I lost my dad and I feel that it's my fault

[Manwithburden]

I lost my Dad four days ago, but I feel that I am responsible for his death because he was sick three months ago and because I live in another city with my family I could not come in time to go with him and see a doctor. Therefore, his satiation developed and when I came his case became sever. Although, I brought him to the hospital and stay with him for two weeks, but unfortunately it is too late. He could not survive. 

[EmmaO21]

I really want to tell you that it is not your fault but I know you will not believe me. I know this because I, too, feel so much guilt over what happened to my father too. It's been 4 months since his passing and on good days I don't feel responsible. How could I have known? How could you have known? 

Our parents make their own decisions and sometimes they can be very stubborn. Sometimes, there is only so much we can do. Don't add guilt to your burden of grief now, it will not do you any good. 

[Traz]

Dear Manwithburden,

This is a common thing we grieving souls do to ourselves - blame when there is no blame to be had. Guilt over what we perceive is our responsibility. This is an emotion in the early stages of grief and your loss is so new, please give yourself time.

All adult humans have free will and the burden of choice. If your dad chose to not see the doctor before his condition worsened, that was him exercising his free will. And as EmmaO21 said, parents can be stubborn. My own dad suffered guilt for years because he told my grandfather not to try and take the trash out, to wait and my dad would do it for him. 

Well, Granddad didnt listen and he had a massive heart attack on the sidewalk, trying to take out the damn trash. Nothing my dad said, or told him not to do, made a difference. When your time on this earth is completed, there is no stopping it. I truly believe that. 

Please release yourself from any burden of responsibility. It is not your fault that your dad died. I am so sorry for your loss.  

[MrX]

@Manwithburden  First, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad about five months ago. I agree with the other posts here... Please free your burden, there is nothing that you could of done. I am certain that living in another city that you are, you were busy with your own life... I totally understand that and I can relate to that. Remember, you can only do so much. . 

[teaav]

On 4/3/2022 at 3:27 AM, Traz said:

Dear Manwithburden,

This is a common thing we grieving souls do to ourselves - blame when there is no blame to be had. Guilt over what we perceive is our responsibility. This is an emotion in the early stages of grief and your loss is so new, please give yourself time.

All adult humans have free will and the burden of choice. If your dad chose to not see the doctor before his condition worsened, that was him exercising his free will. And as EmmaO21 said, parents can be stubborn. My own dad suffered guilt for years because he told my grandfather not to try and take the trash out, to wait and my dad would do it for him. 

Well, Granddad didnt listen and he had a massive heart attack on the sidewalk, trying to take out the damn trash. Nothing my dad said, or told him not to do, made a difference. When your time on this earth is completed, there is no stopping it. I truly believe that. 

Please release yourself from any burden of responsibility. It is not your fault that your dad died. I am so sorry for your loss.  

This is such a lovely comment, thank you for sharing your insightful thoughts 💗🌷

On 3/29/2022 at 9:24 PM, Manwithburden said:

I lost my Dad four days ago, but I feel that I am responsible for his death because he was sick three months ago and because I live in another city with my family I could not come in time to go with him and see a doctor. Therefore, his satiation developed and when I came his case became sever. Although, I brought him to the hospital and stay with him for two weeks, but unfortunately it is too late. He could not survive. 

It is not your fault dear Manwithburden. We never think that the worst is gonna happen to us, and it seems as if you didn't really have a lot of time to process that your dad is really sick before he passed. 

I am sending you hugs 💗💗