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Lost my Big Brother


verysadsis

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My wonderful brother at the age of 54 was diagnosed in August with a aggressive sarcoma cancer. He died 44 days later. During those 44 days his first concern was all his family. His wife, 3 children, our parents, our brother and myself. He was a kind, loving, funny man. He was a beloved pediatrician, in our community. The outpouring of support, love, grief in our local community was overwhelming and very much appreciated. It was very surreal but during those few weeks I was able to spend quality time with him, talk about serious subjects and not so serous subjects. He had an incredible faith and his faith substained us during this time frame.I am grateful to have had that time and in his last day we all were able to say good bye. He was not in pain and he knew us. He responded back to our "I love you's". I will treasure that time. Knowing he is pain free is a comfort. His cancer went to the bone which was terrible.

Now to move forward with out him in our family dynanics seems so impossible -- but I know we must... All our family is dealing with the grief personally and differently. I do respect that each of us will deal with grief differently. As a single women, my oldest brother was one of 3 most important man in my life (the other 2 are our Dad and middle brother). I think at times others think as a sibling you are not as "grieved" as the Parents or Spouse. I don't agree. I know we have all are suffering a huge loss. I know I have the role as the only daughter to take care of my parents, who are in their 70's. They are heartbroken. My Mom worries she won't see her grandchildren very often, they are young adults. I just worry and we are not even a month into this since new reality. And how on earth do you handle reaching out to my brothers kids and no response? Holidays? and I expect family members not wanting to participate....

I am blessed to have strong friendships to support me. But I appreciate this forum to vent to those who understand and can advise -- Thank you -- VSS

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My wonderful brother at the age of 54 was diagnosed in August with a aggressive sarcoma cancer. He died 44 days later. During those 44 days his first concern was all his family. His wife, 3 children, our parents, our brother and myself. He was a kind, loving, funny man. He was a beloved pediatrician, in our community. The outpouring of support, love, grief in our local community was overwhelming and very much appreciated. It was very surreal but during those few weeks I was able to spend quality time with him, talk about serious subjects and not so serous subjects. He had an incredible faith and his faith substained us during this time frame.I am grateful to have had that time and in his last day we all were able to say good bye. He was not in pain and he knew us. He responded back to our "I love you's". I will treasure that time. Knowing he is pain free is a comfort. His cancer went to the bone which was terrible.

Now to move forward with out him in our family dynanics seems so impossible -- but I know we must... All our family is dealing with the grief personally and differently. I do respect that each of us will deal with grief differently. As a single women, my oldest brother was one of 3 most important man in my life (the other 2 are our Dad and middle brother). I think at times others think as a sibling you are not as "grieved" as the Parents or Spouse. I don't agree. I know we have all are suffering a huge loss. I know I have the role as the only daughter to take care of my parents, who are in their 70's. They are heartbroken. My Mom worries she won't see her grandchildren very often, they are young adults. I just worry and we are not even a month into this since new reality. And how on earth do you handle reaching out to my brothers kids and no response? Holidays? and I expect family members not wanting to participate....

I am blessed to have strong friendships to support me. But I appreciate this forum to vent to those who understand and can advise -- Thank you -- VSS

VSS,

Did your entire family get together normally on holidays? I expect there may be some changes, as some people will try to avoid family gatherings, and others will cling, but generally things will smooth out after awhile. As for your mother seeing her grown grandchildren--well, grandkids go through that anyway, but if she continues to drop them a note saying "hello" or leave them a message, they will drop by and see her.

Even if your brother's children don't respond at first--keep the communication line open and positive. They will come around.

I am sorry about your loss. I hope you come back and share the story of your brother with us. He sounds like a real role model.

ModKonnie

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Hello, I am so sorry for your loss. I am 25, i lost my 28 year old brother on January 1, 2009 from drunk driving, i was 22 at the time. Losing him was and still is the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me and my parents. He was the one person that was always there for me and now he isn't just like that. i'm here to tell you the pain never goes away, you just deal with it better over the years, holidays for my family are excruciating. The same old traditions that we use to do we can no longer even bring ourselves to think about doing. We all use to get together at my moms house and do Halloween and thanksgiving and Christmas eve and new years eve.. and now all of that is destroyed. Your family dynamic has been altered forever. The best advice that i can give you is talk about him as much as you want or feel you need to and maybe try something different for the holidays. My family and i now get out of town for Christmas and new years, the thought of even trying to have a Christmas at home without him is numbing. You may find that people almost get awkward around you when they find out your brother has past and they do everything they possible can to not bring him up so they don't upset you and they may get awkward if you talk about him, but don't let that stop you from doing it. I have found the best thing that works for me is talking about him anytime i see something that he would have liked or have a story that relates to something i am doing. I hope these holidays, you can manage to think about the good times you had with your brother because those memories and your family are going to be your strongest support system during this time.

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