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coping with double loss


Brenda Russell

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Brenda Russell

I hope this isn't too much but a lot has happened & I'm having trouble to some extent with coping. So background; my sister went into the hospital at the end of Feb. She fell trying to transfer from her bed to her chair. As a result of being in the hospital, tests were ran and it was determined she has stage 4 lung cancer. March 13th my husband went to the hospital because of extreme pain in his back and stomach. Turned out he had two aoritic aneurysms, one from shoulder to kidney and the other an abdominal one. One of them was torn, but not actively bleeding. So Mar. 19th I fell and broke my arm, along with some of the hardware from my artificial shoulder, really messed it up. First broken bone ever and I'm 57.So I get admitted to the hospital because I'll need surgery. The next day they released my husband, gonna watch things and check again in 6 months. On March 23rd I had my surgery and that night while sitting in his recliner he died. Our daughter found him the next morning. Needless to say I left the hospital, even though they wanted me to stay another day or two.

I don't know how to handle all of this, I'm trying to find help for my sister, she can't be alone but I can't be the one to stay with her, somebody would die. She & I have always had a contentious relationship and she's a negative person which doesn't help my grief. So I visit and/or call as much as I can, but I can't be with her all the time. I know I shouldn't but I feel like the worst sister ever. I've never helped somebody through end of life stage and it's so close to my husband's death. I'm not even sure why I'm posting. I don't know what to ask, I guess just some general advice. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

Brenda

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Dear Brenda,

I'm deeply sorry for your loss and for everything you are going through. Losing your husband is a terrible shock and it takes time to grieve. As much as you want to help your sister, I think she would understand now is not the best time given your own health issues and grief. I hope a social worker or some community supports could be accessed to help your sister. Maybe your daughter could also help with this. My thoughts are with you. x

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Brenda Russell

I'm working on trying to setup a network of people from some church or another that could stay with her in like 2 or 3 hour shifts so it wouldn't be too draining on anybody. Haven't had any luck yet, but I haven't given up. My sister does understand, I just hate that I can't really do anything to help her. I mean I can visit some and call, but I can't be around her all the time.

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