I need help. Four Losses all within a year and 2 months apart

[randyandcarmenskid]

This is so difficult for me to express. I just don't know what to do now. I feel lonely, empty, guilty, sad. I still have my own family to raise and I just don't feel like doing anything. Ever.

I read this is called Compounded Grief. My mom died 11/15/2020. She suffered with kidney issues and dementia. She passed peacefully at home. My cat Ray Lewis died 1/21/21. He was 12 years old and had saddle thrombus. That was devastating. My mother-in-law died 12/16/2021. She had ALS/Lou Gehrig's disease. A shock to us all. My dad died 2/2/2022. This was the worst loss ever. He was sickly but still doing OK. Emergency blood clot surgery lead to coding once and on a ventilator for 9 days. Then he's off of it, talking, doing better. Then he contracts COVID IN THE HOSPITAL!! I was completely broken at that point. He coded again, on a ventilator for a week before we decided to take him off of life support. He was in a vegetative state and passed away a week later. I am so heartbroken, Throughout it all I could not visit him in the hospital due to COVID. He was there for a month and 2 days. I feel so guilty because I wasn't there.

I  just need to talk through my pain. Feeling deeply depressed. So sad all of the time. I have a 2 year old I am trying to raise and stay sane around. It's so hard to get up every morning and be a functioning human being yet a Mother to a toddler.

Take care

Monica

[Lost now]

7 hours ago, randyandcarmenskid said:

This is so difficult for me to express. I just don't know what to do now. I feel lonely, empty, guilty, sad. I still have my own family to raise and I just don't feel like doing anything. Ever.

I read this is called Compounded Grief. My mom died 11/15/2020. She suffered with kidney issues and dementia. She passed peacefully at home. My cat Ray Lewis died 1/21/21. He was 12 years old and had saddle thrombus. That was devastating. My mother-in-law died 12/16/2021. She had ALS/Lou Gehrig's disease. A shock to us all. My dad died 2/2/2022. This was the worst loss ever. He was sickly but still doing OK. Emergency blood clot surgery lead to coding once and on a ventilator for 9 days. Then he's off of it, talking, doing better. Then he contracts COVID IN THE HOSPITAL!! I was completely broken at that point. He coded again, on a ventilator for a week before we decided to take him off of life support. He was in a vegetative state and passed away a week later. I am so heartbroken, Throughout it all I could not visit him in the hospital due to COVID. He was there for a month and 2 days. I feel so guilty because I wasn't there.

I  just need to talk through my pain. Feeling deeply depressed. So sad all of the time. I have a 2 year old I am trying to raise and stay sane around. It's so hard to get up every morning and be a functioning human being yet a Mother to a toddler.

Take care

Monica

So sorry for your loss, Monica. This is devastating. You are doing what you can do at this point. Seeking for help. Please try to regain your strength day by day for yourself first and then your son. I cant ask you to stay strong because asking that is easy but doing it is difficult from my experience. Please also join Sue Ryder community. There are several people there active and can help you navigate your grief.

 

[randyandcarmenskid]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I hoped this site would help me cope some. Thanks for the community recommendation. I will be sure to check it out. 
Take Care.