My story of coping with grief

[Trinmo]

Hi there,

I'm not exactly sure why I have joined this forum. Perhaps I just need to be around other people who have had the experience of grieving. I yearn to tell my story but find that most people find it quite confronting when I do talk about it. It is such a part of my story now, that when i meet someone, like a new work friend, it feels like you are hiding something from them by not telling them, but you don't want to tell them and make them feel like they need to feel sorry for you. Anyway, here goes...

I lost my brother Dylan 4 years ago. He was 19. I am 16 years older and I was there when he was born and took his first breath. I spent a lot of time over the years caring for him like he was my own and feel like I have lost more than just a baby brother. I am married and have two boys of my own, now 13 and 6.

The evening before my brother died, he was out at a party doing what a lot of teenagers do, drinking and he took some Ecstasy. He and a friend left and went to a building site near by close to where they lived. Some of the local kids would go and hang out there to drink and pass the time throwing rocks in the murky water that had filled the big hole in the ground.

He and his friend took some more Ecstasy at about 10:00am in the morning and not long after, my brother started shaking and convulsing. The friend he was with left him and went to get friends who lived around the corner. When they got back to find him, he was missing so they presumed he had gone home.

When he didn't come home or ring on Saturday my mum rang around his friends and after long questioning, was told that they had last seen him at the building site. My mum and dad went there on Saturday night with a torch, but couldn't see anything. They rang every person he knew and contacted the police that evening to see what they could do. It was Monday morning when the police sent a group of police divers into the water on the building site and found my brothers body.

These past 4 years has been incredibly difficult. In the first few years I suffered from depression and started having episodes of anxiety and panic attacks. I sought counselling over two years, which was invaluable, and have read many books about coping with grief. While I am coping well now, my family is forever changed. It had a profound effect on my son, who was 9 at the time and has also suffered from episodes of panic and anxiety. My parents are amazing and have come through OK but we are all scarred. Even with all the counselling, I still have times where I panic and imagine losing one of my kids.

When I hear a young person has died on the evening news, I cry for the pain that their family and friends are going through and I still have vivid memories of the moments that I was taken out from work and told of his death. As a family, we have become stronger. We have stayed in contact with his closest friends and we have all let each other grieve in our own ways. We have all held onto things of Dylan that give us comfort and have our own little rituals that help us remember him and keep him in our lives. I still think about him every day.

Thanks for letting me share my story

regards

Trinmo

[ModKonnie]

Hi there,

I'm not exactly sure why I have joined this forum. Perhaps I just need to be around other people who have had the experience of grieving. I yearn to tell my story but find that most people find it quite confronting when I do talk about it. It is such a part of my story now, that when i meet someone, like a new work friend, it feels like you are hiding something from them by not telling them, but you don't want to tell them and make them feel like they need to feel sorry for you. Anyway, here goes...

I lost my brother Dylan 4 years ago. He was 19. I am 16 years older and I was there when he was born and took his first breath. I spent a lot of time over the years caring for him like he was my own and feel like I have lost more than just a baby brother. I am married and have two boys of my own, now 13 and 6.

The evening before my brother died, he was out at a party doing what a lot of teenagers do, drinking and he took some Ecstasy. He and a friend left and went to a building site near by close to where they lived. Some of the local kids would go and hang out there to drink and pass the time throwing rocks in the murky water that had filled the big hole in the ground.

He and his friend took some more Ecstasy at about 10:00am in the morning and not long after, my brother started shaking and convulsing. The friend he was with left him and went to get friends who lived around the corner. When they got back to find him, he was missing so they presumed he had gone home.

When he didn't come home or ring on Saturday my mum rang around his friends and after long questioning, was told that they had last seen him at the building site. My mum and dad went there on Saturday night with a torch, but couldn't see anything. They rang every person he knew and contacted the police that evening to see what they could do. It was Monday morning when the police sent a group of police divers into the water on the building site and found my brothers body.

These past 4 years has been incredibly difficult. In the first few years I suffered from depression and started having episodes of anxiety and panic attacks. I sought counselling over two years, which was invaluable, and have read many books about coping with grief. While I am coping well now, my family is forever changed. It had a profound effect on my son, who was 9 at the time and has also suffered from episodes of panic and anxiety. My parents are amazing and have come through OK but we are all scarred. Even with all the counselling, I still have times where I panic and imagine losing one of my kids.

When I hear a young person has died on the evening news, I cry for the pain that their family and friends are going through and I still have vivid memories of the moments that I was taken out from work and told of his death. As a family, we have become stronger. We have stayed in contact with his closest friends and we have all let each other grieve in our own ways. We have all held onto things of Dylan that give us comfort and have our own little rituals that help us remember him and keep him in our lives. I still think about him every day.

Thanks for letting me share my story

regards

Trinmo

Trinmo,

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry about the loss of your brother. What a tragic situation, but unfortunately, you are right in that this happens all the time.

I lost my brother in a car wreck when I was 14. While it was years ago, it changed my family forever. I do have some emotional issues because of the experience, but for the most part, we all moved forward with our lives and my parents eventually learned to laugh and have fun again.

That's nice that you have remained friends with your brother's closest friends. To this day, my brother's friends still visit my mother (and it's been over 30 years).

ModKonnie