Disbelief over losing my dad

[Anonn]

It’s been two months since my dad passed and I still can’t come to terms with it. I was recently abroad on holiday and I would get these constant moments of shock and disbelief that my dad is no longer in my life and that rush of immense heartbreak to the point of wanting to cry. I can’t explain the pain. It comes and goes. I thought going on holiday would eliminate it or park the feeling but it brought it out more than when I’m at home doing normal life things. My dad was huge part of my life and i just can’t seem to get over him not being here anymore. The heartache is almost sickening and I keep reliving the last few weeks and the last day. It haunts me at what he went through and what we went  through as a family. I wish I could just think about the good memories but the last moments keep coming to my mind. It’s like I’m deliberately punishing myself by reliving it in my head but I can’t help it. 

[ADM925]

On 3/5/2022 at 3:41 PM, Anonn said:

I would get these constant moments of shock and disbelief that my dad is no longer in my life and that rush of immense heartbreak to the point of wanting to cry.

I've been having similar sudden waves of extreme shock and despair for nearly 8 months now after losing my beloved mother, and the pain they bring is excruciating.  Triggers can be almost any thought or object, and the many little gifts we bought each other over the years are especially powerful.  

On 3/5/2022 at 3:41 PM, Anonn said:

My dad was huge part of my life and i just can’t seem to get over him not being here anymore. The heartache is almost sickening and I keep reliving the last few weeks and the last day. It haunts me at what he went through

Mom was my only loved one and sole companion and refuge.  I was caring for her at home when she left me and it haunts me day and night, as do the horrors she went through in hospitals and nursing home when we couldn't see each other for 3 months.  People tell me "it's over" as though that will make the anguish somehow disappear, but it only gets worse every day.  I lost my dad shockingly in 2000 and now without Mom to share the heartbreak it is taking place all over again.  I wish you well.     

[Anonn]

TThank you so much for your kinds words. The waves of shock is exactly what I experience too. As you say anything can be a trigger, you constantly think “they would have done that” “they would have eaten that” “they would have said that”. I am so sorry you lost both your parents. Life feels so much scarier when u lose them. You don’t feel as protected and people say they’re with you which I know they are but not being able to communicate with them is so so hard and frustrating and I think to myself how will I go on all these years feeling like this and not being able to speak to that person who I conversed with so much and whom I shared a deep beloved bond. Take care ADM xx

[ADM925]

On 3/8/2022 at 3:14 PM, Anonn said:

“they would have eaten that”

Especially true for me because enjoying meals together was a great joy even when we couldn't dine out anymore.  I took pride in preparing nutritious meals for us.  The hospital doctors insisted upon a tracheostomy and feeding tube and said Mom would never get off the ventilator and come home from the nursing home.  But she did. which spared us a separation-horror which would have been the end of both of us.  Even with that blessing, seeing Mom hungry and thirsty and allowed nothing was very devastating and heartbreaking, and I can't stand to eat ever since.  

 

On 3/8/2022 at 3:14 PM, Anonn said:

not being able to communicate with them is so so hard and frustrating and I think to myself how will I go on all these years feeling like this and not being able to speak to that person who I conversed with so much and whom I shared a deep beloved bond.

  Having a very difficult time with this also; it is frightening to the point that my mind is still trying to deny it after 8 months.     

[Sydney12]

On 3/5/2022 at 8:41 PM, Anonn said:

It’s been two months since my dad passed and I still can’t come to terms with it. I was recently abroad on holiday and I would get these constant moments of shock and disbelief that my dad is no longer in my life and that rush of immense heartbreak to the point of wanting to cry. I can’t explain the pain. It comes and goes. I thought going on holiday would eliminate it or park the feeling but it brought it out more than when I’m at home doing normal life things. My dad was huge part of my life and i just can’t seem to get over him not being here anymore. The heartache is almost sickening and I keep reliving the last few weeks and the last day. It haunts me at what he went through and what we went  through as a family. I wish I could just think about the good memories but the last moments keep coming to my mind. It’s like I’m deliberately punishing myself by reliving it in my head but I can’t help it. 

I'm really sorry for your loss. 

I'm in the same boat. My dad unexpected passed away at the end of December 2021 and I'm still in shock. It seems to be getting worse. I could be doing fine and busy with work, then I suddenly realize he's gone forever and I start crying. It always seems as though my chest is about to explode then I start crying. It's a horrible feeling. I took some of his pictures that we in my mom's house and while I was strong enough to look at team with my siblings, I still haven't been able to look at them on my own since. They're in some drawer waiting to be framed or put in an album, but I haven't had the courage to do so yet. Next week is his birthday so I'm planning on framing them nicely on the day. 

Sometimes I think of how the world was paralyzed for two years because of COVID and now everyone has moved on from COVID and looking forward to live a normal life again, while I'm stuck in the past. What was supposed to be a fresh start turned into a nightmare. My dad didn't die of COVID, but it's the whole "we're now getting back to normal" that's painful. I really don't know how to express this. It probably doesn't make sense. 

No one really understands. I'm back to work now and people expect me to be delivering at 150% like I used to, but they don't understand that most times, I'm battling with the thoughts of my dad's death. I spend my lunch breaks at home crying. It's tough. 

[Lost now]

6 hours ago, Sydney12 said:

I'm really sorry for your loss. 

I'm in the same boat. My dad unexpected passed away at the end of December 2021 and I'm still in shock. It seems to be getting worse. I could be doing fine and busy with work, then I suddenly realize he's gone forever and I start crying. It always seems as though my chest is about to explode then I start crying. It's a horrible feeling. I took some of his pictures that we in my mom's house and while I was strong enough to look at team with my siblings, I still haven't been able to look at them on my own since. They're in some drawer waiting to be framed or put in an album, but I haven't had the courage to do so yet. Next week is his birthday so I'm planning on framing them nicely on the day. 

Sometimes I think of how the world was paralyzed for two years because of COVID and now everyone has moved on from COVID and looking forward to live a normal life again, while I'm stuck in the past. What was supposed to be a fresh start turned into a nightmare. My dad didn't die of COVID, but it's the whole "we're now getting back to normal" that's painful. I really don't know how to express this. It probably doesn't make sense. 

No one really understands. I'm back to work now and people expect me to be delivering at 150% like I used to, but they don't understand that most times, I'm battling with the thoughts of my dad's death. I spend my lunch breaks at home crying. It's tough. 

Hi Sydney, I am sorry you lost your dad. I lost my mom over a month ago. She was only 58 and had no illness but got a cardiac arrest and left us. I totally relate with you about feeling angry about everyone going back to normal. It's bothering me a lot and I am actually hoping a new variant comes and everyone goes back to the pandemic state. My world had upside down and it makes me upset when I see people outside laughing and having fun. I hate it and I hate my new life without my mom. I need her.

Please stay in touch. We can help each other.

[Sydney12]

1 hour ago, Lost now said:

Hi Sydney, I am sorry you lost your dad. I lost my mom over a month ago. She was only 58 and had no illness but got a cardiac arrest and left us. I totally relate with you about feeling angry about everyone going back to normal. It's bothering me a lot and I am actually hoping a new variant comes and everyone goes back to the pandemic state. My world had upside down and it makes me upset when I see people outside laughing and having fun. I hate it and I hate my new life without my mom. I need her.

Please stay in touch. We can help each other.

I'm really sorry for your loss, Lost Now. 

It's also hard because if a parent dies after living a long life, you would be somewhat at peace with the idea that it was their time and grateful they lived a long life. 58 is far too young. Far far too young. You feel as though they didn't get to live all life has to offer. I'm sure your mom still had a lot she wanted to do, so did my dad. My dad was 4 months away from retirement which he looked forward to and he didn't even get the chance to retire. It really put things in perspective for me. 

People don't get it, unless they've been through something similar themselves. I barely go out these days because I can't bear to be around other people having to pretend I care about their mundane life events when I just lost my dad. Most things go above my head now.  I simply can't comprehend how two years of lockdown came and went and took my dad in the process right when things were supposedly meant to get "better". I see people enjoying their new found freedom with no care in the world and all I keep thinking about is how unfair life is. I can relate to what you're feeling about going back to a pandemic / lockdown state. I really can't wrap my head around getting back to "normal" because to me, getting back to normal would almost feel like leaving my dad behind. 

Absolutely - let's keep in touch. 

[Bhipa]

I am in a similar situation. I lost my dad after a brief illness a month ago. I am suffering with lot of guilt that I did not do all that I could have done. Now I am missing him so much. He was a big figure in my life. He would be so proud of things that I achieve/do. Now I can’t show those little things to anyone. It all feels bit purposeless now. I am not quite sure how long this will go on. I too feel that the relief that we were supposed to have as Covid recedes has been robbed from me.