When You Suddenly Realize You Are Now An Ophan

[Scooter1957]

My Mom was 93 years old.  She was living by herself and was self-reliant.  Shortly after Christmas 2021, she started not "feeling well."  She was admitted into the hospital twice, got stronger and was released.  The last release was on February 18, 2022.  On Wednesday, she called me at work wanting me to come home because of bad stomach pains.  By ambulance she went back to the hospital.  I got a call at 01:46 a.m. on February 24 stating she wasn't doing well; by 04:00 a.m. she was gone.  With her went my life.  I lost my Dad in 2008 and she was the only family I had left; I have no brothers or sisters and all of my other relatives have long been estranged.  At this time it dawned on me that I was now truly alone.

My grieving now goes in waves, fine one minute and the next crying like a baby.  The tears remain for only a few minutes and I am back to normal, or as normal as possible.  I am taking two weeks off of work to contend with matters dealing with her passing, but I feel these emotional waves are going to continue for years to come.

I am moving into her house since it was where she and my Dad enjoyed their last days.  When I am over there now, I get this overwhelming feeling that I belong there, close to my parents and possibly to heal.

Has anyone else had the feelings of suddenly realizing that they were an orphan after the loss of their parent(s)?

[ADM925]

23 hours ago, Scooter1957 said:

With her went my life.  I lost my Dad in 2008 and she was the only family I had left; I have no brothers or sisters and all of my other relatives have long been estranged.  At this time it dawned on me that I was now truly alone.

I am very sorry for your loss.  My Mom and I were inseparable my whole life; I never married or left home for college.  No SO, siblings, or close family.  I lost her on 7/17/21 after an 8 1/2 month heartbreak-filled nightmare ordeal, 2 months short of my 60th birthday.  We lost my father shockingly in 2000 and somehow managed to survive it.  Mom worked until 2012 and I became her caregiver as she gradually lost mobility and eventually became bed-bound. 

She was my sole refuge and confidant and her loss has left me completely, frighteningly alone and in turmoil.  And it has not gotten any better with time.  I feel more and more outside of myself waiting for this nightmare to end, and it never does.  Endless sleepless nights in the empty house I face losing, and the feeling of having crossed over into a malevolent parallel universe.  There is not a person or place in this world that I don't dread being with or at.  They are all about 'Why aren't you over it yet?'.  Only my Mom brought love, calm, serenity, peace, and relief from pain and heartache into my life.  Who can survive without those human essentials?  I hope things go better for you and that moving into your Mom's house helps as the feeling you describe from being there sounds very encouraging. 

23 hours ago, Scooter1957 said:

Has anyone else had the feelings of suddenly realizing that they were an orphan after the loss of their parent(s)?

The word didn't really hit me until I came across "adult orphan", but I guess the shock was there all along.

[Scooter1957]

1 hour ago, ADM925 said:

I am very sorry for your loss.  My Mom and I were inseparable my whole life; I never married or left home for college.  No SO, siblings, or close family.  I lost her on 7/17/21 after an 8 1/2 month heartbreak-filled nightmare ordeal, 2 months short of my 60th birthday.  We lost my father shockingly in 2000 and somehow managed to survive it.  Mom worked until 2012 and I became her caregiver as she gradually lost mobility and eventually became bed-bound. 

She was my sole refuge and confidant and her loss has left me completely, frighteningly alone and in turmoil.  And it has not gotten any better with time.  I feel more and more outside of myself waiting for this nightmare to end, and it never does.  Endless sleepless nights in the empty house I face losing, and the feeling of having crossed over into a malevolent parallel universe.  There is not a person or place in this world that I don't dread being with or at.  They are all about 'Why aren't you over it yet?'.  Only my Mom brought love, calm, serenity, peace, and relief from pain and heartache into my life.  Who can survive without those human essentials?  I hope things go better for you and that moving into your Mom's house helps as the feeling you describe from being there sounds very encouraging. 

The word didn't really hit me until I came across "adult orphan", but I guess the shock was there all along.

I too am sorry for your loss.  Mom lived in a house belonging to me, so I am moving into it.  I'll keep many things the way they were because this is where both my parents lived.  I am going to set up kind of a "memorial" to them as well, and since both chose cremation, I will have the urns of both there in the memorial.  I know some people will label this as strange, and possibly "morbid" to have such a memorial, but they were my parents.  They were the only ones that I found I could trust and who loved me unconditionally, as I loved them.

I hope you find the peace you deserve.  I know, with time, I should be able to come to terms with my grief, but the grief will never end.  The trick is, from what someone told me, is that you never get over the grief, you just learn to live with it, and in doing so, it will become less painful.  It may take months, or even years, but the pain will subside, eventually.