Recently Orphaned in my 30s. I feel cheated!

[littlebear]

My mother passed in 08, and my dad just passed this past summer. I'm only in my thirties, and am an only child. I have now lost my only close family, all other relatives have always lived long distance. I am devastated by the loss of my father, and how I no longer have his guidance, his hilarious personality, his love. I think of the woman I used to work with who is in her 60s that lives with and takes care of her mother. How many decades she's gotten to have with her mom. How she always complains about it. That will never be a luxury I'm afforded. I feel so lost. There is still so much I don't know about life and will have to face completely alone now. 

I wish this world weren't such a cold and indifferent place. :(

[reader]

Dear littlebear,

I am very sorry for your loss. Please know you are not alone in your feelings. 

We are here with you. x

[Jen H]

I lost both parents within two years in my early thirties so I know exactly how you feel.  I have no family except my disabled adult daughter and disabled brother.   It's been almost twelve years and even though my life has moved on and I have accepted my life without them, I still get jealous of other people having so much family and their parent or parents still around at a much older age.  Especially when they don't seem to appreciate how lucky they are, it makes me  cringe in anger sometimes.  I guess its just human nature to take things for granted.  I hope you have other support in your life that can help you through your grief.  Remember you are not alone.  Much love and hugs to you!

[littlebear]

On 4/2/2022 at 6:16 PM, Jen H said:

I lost both parents within two years in my early thirties so I know exactly how you feel.  I have no family except my disabled adult daughter and disabled brother.   It's been almost twelve years and even though my life has moved on and I have accepted my life without them, I still get jealous of other people having so much family and their parent or parents still around at a much older age.  Especially when they don't seem to appreciate how lucky they are, it makes me  cringe in anger sometimes.  I guess its just human nature to take things for granted.  I hope you have other support in your life that can help you through your grief.  Remember you are not alone.  Much love and hugs to you!

I'm sorry you dealt with so much tragedy in such a short time. Good job making it out the other side. I guess you're right that we all take things for granted... I know someone's always got it worse. I try my best to live in gratitude, but of course, feelings will always come to us whether we invite them or not. I really appreciate your kind comments, and I hope you have other friends and loved ones around you, even if they aren't family. 

[MomsLovingSon]

I just lost my mom on April 8th. She was all that I had; she was more than my mom, she was my only friend. My dad wasn't a very good person and he was in my life very little (for the best) until he died in the early-2000s. Mom did everything and was everything by herself and I lost her now before my 30th birthday. I completely get your feelings of being cheated, of looking at people who are in their older years and still have a parent(s) left. It's not fair at all to lose them so young. I may not have shown it 100% of the time, but I loved being with my mom even as I took care of her more and more (she still worked and everything but had difficulty getting around and doing things) over the past decade. When I see people who act constantly annoyed with their parent(s), I realize that I don't entirely know their situation, but it still bums me out. I'd do anything to have my mom back.

[littlebear]

14 hours ago, MomsLovingSon said:

I just lost my mom on April 8th. She was all that I had; she was more than my mom, she was my only friend. My dad wasn't a very good person and he was in my life very little (for the best) until he died in the early-2000s. Mom did everything and was everything by herself and I lost her now before my 30th birthday. I completely get your feelings of being cheated, of looking at people who are in their older years and still have a parent(s) left. It's not fair at all to lose them so young. I may not have shown it 100% of the time, but I loved being with my mom even as I took care of her more and more (she still worked and everything but had difficulty getting around and doing things) over the past decade. When I see people who act constantly annoyed with their parent(s), I realize that I don't entirely know their situation, but it still bums me out. I'd do anything to have my mom back.

I'm so sorry you lost your mom too. It's horrible, like a hole being ripped through you. Thanks for posting, it's good to know I'm not the only one going through this kind of thing. I'll never understand what it's like for older folks to complain about their parents, but when I start feeling jealous I think about the fact that my own mother never lost a parent, they both died after her. Everyone struggles and just because they have something we don't doesn't mean they don't suffer too. Still, it's hard for our brains not to immediately want to point out how lucky they are.

I hope you have a good support network and are getting through this okay. My heart goes out to you!