I caused the death of my mother's cat

[Sophie11K]

Two days ago I lost my dearest cat. I'm afraid I caused her death, and this pain - for myself, and for my mother, who was the actual owner.

 

We adopted Motia from a shelter when I was 9. My dear cat has gone through a lot, but she was loved. She was poisoned and almost died when she was 4. She had struvites when she was 8. I've always said that she is very active for her age. Always had a good appetite and played like a kitten. Until last 2 months. She became passive, her appetite decreased, she refused to eat dry food, she started having slight diarrhea once or twice, then some constipation, then bad smelling stool. But she was acting normal. We thought it was the food, tried switching it, changed the feeding routine. When she stopped eating dry food, we stated giving her wet food which she always adored. Last few days, she started eating very little.

Two days ago, my indoor cat who hasn't been outside for years, had to spend time outside in cold and in a basement, hiding from bombs. She was weak and tired. When we came back home, she ate very little and just slept.

Next morning she was purring, asking for food, and being in a good mood until she started crying, laying down, having spasm and throwing up yellow liquids. She cried when trying to pee. We took her to the vet. The vet examined her and made ultrasonography. My cat was so week she didn't even resist. He told us she has a tumour over the intestine that is growing towards her kidneys too.

He told us it was big and that she was in pain. He offered 3 options:

1. Surgery, which gave little chances and she might not even wake up from the anesthesia.
2. Hormonal therapy, which might slow down the growth of tumor. But considering that our city was in a war zone, and it will be expensive too.
3. Euthanasia.

My mom is the actual owner of the cat. I've been at a boarding school and then uni, so she was the one who had the most bond with her and took care of her the most. She asked me to let her euthanise our cat. At first, I said let's get a blood check, let's go to another clinic, let's give her pain medications and wait. But her decision was quick, at that time I was also panicking since I realized I lost my phone with all the bank accounts. I understood she was the one who should make the decision. I knew she knew my cat best. I didn't want to take the responsibility so I just stayed there. The vet told us she can die of hunger and that she is in very much pain. So I didn't resist.

 

I was the one who neglected her. I was the one who didn't even let my mom leave the house because of the pandemic. I was the one who didn't talk to my mom about taking her to vet earlier, and with my insane pandemic-related behaviour, I was the one who made my mom not taking her to the vet. And most importantly, I was the one who has been spraying Lysol aerosol sprays and using lots of bleach to clean. My cat has been inhaling the spray for almost a year. We've always argued with my mom about that, she asked me to stop countless times. She usually took Motia to another room when I sprayed, but not always. I've read different information online and completely dismissed ones which say its dangerous to cats. I've sprayed and sprayed and sprayed like an insane human being. I was trying to protect my mom from coronavirus and my cat from germs.

 

I don't know how to live with it.

[Eternalsoul]

Hi. I am sorry for your loss. When I was younger my mom and I would argue about the same thing. She would use clorox and other chemicals that I wasnt fond of to be around my pets. 

I personally don't like to overdo it with chemicals and instead use vinegar to clean or more natural products that are pet friendly. I think germs can overcome cleaning products so in the future I wouldn't use too much. This is something good that you've recognized. We all live and we all learn. There's some organic and natural products out there that aren't dangerous. I prefer diluted vinegar mostly. I'm weird I know. As far as viruses and getting sick I think washing our hands before we eat and as soon as we get home is most important. I am sorry to hear that you're in a war zone. That sounds awful. 

 

We can't say this is the reason she got sick though. How old was she when she passed? You last mentioned she was 8 years old. It could have been anything. Don't jump to conclusions.

[Mandy25]

I am so sorry for your loss.  You don’t know why your cat had cancer.  It most likely wasn’t from you spraying Lysol .  My dog had cancer and I didn’t spray anything or use any chemicals near him.  The pandemic made us all kind of crazy.  I was washing my groceries with dish soap and Clorox wipes…how crazy is that!? The people on the news kept telling us we would catch it and die if we touched anything and that everything may have the virus on it. Please don’t blame yourself.  

[KayC]

12 hours ago, Mandy25 said:

My dog had cancer and I didn’t spray anything or use any chemicals near him.

Mine too.  I don't use chemicals because I prefer natural (I have a well and septic system so am overprotective about the water supply), so no contamination here yet my dog still got cancer, my cat's kidneys and liver shut down (she was old) and it all happened so fast, they said there was not cure for it.

I am very sorry for you and your mom's loss.  You were doing everything you could to protect your mom, these are unique times we've never transversed before, learning as we go, I hope you can learn to be easier on yourself.  You love your cat and would have done nothing to her her.  I am going to post some articles for you and hope you'll take them to heart.  What would you tell a friend going through this?  Tell yourself that!

 

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html
It is not our grief that binds us to them, it is our love, and it continues still.
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

I hope this brings you some comfort and peace: