I miss mom..why did this happen?

[Lost now]

My mom passed away unexpectedly 3 weeks ago due to a sudden cardiac arrest. She had zero health issues and she was only 58.

I've always been close to her since my birth. She is my everything. I can't imagine a long life without her. My day started with her and ended with her. 

I have been in a bad state since that day but for some reason I woke up and didn't feel as depressed as if she was with me and I didnt  lose her.

But I am very depressed today. And I expect myself to be sad forever. I have decided to live miserable life. There can be nothing good in life without her. I don't know what to do. Why did this happen? Everything was going so well and then this happened. I'm only 31. What if I live a long life. I can't live without her for so long. I am not going to end my life as I can't do it to my dad. He is already broken.

But I don't wish to be alive either. I hope I don't wake up tomorrow. 

I'm so mad. How can this happen?????

One moment she is here texting me and then gone.

No no no ..

Please help me! I am going to counseling and also on anti depressants but nothing is helping

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[reader]

Dear Lost now,

I'm sorry for the deep pain and sorrow and shock you are feeling. It's unbearable. We are with you and you are not alone. It's important to get as much support as you can from friends and family. Grief counselling will help. I know it feels like there is no hope right now but hang in there. I cried an ocean of tears for my father and felt raw for two years. 5 years later there are still days I hate this world that he is not here with us still. Take your time to grieve and mourn your mom.  We are here to listen and offer any support we can. x 

[Lost now]

6 hours ago, reader said:

Dear Lost now,

I'm sorry for the deep pain and sorrow and shock you are feeling. It's unbearable. We are with you and you are not alone. It's important to get as much support as you can from friends and family. Grief counselling will help. I know it feels like there is no hope right now but hang in there. I cried an ocean of tears for my father and felt raw for two years. 5 years later there are still days I hate this world that he is not here with us still. Take your time to grieve and mourn your mom.  We are here to listen and offer any support we can. x 

Thanks so much. Just knowing that people understand and are in this together helps. This is the worst phase of my life. Moms are so important to daughters. How can I keep going on without my mom. 

Sorry about your dad. I know the pain always stays. 

[Jen H]

I read your posts and I know you're so heartbroken and hopeless.  I am so so sorry you are struggling this much.  Please know your loss is still very fresh and new.  It will take some time for you to even feel a little bit of joy or hope.  Please don't think you will live a miserable life forever.  It just feels like that is the only way you will ever feel but you are still so young and I'm sure there will be things that will give you joy and reasons to live for in your future.  Do you have other people in your life that are giving you support?  I know losing your mom is like losing a huge part of yourself and you can never replace her but please don't give up. 

[Lost now]

13 hours ago, Jen H said:

I read your posts and I know you're so heartbroken and hopeless.  I am so so sorry you are struggling this much.  Please know your loss is still very fresh and new.  It will take some time for you to even feel a little bit of joy or hope.  Please don't think you will live a miserable life forever.  It just feels like that is the only way you will ever feel but you are still so young and I'm sure there will be things that will give you joy and reasons to live for in your future.  Do you have other people in your life that are giving you support?  I know losing your mom is like losing a huge part of yourself and you can never replace her but please don't give up. 

Thanks Jen. I am struggling every second of the day. 

Yes, I have my sister, brother in law, dad and my boyfriend. Everyone is supporting me and making me heal but I'm totally broken. I'm so restless. I don't know what to do. I am going crazy.

[Jen H]

I'm so relieved you have them in your life.  You can make it through with them by your side.  You and your mother had a very special bond.  That's something to treasure and cherish in your heart forever.  It just will take alot of time to feel better.

[Lucy_]

Dear Lost Now,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 11 months ago to sudden cardiac arrest as well, aged 49. We are all so heart broken. I'm 18 and I have 2 younger sisters who were 15 and 10. I can never stop thinking about it as well, why my mum? I get so upset and angry that my mum won't get to experience so many things in life, she didn't deserve this. I also feel when someone dies suddenly the grieving process is so much more difficult and complicated. Bad things happen to people who don't deserve it, but unfortunately that's just life. We have to keep going. I also feel like I am going to be sad forever. I feel as if every happy memory is just tainted because of the absolute sadness and depression I feel over losing my mum. The grieving never gets easier, we just learn how to deal with our grief. I still don't know how to deal with it but I just hope that with time things get easier.

[Lost now]

4 hours ago, Lucy_ said:

Dear Lost Now,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 11 months ago to sudden cardiac arrest as well, aged 49. We are all so heart broken. I'm 18 and I have 2 younger sisters who were 15 and 10. I can never stop thinking about it as well, why my mum? I get so upset and angry that my mum won't get to experience so many things in life, she didn't deserve this. I also feel when someone dies suddenly the grieving process is so much more difficult and complicated. Bad things happen to people who don't deserve it, but unfortunately that's just life. We have to keep going. I also feel like I am going to be sad forever. I feel as if every happy memory is just tainted because of the absolute sadness and depression I feel over losing my mum. The grieving never gets easier, we just learn how to deal with our grief. I still don't know how to deal with it but I just hope that with time things get easier.

Hi Lucy,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can say here that I understand your pain. It's the worst possible pain. I am not happy. I am in deep pain. I am very close to my mom. We both used to text a lot everyday and her life revolved around me and mine around her and it will always be. She was planning to visit me in Seattle with my dad this year. I am so lost. I have no motivation to live this life and I am scared to live without her. I am so sorry you and your sisters are going through this pain as well. You are right the sudden losses are very difficult to cope with. Our moms didn't deserve to go so early. They had so much life left and it's so unfair. I see several bad people (even in the family) just enjoying their lives and older than my mom. But I guess everyone has a time to leave and everyone on this planet will go through what we are going through.

I know it will get easier in terms of us functioning but the pain will never go away and it should not. I don't want to enjoy my life anymore. Everyone says that's not what my mom would want. I know she would want me to be happy but I don't know how to be happy without her.

How are your sisters coping up? They are so little. You are the strong sister they have so I am sure you are helping them everyday. I am so proud of you and somehow your response made me think that I should not give up and keep going for my mom and my dad.

Love and hugs!

Ishita

[Lucy_]

You are so right Ishita, it is so hard to think about life without them. Even 11 months on and I still feel like my mum is going to walk in the door any day now. I don't know how to be happy without my mum either. My dad is great but he just doesn't offer any emotional support, we don't even talk about her anymore and refer to her death as 'the thing that happened last year'. My mum died 2 months before I graduated high school and since then there has been so many things that she's missed out on. I honestly am still in shock that she's dead and that I haven't seen/spoken to her in nearly a year, some days it feels she was here last week and other days she feels like a distant memory. I just can't wrap my head around that I'm never going to see her again. Death just isn't fair, it always feel like the best ones are also the ones to leave too soon.

My sisters are both so young it breaks my heart so much. The middle one is just very problematic and has honestly made the grieving process for me even worse. My youngest sister I feel is trying to ever forget my mum existed. She was 10 when my mum died and turned 11 exactly a week later, a day after the wake and a day before the funeral. It was such an awful time. And I know my mum would've been so upset if she knew this was going to happen to her. I like to think that my mum can see us now but honestly I don't know, I'm starting to lose faith. 

Grief is just such a complex thing. I am so sorry you are going through this. And anyone else who is reading no one deserves to feel like this. I never though I would feel such sadness, guilt, anger, anxiety at such a young age.

How are you and your family doing? The first few weeks/months after are so fragile. 

Sending you lots of love and hugs,

Lucy

[Ksbe]

I am so sorry.. I lost my mom in January this year and it still is very hard. I cry every day. Like you, I was so close with my mom. I hate that she died. I hate so much about life right now. The emptiness is startling. I don't have any words to fix this for you... But you are not alone. 

[JasonA30]

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. I just made this account today and might make my own post, but saw yours and relate so much to you and what you're going through. I am the same age as you and I lost my mother, who was 61, back in November, and I am still really struggling. Like you, my mom was honestly my life. I was never ashamed to admit I was a momma's boy, I did everything I could for her and enjoyed every second of being with my mom. She was my best friend. I am still feeling a lot of pain, depression, anger, guilt, and just utter sadness. I cry nearly every day, just cried a little bit ago for a good 20 minutes as I was thinking about her. I just want to hug her again and hear her again. I feel like there is a huge hole in my life that can never be filled. I've lost a lot of loved ones and while I struggled through those, mom's passing has hit me so much harder, filled me so much more pain than I ever thought possible.

 

 

 

 

[Lost now]

On 3/7/2022 at 5:03 AM, Lucy_ said:

You are so right Ishita, it is so hard to think about life without them. Even 11 months on and I still feel like my mum is going to walk in the door any day now. I don't know how to be happy without my mum either. My dad is great but he just doesn't offer any emotional support, we don't even talk about her anymore and refer to her death as 'the thing that happened last year'. My mum died 2 months before I graduated high school and since then there has been so many things that she's missed out on. I honestly am still in shock that she's dead and that I haven't seen/spoken to her in nearly a year, some days it feels she was here last week and other days she feels like a distant memory. I just can't wrap my head around that I'm never going to see her again. Death just isn't fair, it always feel like the best ones are also the ones to leave too soon.

My sisters are both so young it breaks my heart so much. The middle one is just very problematic and has honestly made the grieving process for me even worse. My youngest sister I feel is trying to ever forget my mum existed. She was 10 when my mum died and turned 11 exactly a week later, a day after the wake and a day before the funeral. It was such an awful time. And I know my mum would've been so upset if she knew this was going to happen to her. I like to think that my mum can see us now but honestly I don't know, I'm starting to lose faith. 

Grief is just such a complex thing. I am so sorry you are going through this. And anyone else who is reading no one deserves to feel like this. I never though I would feel such sadness, guilt, anger, anxiety at such a young age.

How are you and your family doing? The first few weeks/months after are so fragile. 

Sending you lots of love and hugs,

Lucy

Hi Lucy,

I feel the exact same way. I have so many thoughts and it is overwhelming me. Some days I am angry, some days I am depressed. Today I have guilt of living my life without her. I feel guilty when I drink water, eat or do anything other than thinking about her.

Hope you are doing ok. 

Love and hugs!

Ishita

[Lost now]

On 3/12/2022 at 8:48 PM, Ksbe said:

I am so sorry.. I lost my mom in January this year and it still is very hard. I cry every day. Like you, I was so close with my mom. I hate that she died. I hate so much about life right now. The emptiness is startling. I don't have any words to fix this for you... But you are not alone. 

Hello, I am so sorry for your loss. This is the worst phase of our lives. I don't know how to keep living. I ask my mom everyday to come and take me. I have no motivation left. I don't know what did I do to deserve this. Everyone I know of my age have their moms. I want to go to my mom.

Take care. I can't ask you to stay strong because I don't think we have the strength in us. 

[Lost now]

On 3/13/2022 at 1:45 PM, JasonA30 said:

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. I just made this account today and might make my own post, but saw yours and relate so much to you and what you're going through. I am the same age as you and I lost my mother, who was 61, back in November, and I am still really struggling. Like you, my mom was honestly my life. I was never ashamed to admit I was a momma's boy, I did everything I could for her and enjoyed every second of being with my mom. She was my best friend. I am still feeling a lot of pain, depression, anger, guilt, and just utter sadness. I cry nearly every day, just cried a little bit ago for a good 20 minutes as I was thinking about her. I just want to hug her again and hear her again. I feel like there is a huge hole in my life that can never be filled. I've lost a lot of loved ones and while I struggled through those, mom's passing has hit me so much harder, filled me so much more pain than I ever thought possible.

 

 

 

 

Hi Jason, sorry for your loss. I responded to your post. Please keep posting/commenting here because talking here does help.

I know how you are feeling. It's the worst possible pain. I have no strength to endure it. I miss my mom so much. Sometimes I feel she is not gone. I don't like my new life anymore. I want to go to my mom. We don't deserve this. We are so young. Our moms didn't deserve this. They deserved to live. I hope my death comes sooner so I can reunite with her. I am so negative these days. I'm sorry I can't help you. I've no strength in me to make you feel better. But know that you are not alone. I'm here and feeling the exact same pain as you. Keep in touch!

-Ishita