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It's been over 4 years since I lost my only child...


ashleysdad

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It doesn't seem to be getting any "easier". The holidays are always extremely painful as well as the anniversary of her death. My daughter drowned in a swimming pool while my ex-wifes new husband was "watching" her. His story was that he was SLEEPING in his bedroom and my daughter wandered outside and fell in the pool. It was December and it was cold, dark and raining and Ashley was scared of the dark and would have NEVER went out to that pool at night by herself!!! As her father I knew that. My ex had married this "person" less than 2 months before this happened. After it happened I found out that he had taken a $250,000 LIFE INSURANCE POLICY OUT ON MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say I told the police it was no accident. They insisted it was an accident. Thanks to a great lawyer who wouldn't quit, the case was reopened. In June of 2007 he was arrested for murder one. He is sitting in jail at this moment. Some might think that it's a relief that he's in jail. It's a catch 22 though. I would much rather it be an accident. Because now I have to live with the fact that this monster MURDERED my 3 and 1/2 year old daughter. An accident is an accident. Accidents happen. But he killed her for money. She was my only child and I'm lost in this world now. I was one of those Dads who always said "if anyone ever hurts my daughter I will...." And then the worst possible thing happens to her and I do....nothing to him. I guess the best thing that can happen is if and when a trial happens he is sentenced to many many years in prison. And I hope that what I hear is true about what happens to guys in prison who hurt children.....

This is a link to a website I did in her memory:

http://www.ashleycaymclellan.com/Ashley/index.html

 Here is a tattooed portrait I had done a couple of years ago.

post-10879-128153886861_thumb.jpg

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4everjoeysmom

Ashley's Daddy, I am so very sorry for your loss and the endless pain of being a parent who has lost a child in such a tragic and traumatic way.  My heart goes out to you...  Claudia, Joey's Mom

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jordansproudmom

I am so sorry for your loss. I also know how it feels to have your child taken from you at the hands of another. My story is different then yours. My son was 17 and was riding on an ATV with a girl who was extremly drunk. She rolled the vehicle killing Jordan instantly. From what I hear she is called a "kid killer" on a daily basis by the corectional officers. We are in the trial process. We are hoping she will do prison time.  But, it may not happen since she has no priors and she is only 21 years old. Prison is not easy on people who kill children. When a fellow prisoner that is a mother or father hears what our childrens killers did it will not be good. As bad as this sounds I hope they both suffer horribly!  I pray for as much justice for both of our children that is possible on this earth. I often remember " Vengence is mine" says the Lord. His vengence is worse then any of us could dream of. If you ever need to talk...I am here! Hope this email finds you having as peaceful of a day as you can.

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Ashley's Dad...

I am deeply sorry for the terrible loss of your precious daughter, Ashley. I wanted to say what a gorgeous tattoo you had done of her picture. Truly amazing.

I am holding you in my heart.

Peace,

Sherrie

Bill's Momma

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[user=10879]ashleysdad[/user] wrote:

It doesn't seem to be getting any "easier". The holidays are always extremely painful as well as the anniversary of her death. My daughter drowned in a swimming pool while my ex-wifes new husband was "watching" her. His story was that he was SLEEPING in his bedroom and my daughter wandered outside and fell in the pool. It was December and it was cold, dark and raining and Ashley was scared of the dark and would have NEVER went out to that pool at night by herself!!! As her father I knew that. My ex had married this "person" less than 2 months before this happened. After it happened I found out that he had taken a $250,000 LIFE INSURANCE POLICY OUT ON MY DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say I told the police it was no accident. They insisted it was an accident. Thanks to a great lawyer who wouldn't quit, the case was reopened. In June of 2007 he was arrested for murder one. He is sitting in jail at this moment. Some might think that it's a relief that he's in jail. It's a catch 22 though. I would much rather it be an accident. Because now I have to live with the fact that this monster MURDERED my 3 and 1/2 year old daughter. An accident is an accident. Accidents happen. But he killed her for money. She was my only child and I'm lost in this world now. I was one of those Dads who always said "if anyone ever hurts my daughter I will...." And then the worst possible thing happens to her and I do....nothing to him. I guess the best thing that can happen is if and when a trial happens he is sentenced to many many years in prison. And I hope that what I hear is true about what happens to guys in prison who hurt children.....

This is a link to a website I did in her memory:

http://www.ashleycaymclellan.com/Ashley/index.html

 Here is a tattooed portrait I had done a couple of years ago.

Ashleys dad  -  that is the most beautiful tattoo.  It reflects the innocents of a beautiful little girl.

It is true, prisons have their own ideas about the law when it comes to those who are seen to take a childs life or their innocents.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful Ashley....another life gone too soon.

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michaelsmommy

 

Answering back to Ashley's Dad.  Your story touched me deeply.  I lost my only son he was 9 years old, he was shot and purposely killed by his grandfather.  It was in the year 2000, and now here we are in 08'.  I can tell you my pain had it's own course, which lifts over the years - now, I want to make sure I hold space for the pain as it brings me to a new awareness of living each time that I appreciate the love I was given, even though for me time was too short with being Michaels mom.

I find it's important to talk and share your story this will help you in processing it as being real, and also remember all those beautiful times you were blessed to share with your daughter.  I don't know your faith, but I find I live mostly on faith - as I do believe that I will see my son again & he was needed elsewhere in a much more beautiful existence.  I wish you strength, courage, faith, belief, and stamina to keep moving forward.  Remember there is no correct way to grieve, and no certain time lines that anyone should require from us.  You need to feel whatever you are feeling, and know this is perfectly normal.  Your story is shocking and tragic - and I pray you will live and create a wonderful life for yourself as I'm sure Ashley would want from you.  Please try to let go of the anger whenever you are able -- this I say, as it made a big difference in my ability to cope, move forward in life, still survive without anger, and focus on my strengths...sometimes begging from God to assist me with giving me the strength & desire to function and one day we'll wake up with a search for an additional happiness to occur, and hold close to our hearts are experience of being someone's parent that was & is so special. 

I was blessed to be Michael's mommy - I adored him, and still I find I still adore him and he can still bring equally a smile to face or a cry at a moments notice.  To have such deep love is still a gift.  I am so sorry that such a terrible person had to come into your life, but please if you haven't talked to God about how to be in this world - You might want to quietly listen inside for guidance and you might find a new way to feel connected to your Ashley at the same time as making the best life you can.  It might seem a bit impossible at this point, but each year for me, Life has been opening up again in new ways, showing me new possibilities.  I think you are very brave for sharing your story.  Thank you for this, as it allows me my own rights to remember its okay to allow all the many stages of grief.  Also, wanted to stay She is very beautiful - I looked at your web site...and I can see how lively she is, I'm sure she is the same way right this very minute - This I strongly feel that you are still surrounded by her love.

Blessings,

Michaelsmommy.

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I am so deeply touched by your story. I know your pain, I lost my baby boy 6mos ago. Sometimes I can't even breath. But remember god doesn't give us more than we can handle. I dread thinking of that monster that can harm such a little angel. Keep in mind that every night he will be haunted by your daughters beautiful face and laughter. I hope you found comfort in him going to jail but I know the pain is greater. Everyday for me gets a little easier to breath again. I walked around like a zombie and I cried every waking minute. Although our stories differ our pain is the same. I hope she is wih my son in heaven and that they are both watching over us. God bless you and remember one day at a time....Lots of hugs and comfort as well as prayers......Maryann

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