Losing Mom

[Missingemstill]

Lost my Mom Sept 23 2020 due to uterine Cancer that metasized and spread to her lungs she was only 63, she had a operation for it 4th july 2019 and had chemo from sept to dec. then her bleeding returned in feb 2020 but was told it was U.t.i. or similar, took azo pills then Was going to go In March and on my birthday pandemic hit and appointments were cancelled I still remember it as it started getting crazy around then, her beautiful hair had grown back to beautiful almost white, mainly silver and black or salt and pepper, looking like her beautiful Mom my Beautiful grandma who has just passed Evening of dec 29/30 2017 and laid to rest on Three Kings Day 2018 she was 85 however, I was close very close to both being with them everyday despite being 35 at the time of grandma then 38 at Her Daughter My Beautiful Mom' passing I still cry almost every day, and I have a great Woman in My life not married or kids, a great brother and my dad but I suffer from anxiety before all these events even panic attacks and depression and ocd/add/adhd and being med on since 17 not severe but sometimes in my 20s yes, anyhow I was always a loner and shut-in type of guy, And I love bonding with my brother, I just turned the big 4 0 and he did nice dinner for me some place we ate at, with his Lady and My Lady ,but my anxiety and my guilt was Up the top . It's amazing Cause I flew for the first time a year ago to NYC and didn't feel so antsy only on the ground, anyhow it's been a rollercoaster, I am a Man Of Much Deep Catholic faith and Always comprehended Suffering since it is a proponent of the faith but I was not expecting what happen to my Mom, I am sorry if I am all over the place I just feel incredibly overwhelmed with emotions even though I have a good support system I have professional help for years now and take as describe and I do not use drugs or drink. Recently I found out I was borderline 5.7 diabetic so now im stressing over that and trying to undo it. I am convinced my anxiety/depression aside from my not so good eating had to do with it. I think Since I haven't walked like i do around the block im feeling all this it's happen before, I want all to know however that despite my intense grief and depression and yes Im not trying that hard cause I keep resisting despite reading alot of my books too . I want all to know that in sorrow one is not alone even when you are I know it sounds like what we all before, but I hope  I can be healthy and still maintain a good remembrance and healthy grieving if there is such a thing.

[reader]

Dear Missingemstill:

What you are feeling makes total sense. Losing a parent is devastating and it’s very hard even with a lot of support. It’s been five years since my father passed away and I still struggle to accept what happened.

Please know that you are not alone. Keep taking it day by day. And know that you are doing the best you can. 

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.