my dad I slept a lot during those days) but the feeling that had been lost all the hurt and pain. I am graduating in a few weeks and she is not going to be there that's the thing that consumes my thoughts all I want is to sleep.  

[Ksbe]

I am so sorry. You sound just tortured by grief. Loss is so freaking hard. It's ok to feel it is not fair. It isnt. I am so sorry for the hurt you feel. 

[Jen H]

It's totally understandable for you to feel like this even after two years.  You have accomplished something in life and having your mother be there to see and celebrate it is such a special thing.  I lost my mom and dad fourteen and twelve years ago but times like holidays still hurt my heart deeply without them.  The grief for someone that was such an important and special part of our lives I don't think ever goes away.  We just learn to live with it the best we can.  Hopefully you have other people in your life to support and be there for you to cheer you on at graduation and through the future.  You managed to graduate through this loss so it seems you are a strong person and doing the right things for yourself.  Keep it up.  You can get through this.  

 

[reader]

Dear Phoebe,

It's so hard to lose a beloved parent. It's only normal to feel this way and wishing your mom was there to celebrate this milestone. 

Thinking of you.