i miss my mom who died jan 13 2022

[shirley eng]

i lost my mom on jan 13 2022 and   i  havent been able to get through the pain associated with greiving

 

can someone help me through this

 

[ADM925]

I wish I could help you but I am the same since losing my beloved Mother 7/17/21, still cannot even believe it as we were inseparable my whole life and there is nobody else at all in my life since 2000 (Dad).  The anguish only gets worse every minute of each day.  It is like living in an unending nightmare.

I try to think that she is happy now to be with Father and is not suffering anymore but that only helps very little if at all.  Being without Mom in this world is just too overwhelming and terrifying and only gets worse with time.  I know my Mom was extremely worried abut leaving me because I stayed at home and she was my sole refuge and center of my universe.  We hated to be away from each other even for a very short time.  Also I was her caregiver and feel I missed signs that if addressed sooner could have saved her much suffering and given us more time together. 

[Traz]

9 hours ago, shirley eng said:

i lost my mom on jan 13 2022 and   i  havent been able to get through the pain associated with greiving

 

can someone help me through this

 

Hi Shirley eng,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. It's a profound thing to lose your mother, no matter the circumstance. It is also still so early in your grief journey and the pain might feel unbearable at times. From my own experience, disbelief, shock and numbness came first. I couldn't cry for some reason and that upset me. That lasted a few months and then came the deep sorrow and pain. I felt literally beside myself with grief. I finally cried and it was like the flood gates opened. It helped a lot, to  released that pain. It's hard because practically anything associated with your mom can trigger the immense  sadness and loss - from seeing her favorite flower, to a can of soup in a grocery store. If it has any sort of connection to your mom, its going to really be hard.

My daughter kept talking to me about 'self-care' and how important it is. I thought she meant slapping a moisturizing face-mask on and lighting a candle. Much more to it, she explained. She taught me self-care is just that, taking care of you. And its especially important during grieving. That means setting limits and boundaries with people. And with what you can handle. It means getting fresh air and walking when you dont feel like it at all. The same with your body. You still have to feed and hydrate it, when food is the last thing on your mind. 

I watched a lot of Netflix, mainly because the pandemic started 6 months after my mom passed away and we were quarantined. It took my mind to a different place for a bit. 

I bought a journal especially for writing to my mom in. I still write to her and that has helped me a lot with my pain. I listened to audio books on grief and loss and I watched a lot of YouTube videos on near death experiences. That brought me a great deal of comfort and if I'm having a particularly difficult time, I will watch those again. 

You will hear others say there's no right or wrong way to grieve and it's true. Everyone experiences grief in their own way. Groups like these help because you are not alone in your experience. Do you have any family to share your loss with? I feel so grateful for my one sister and we cried together many times. She's stronger than me though and has adjusted (if that's the right word?) to the loss at a different pace than me. And that's okay.

I hope I have helped a little bit. Please be good to yourself and know you're not alone. Xo

 

 

[Traz]

27 minutes ago, ADM925 said:

I wish I could help you but I am the same since losing my beloved Mother 7/17/21, still cannot even believe it as we were inseparable my whole life and there is nobody else at all in my life since 2000 (Dad).  The anguish only gets worse every minute of each day.  It is like living in an unending nightmare.

I try to think that she is happy now to be with Father and is not suffering anymore but that only helps very little if at all.  Being without Mom in this world is just too overwhelming and terrifying and only gets worse with time.  I know my Mom was extremely worried abut leaving me because I stayed at home and she was my sole refuge and center of my universe.  We hated to be away from each other even for a very short time.  Also I was her caregiver and feel I missed signs that if addressed sooner could have saved her much suffering and given us more time together. 

Many others here can give practical advice and I hope they will respond.  Again I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

Adm925,

I have read many of your posts and I wish there was some way to help you. If there were no other people in your life except your mom, the devastation must feel totally disabling. I can't imagine not having any other relationships outside of my mom but I guess I take it for granted and our circumstances were different. I understand your mom made you feel safe, but I wonder if that perhaps didn't prepare you to live in a world without her? I'm trying to be gentle and I'm not criticizing your mom or your relationship. I really understand that you are terrified and feeling utterly alone. I am so sorry.

I really think a qualified therapist who  has experience in this area may be able to help you navigate this terrifying new world you now find yourself in. Would you be open to getting outside help? Financially it can be expensive, but I've heard good things about 'Better Help' - it's online and geared toward income. 

I hope for better days ahead and I will keep you and Shirley eng in my prayers.  

[shirley eng]

3 hours ago, Traz said:

Hi Shirley eng,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom. It's a profound thing to lose your mother, no matter the circumstance. It is also still so early in your grief journey and the pain might feel unbearable at times. From my own experience, disbelief, shock and numbness came first. I couldn't cry for some reason and that upset me. That lasted a few months and then came the deep sorrow and pain. I felt literally beside myself with grief. I finally cried and it was like the flood gates opened. It helped a lot, to  released that pain. It's hard because practically anything associated with your mom can trigger the immense  sadness and loss - from seeing her favorite flower, to a can of soup in a grocery store. If it has any sort of connection to your mom, its going to really be hard.

My daughter kept talking to me about 'self-care' and how important it is. I thought she meant slapping a moisturizing face-mask on and lighting a candle. Much more to it, she explained. She taught me self-care is just that, taking care of you. And its especially important during grieving. That means setting limits and boundaries with people. And with what you can handle. It means getting fresh air and walking when you dont feel like it at all. The same with your body. You still have to feed and hydrate it, when food is the last thing on your mind. 

I watched a lot of Netflix, mainly because the pandemic started 6 months after my mom passed away and we were quarantined. It took my mind to a different place for a bit. 

I bought a journal especially for writing to my mom in. I still write to her and that has helped me a lot with my pain. I listened to audio books on grief and loss and I watched a lot of YouTube videos on near death experiences. That brought me a great deal of comfort and if I'm having a particularly difficult time, I will watch those again. 

You will hear others say there's no right or wrong way to grieve and it's true. Everyone experiences grief in their own way. Groups like these help because you are not alone in your experience. Do you have any family to share your loss with? I feel so grateful for my one sister and we cried together many times. She's stronger than me though and has adjusted (if that's the right word?) to the loss at a different pace than me. And that's okay.

I hope I have helped a little bit. Please be good to yourself and know you're not alone. Xo

 

 

 

thank you traz

[Traz]

You're welcome Shirley eng. I hope you find comfort here ♡

[ESM]

On 4/6/2022 at 2:35 AM, ADM925 said:

Being without Mom in this world is just too overwhelming and terrifying and only gets worse with time.  I know my Mom was extremely worried abut leaving me because I stayed at home and she was my sole refuge and center of my universe. 

These words could be coming out of my own mouth. My mother and I were never apart a single day in my life. As each day passes it seems to get almost more unreal that I'll never interact with her again. The crying has become more intense and more frequent with the passage of time rather than better. I wish I could find solace in something, but I can not.I Can only hope at some point it gets better for all of us, but I really just can't see it happeneing for me. Try to be well.

[shirley eng]

thank you